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At the End of My Tears Lies the Lake
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Ever since I was a kid, I've had a knight complex. See someone weak, and I want to protect them. My boyfriend has a childhood friend named Fern Sullivan. Timid, pale-skinned, like a startled little ra...
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第1章
I've had a knight complex since I was a kid. See someone weak and small, and I want to protect them.
My boyfriend had a childhood friend named Fern Sullivan.
Timid, pale-skinned, like a startled little rabbit.
Every time the three of us ate together, I looked after her without thinking, rinsing her bowl, peeling her shrimp, putting food on her plate.
My boyfriend got so jealous he slammed his chopsticks down. "Who exactly is your boyfriend here?"
Fern clung to me too. Gifts on every holiday, and when she came over she'd insist on sleeping in my bed.
My boyfriend's face went black as a pot bottom.
"She's not coming over again! She keeps crashing our couple time!"
Then one day, a friend of ours dropped me a link. 【Look at this! Fern's this hot online?!】
In the photo, a man's palm was clamped around the slim white curve of her waist, fingers sinking into soft flesh, the whole screen dripping with tension.
【This set almost gave me a nosebleed. She acts way too sweet in person, doesn't she?】
【Such a contrast!!】
I opened the profile. Nothing but couple videos, one after another.
The man never showed his face, just his jaw, his throat, the tight line of his forearm.
I was about to screenshot it and tease her. 【Dating in secret and not telling me?】
A new video popped up on her page. 《Couple Challenge: Husband lifts me with one arm, bonus footage inside》.
On the screen.
The man held Fern up with one hand while she pushed up his shirt, and his eight-pack was unbearably sexy.
But my eyes locked onto the V-line, on that little red mole.
Exactly like the one on my boyfriend's body.
……
I hung up with our friend.
Ding.
A new message.
Fern had sent a voice note.
【Milly, want us to bring you a gift when we're back from Los Angeles?】
【Any celebrity merch you've been wanting?】
I forced down the thoughts churning inside me.
My fingers trembled a little as I typed:
【No need. What are you and Ralph Sanchez doing?】
Fern fired off a selfie right away:
【At the Taylor Swift concert!】
【Ralph keeps whining that he wants to go home and see you, so annoying.】
【I can't stand how he sticks to you like a dog.】
【You're mine, you know, hmph QAQ】
The girl's face was quiet and demure, sitting far away from the man behind her, who looked thoroughly impatient.
The proper social distance of ordinary friends.
If not for—
that black shirt Ralph was wearing.
Being exactly the same one the man in the video wore.
Every month.
Ralph would go with Fern to Los Angeles.
"Ferny's parents live over there, and we grew up together, so I just have to grit my teeth and keep her company."
And Fern would lean close to my ear before he boarded:
"Don't worry, Milly. If he so much as glances twice at those foreign girls abroad, I'll tattle on him to you~"
I always trusted them. I just hoped they'd have fun over there.
But now.
I stared at Fern's account.
Every month there was one "bonus video."
And every one of them was posted from Los Angeles.
Sometimes kissing, sometimes some high-difficulty fitness pose.
But without exception, all of it was couple stuff that made your face heat and your heart race.
Just like the comments said:
【What do they do after filming?】
【I hereby crown them the couple bloggers with the most tension on the whole internet!!】
【Please, the day you two open an account on an overseas site I'm throwing money at it.】
【Ferny's man with those big hands, that eight-pack, I honestly worry about whether little Ferny's tiny frame is holding up okay?】
Ferny replied to that one specifically:
【No need to worry, he's very gentle with me.】
【He even brings freshly washed fitted sheets when he goes abroad to stay in a hotel with me, so you all know just how thoughtful he is!】
My mind went white with a roar.
Like a thunderclap out of a sudden rainy night splitting down onto my head.
My mouth hung open, but I couldn't drag in a breath.
Every time Ralph went to Los Angeles with Fern.
He'd have me wash a few fitted sheets in advance.
"Good wife, the sheets smell like you and like home."
"I can't sleep without breathing that in."
I laughed at how childish he was.
But I still washed them and packed them for him.
The image of him wrapping an arm around my waist, pouting, "Another whole week away from you, I hate leaving," was still right there in front of me.
So which one was the real him?
It was too split apart.
I couldn't hold back from confirming it. I placed a video call.
It was Fern who answered Ralph's phone.
She blinked her big eyes, delighted. "Milly, what's got you calling us out of nowhere?"
"That dog Ralph went to the restroom."
"Is there something you want to buy? Tell me!"
I watched her quietly.
My voice came out colder than my own. "Fern, I came across your social account."
"You're dating someone."
She froze, mouth opening in a startled little gape.
So much flashed through her eyes: confusion, bewilderment, urgency.
But no fear and no guilt.
I was surprised.
If they really had wronged me, how could there not be a single crack in it?
Fern dropped her head, avoiding my gaze.
"Milly, mm, I am dating someone."
"But… I don't want to make it public for now."
Just then Ralph came back.
His handsome face barged in from the side of the screen.
"What dating?"
He looked at Fern, shocked. "You're dating someone?"
A dangerous glint came into his dark eyes.
His tone was like a big brother in charge who'd found the pigs had gotten into the family cabbage:
"Well, well, you little brat! You've got a boyfriend and you dared hide it from us?"
"Wife, I'm hanging up first. Let me interrogate her properly."
"I'll make sure she comes clean for a lighter sentence when we get back!"
The WeChat call cut off with a click.
I clenched my fist.
A chest full of questions sat heavy over my heart.
Their reactions were flawlessly natural.
As if the two of them had rehearsed for this exact situation thousands upon thousands of times.
I hadn't shaken off the suspicion.
I messaged that all-connected best friend of mine:
【Monica Fox, can you look into Ralph Sanchez and Fern in Los Angeles for me?】
【I think they're having an affair.】
第2章
【What? Your loyal, lapdog-devoted boyfriend is capable of cheating?】
【Are you sure there isn't some misunderstanding?】
Right.
To everyone else, he treated me that well.
Five years ago, I pulled him out of the water at the beach when he was drowning.
And then he started chasing after me.
"Millicent, I have feelings for you. Will you give me a chance?"
"I'll never forget the way you looked, saving me."
Over the years, the people I've saved could fill a few city blocks.
Handsome young men confessing to me weren't exactly rare either.
At first I didn't take it seriously.
How long could a rich man's infatuation really last?
He was just a bit better-looking, a bit richer, a bit more capable than most.
Fine. I'll admit it.
He did have real charm.
But I knew what marrying into a family like that meant. Once you go in, there's no getting back out.
That wasn't what I wanted.
Still, I'm only human.
Once, a case at the firm sent me abroad for a full two weeks.
And at the stroke of midnight on my birthday, there was a knock on my hotel door, and it was him.
"Surprise! Happy birthday!"
"Working this late, you must be worn out."
He walked in carrying a simple bowl of noodles he'd made himself.
Steaming hot, the noodles rolled a little unevenly, but the smell was wonderful.
So wonderful my tears just spilled over.
His face went shy. "I've never rolled noodles before. I practiced every day and this is the best I could manage. I hope you don't mind."
In that moment, I couldn't talk myself into not feeling anything anymore.
My thoughts came back to the present, and I sent Monica Fern Sullivan's profile.
【In her newest video, the red mole on the man's stomach is identical to Ralph's.】
【But I just called them, and they denied it.】
Monica went quiet.
It was a long time before she said: 【…Give me two hours.】
After she hung up.
I put in for leave right away and bought the fastest flight to Los Angeles.
I wanted to see for myself exactly what they got up to out there.
By the time Monica's message came through.
Twelve hours had already passed.
【Damn it! That bastard Ralph has been hiding this deep!】
【The whole story about visiting Fern's parents was a lie.】
【The elders live down south.】
【The two of them bought a place up north, and that's where they stay every time.】
【A man and a woman alone together in one apartment, what do you think they do? Real hard to guess.】
No wonder that whenever I wanted to video call at night.
Ralph always had one excuse or another to turn me down.
I pressed at the space between my brows and walked out of the airport.
Called a car and went straight to the apartment address Monica had sent.
No matter how wildly my mind ran through it.
Nothing hit as hard as seeing it with my own eyes.
I pushed open the door.
On the rattan chair, a young man and woman sat side by side.
Fern was tucked against Ralph's chest, her voice thick and nasal, like she'd already been crying.
"What do we do? It seems like Millicent has already figured it out."
"Do we have to come clean now?"
Ralph patted her gently to soothe her.
"But your condition still isn't cured."
"Don't worry. I'll figure out how to handle her side of things."
Fern's eyes suddenly went red, and her head shot up.
Tears welled up all at once.
"Or you could put all the blame on me!"
"Millicent's such a good person, she could never bring herself to blame you."
Ralph looked absolutely heartbroken over her.
And then he kissed her eyelashes, so softly.
It stung my eyes.
Was the sun in Los Angeles always this harsh?
I stepped toward them.
Meeting the horror in both their eyes, I said:
"Is that so? Then there's no need to agonize over it."
"You can just explain it to me. Right now."
第3章
Fern was crying prettily, tears streaking down her face.
I leaned back against the couch, arms crossed, my eyes cold.
As if I were the vicious mistress tearing two people apart.
Ralph knitted his brow, his tone full of disapproval.
"You're saying you want to cut Ferny out of your life?"
"Millicent, aren't you always the kindest person? Why are you being so cruel this time?"
Ten minutes earlier.
Fern had explained everything from start to finish.
How she'd been dumped by her scumbag ex six months ago.
How that scumbag had conditioned her with certain toys.
How the brutal, out-of-nowhere breakup had left her psychologically damaged.
Her doctor had advised her to find someone with similar tastes to gradually wean her off it.
She had nowhere left to turn.
So she'd had no choice but to come begging to Ralph.
Ralph sighed, trying to talk me around.
"Running that couple's account with her is just to help her recover."
"Those moves, how far it went, that's all her ex's style. I was just copying it, imitating him."
"Millicent, there was nothing else I could do."
"Would you really have the heart to hand her off to some other man, someone we don't even know?"
"For a girl, that kind of thing does terrible damage."
That kind of thing, meaning that in the name of so-called "treatment,"
the two of them kissed and held each other and did the things only couples do.
Whether they'd taken the last step, I didn't know.
Listening to it, my whole body was shaking.
I didn't dare ask.
All I could do was let my refusal speak for me.
"Cut Fern off completely, and end whatever this is between you two, right now."
I made a concession I had no right to make.
Because I had carved out my whole heart and loved Ralph for five full years.
I couldn't. I couldn't just wipe it all away in an instant.
All I could do was cling, humbly, to what pride I had left.
Making one last push, one last concession.
Only yesterday I'd been planning to say yes to Ralph by the end of the year.
We could start planning the wedding.
In these five years he'd brought up marriage no fewer than ten times.
"Millicent, you've met my parents. They're still very happy with you."
"Your firm's stable now, a top civil litigation attorney in all of New York. My wife's amazing."
"Millicent, when are you going to make it official? I want to take you home as my wife."
"Baby, my sweet girl, if you don't marry me soon I'm honestly afraid some rich, handsome guy is going to steal you away."
I couldn't understand how he could feed me lines like that
while playing "hands-on treatment" with Fern without a shred of guilt.
But Fern still wouldn't accept it.
Her eyes went red, her voice edged with resentment.
"Millicent Henson, don't you have that knight complex!"
"Don't you see someone in need and want to help them, want to protect them!"
"So help me too!"
"Can't you see how much pain I'm in?"
"He and I never took the last step. Can't you just give me a little room?"
Ralph came closer and reached for my hand,
head bowed, his voice defeated. "Millicent, can't you just help her?"
"Her treatment's already made so much progress."
"Why can't you show a little tolerance?"
Those peach-blossom eyes of his filled with sorrow.
"When you act like this... it really makes me feel like you don't love me enough."
Just a few short sentences, and yet how they clawed at every nerve.
I threw off his hand.
Shut my eyes against the pain.
"Ralph, get this straight. This is you cheating."
"How do you have the nerve to demand this of the victim?"
"Her treatment's had such great results, is that it? So for more progress,"
"do you have to climb into the same bed with her too?!"
"Let's break up."
第4章
In the end, Fern was left behind, alone, in Los Angeles.
The moment Ralph heard I wanted to break up, his face went dark.
He didn't hesitate. He told Fern, right then, that he wouldn't keep helping with her treatment.
"Find yourself another doctor."
"If one can't fix it, see several more. Money's no issue for your parents."
He let Fern cry herself into a wreck.
And he took my hand and didn't look back.
See?
So there was another way to solve it after all.
When he'd first agreed to help Fern, how much of it was genuinely wanting to help?
And how much was some quiet, wistful want he'd tucked away?
I didn't know.
On the flight home, he reached for my hand.
I pulled it away again.
Something in my chest felt filmed over, tacky and clinging.
He was quiet a long time, then said in a low voice, "Millicent, I'll cut it off with her completely."
I closed my eyes. All I could hear was Fern's last scream ringing in my ears.
"Ralph, you bastard! You threw me over for her, and I will never forgive you as long as I live!"
Home, I packed up everything I owned.
Went straight to Monica's to stay.
He messaged every day. I didn't reply.
He camped outside the firm, so I called the police.
His eyes went red. "Millicent, you were never like this before."
"Don't treat me this way. I'm begging you."
The next morning I opened the door and found him asleep, curled up in the corner.
Still clutching the breakfast he'd bought me.
I looked at the dark hollows under his eyes.
Something wrung hard at my chest.
How did we... end up like this?
That day I called in sick and sat on the couch, gone somewhere far off.
The tears didn't feel like mine anymore. They ran and dried, dried and ran, on their own.
Monica came home from work, saw me, and snapped.
"Millicent, can you please wake up? He's like that and you still won't break it off?"
I opened my mouth to answer, and a wave of nausea rolled up out of nowhere.
I bolted for the toilet, gagging.
Monica's face did something complicated, and she went and bought me a pregnancy test.
Two red lines.
I stared at that tiny little window.
My hand shook so hard the plastic stick almost slipped out of it.
Pregnant.
Ralph's child.
Every hesitation I had was split open by that bolt from the sky.
I covered my face. I thought maybe I'd just forgive him. But the footage on Fern's account clung to me like a ghost.
Tears leaked out between my fingers.
Monica dragged a hand through her hair, then grabbed me and hauled me toward the door.
"Come on! I refuse to believe you're really unlucky enough to be carrying that bastard's kid!"
And walked straight into Ralph, waiting outside the door.
His eyes were frighteningly bright. "Millicent, I heard."
"We're having a baby! Aren't we? Don't even think about hiding it from me."
"Ralph, I don't plan to—"
"Plan to what?" He tensed all at once and seized my hand.
"Don't say you'll get rid of it. Don't say that. Millicent, I'm begging you."
His voice started to shake. "I know I was wrong. I've cut Fern off for good!"
"I swear I'll never see her again as long as I live! Keep this baby, and let's get married. Please?"
I looked at him, my body trembling faintly.
His throat worked, up and down, and his voice caught.
"Millicent, you love the sea. Let's hold the wedding in the Caribbean. Please?"
"That white chapel you mentioned once, I'll book the whole thing. You won't have to worry about a single thing."
"All you have to do is be the most beautiful bride and let me marry you."
I opened my mouth.
"...Let me think about it."
He nodded hard. "Take your time. As long as you need. Just don't give up on me and the baby."
That night he slept on the floor by the bed, his arms around my feet.
He didn't dare climb in, afraid I'd be angry.
I looked at his back curled on the carpet, my hand on my belly, and didn't close my eyes all night.
The next day I finished my checkup at the hospital.
Then a message came in from a number I didn't know.
【Leave him. He doesn't deserve you.】
I opened the video. The shot was inside the Los Angeles airport.
Fern grabbed hold of Ralph, and the two of them argued for a few seconds.
Then she went up on her toes and kissed him.
Ralph pushed her away, but not hard.
A few seconds later he had her pinned behind a pillar, kissing her fierce and rough.
At the end, he swept her up in his arms and carried her into the VIP lounge at the far end.
When they came back out, there was a kiss mark on Fern's neck.
Grinning, she buckled his belt for him.
The timestamp in the top left corner was ten hours before he learned I was pregnant.
I stared at the screen and laughed out loud.
I called my doctor friend. "Yes, I want to schedule the abortion. Three days from now."
-
A month later.
The Caribbean. The white chapel.
Sea wind poured across the altar. Ralph stood in a custom-tailored suit, a bouquet of white roses in his hands.
The pews were full of guests. His parents smiled and made small talk with friends and family.
Ralph's face was all smiles.
This past month, Millicent had probably come around, figured she couldn't live without him.
That was why she'd been so soft, so easy about all of it.
Trying on the gown when he asked, choosing the ring when he asked.
Not fighting his kisses, cooking dinner and waiting for him when he came home.
And now, at last, he was going to marry Millicent and bring her home.
The pastor glanced at his watch. "Mr. Sanchez, the hour's almost past. Where's the bride?"
He dialed her right away.
Phone off.
Dialed again.
Still off.
He pulled a smile onto his face and reassured everyone. "It's fine. Traffic's probably bad today."
When he looked up, the party sent to bring the bride was rushing back from the hotel.
Ralph hurried over to meet them, thrilled. "There you are! There you are!"
But his best friend Jim Gilbert was ashen.
He shoved something into Ralph's hand in a rush.
"Ralph, there's no one in the room! This was all that was on the nightstand—"
Ralph lowered his head.
It was a payment receipt. For an abortion.