Four Boys Broke My Heart,Then Lost Everything

I Drank Half a Can of Beer for Courage and Asked If He'd Go From Childhood Friend to Boyfriend My head buzzed. I'd had a crush on Henry Weiss for six years. On my birthday in junior year, I drank half a can of beer to work up the nerve, and I asked him if he'd go from childhood friend to boyfriend. He ruffled my hair. "We'll talk about it after the SATs." I waited two years. Now he was standing under the streetlight, ears as red as if he'd just been fished out of a boiling pot. "I've thought it through." "Let's go out west together. I'll take care of you." Tears nearly spilled over. "We'll see who ends up taking care of who." Henry smiled and tightened his grip on my hand. "Then we take care of each other." The next day, the five of us met at Rupert's place to fill out our college applications. They laid the forms they'd prepared in advance out in a row. Every single first choice was out west. Henry hit submit right in front of me and handed me his phone. "Inspect the goods." I saw the green Submission successful, and my heart finally settled. Rupert teased me for being so suspicious. "You think we'd all conspire to trick you?" "Barbara Norris, put your mind at ease." "Even if the desert wind out there blows you bald, we'll shine right alongside you." Back then I laughed until I was slumped over the table, unable to sit up straight. It was only later that I understood. Some people, when they say they'll walk with you to the very end, never intended to stand with you even at the start. The graduation dinner was set at a private supper club. It wasn't just our class who showed up. Veronica Hughes was there too. She was the campus belle from the class next door, and in less than a year after transferring in, she'd successfully wedged herself into our little circle of five. The first time Veronica ever spoke to me was in the women's restroom. Eyes red, she told me the girls in her class were freezing her out. "They say I'm faking it, that I flirt with the guys on purpose." "Barbara, I just want to make a few friends." I felt sorry for her, so I introduced her to Henry and the others myself. At first she really was sweet. When we went out to eat, she'd smile and ask what I liked to drink. When it rained, she'd duck under my umbrella and link her arm through mine. Then, somewhere along the way, things changed. Six people in a five-seat car, and the front passenger seat was always hers. Six milk teas ordered, and the one left out was always mine. They started a separate group chat, called Five Stars. I asked why I wasn't in it. Veronica covered her mouth and laughed. "Because you're the moon." "Stars circling the moon. So romantic." Back then I actually thought it was romantic. On the day of the dinner, I arrived last. When I pushed open the door to the private room, the five of them were gathered around the table playing a game. Veronica sat in the middle, a paper crown on her head. Henry was peeling shrimp for her. Rupert was mixing her dipping sauce. Eustace was busy taking her picture. Dustin was wiping a water stain off her dress with a napkin. I stood in the doorway. No one noticed. Until a classmate called out. "Barbara Norris is here!" Only then did Henry look up. "Why so slow?" "Three penalty drinks for you in a bit." I glanced at the crown on Veronica's head. "Isn't tonight the graduation dinner?" Veronica touched the crown and stuck out her tongue playfully. "They insisted on celebrating my acceptance early." "You don't mind, do you, Barbara?" "Of course not." I pulled out the chair at the very end. Five place settings were already laid out on the table. The server had to add one more for me on the spot. The game went on. Who's the Spy. The host sent everyone their word on their phones. In the first round, everyone had to describe the person they'd drawn. Rupert went first. "Bad temper. Really hard to please." Eustace followed: "Full of herself. Thinks the whole world should revolve around her." Dustin kept his eyes down. "Sensitive. Loves dredging up old grudges." Henry paused a few seconds. "Controlling." "And one more thing." "Really loves clinging to guys who don't like her." The whole table roared. I frowned. They clearly weren't describing Veronica. But the word on my phone plainly said Veronica's name. When it was my turn, I thought for a moment. "Pretty. Good with words. Likable." Veronica burst out laughing. "Barbara, why are you praising yourself now?" I froze. Henry and the others were doubled over laughing. The host held up his phone. "The votes are in." "Barbara Norris, out by unanimous vote." He showed me his own word. Three characters stared back at me. Barbara Norris. So mine was the only one that said Veronica. I was the spy. And the joke of their whole game. Eustace laughed and slapped the table. "Barbara, you're not going to get mad, are you?" "It's just a game." "Aren't you the one who can always take a joke?" I looked at Henry. He avoided my eyes and set the peeled shrimp into Veronica's bowl. "Everybody's just kidding around. Don't ruin the mood." I suddenly thought back to when we were kids. Five of us splitting four popsicles, and the four of them would each break off a piece for me. Now six of us sat at one table. And not even the fifth place setting belonged to me. Before I could say anything, Veronica set her phone down on the table. "Oh, right. There's something Barbara should be told too." The screen was lit. Four screenshots of successful application changes. Every school was in Washington D.C. The time stamp was yesterday afternoon. It was already past the normal deadline for changing applications. I lifted my head. "What does this mean?" No one answered. Veronica answered for them. "It means exactly what you see." "They're not going out west." "Henry's applying to the D.C. aerospace program, Rupert to D.C. Tech, and Eustace and Dustin are staying in the city too." "The five of us agreed. We're going to take care of each other here in D.C." I heard my own voice go tight. "And me?" Veronica tilted her head. "Haven't you always been so independent?" "Besides, that program of yours covers room and board. You don't need anyone taking care of you at all." "I'm different." "I have depression. The doctor says I can't handle unfamiliar environments, and I can't be triggered." She pulled the diagnosis out of her bag and gave it a light pat on the table. "They're worried something will happen to me, so they're staying to keep me company." "You wouldn't hold something against a sick person, would you?"

I stared at that diagnosis. And all at once I understood why, every time there was a fight, the one who ended up apologizing was always me. Veronica snatched away the birthday gift I'd bought for Henry. She said her depression had flared up, that she couldn't help herself when she saw something she liked. Veronica forwarded my competition paper to other people. She said she'd taken her meds and wasn't thinking clearly. Veronica made a point of telling everyone at a party that I liked Henry, and I got teased about it the whole night. She cried and said she was just so insecure, that she only wanted to be sure no one would abandon her. Henry and the others always talked me down with the same lines. "She's sick." "Just let it go." "You're so healthy. Why hold it against someone who's ill?" Over time, that diagnosis of hers became a get-out-of-jail-free card. Touching my things was fine. Taking my friends was fine. Tearing apart my life was fine too. I looked at the four of them. "When did you change them?" Rupert cleared his throat. "Yesterday." "Weren't the normal channels closed?" "Veronica's dad knows someone at the admissions counseling center. He got us a special review." He said it lightly. "Just a few extra documents. No big deal." I opened the screenshot and zoomed in. In the top right corner there was a small, easy-to-miss line of text. Back-end re-entry. Below it, the stated reason: Applicant experienced a sudden psychological episode; the initial submission did not reflect the applicant's true intent. Four people. Same reason. Same time. Even the formatting of the supporting documents was identical. I looked up at Rupert. "All four of you had a sudden psychological episode?" Eustace got impatient. "The paperwork went through, that's what matters. Why do you care so much?" "Veronica's dad called in a lot of favors to get ours changed." "You're not going to go running your mouth all over town just because we didn't go with you, are you?" Veronica gripped her wine glass, her face going a little pale. Henry finally stepped up to me. "Barbara." "I know we were wrong about this." "But we didn't have a choice." "The night Veronica heard we were going west, she cut her wrists." "She said staying in the city alone would kill her." "Were we supposed to just stand by and watch something happen to her?" I looked at this boy who'd just agreed to be my boyfriend. "So you lied to me instead?" "Watched me apply out west, watched me sign the classified agreement, then quietly changed your applications back?" Henry frowned. "Don't make it sound so ugly." "You chose your project yourself." "The west is a good opportunity too." "We really did plan to go with you at first. The situation just changed later." I laughed. "So agreeing to date me was just 'the situation changed' too?" He went silent. Veronica gently tugged at the hem of his shirt. Henry didn't pull away. Now I understood. He didn't like me. He'd just wanted to use a short little romance to coax me into going west willingly. And once I was gone, he'd use the distance as an excuse to break it off. So thoughtful. Even selling me out, he was afraid I'd catch a chill on the road, so he draped a coat over me first. I took a document out of my bag. On the way here, my teacher had called to tell me the final security clearance had come through. All that was left was the signature. The Classified Training Program Enrollment Confirmation. Henry's face changed. "You haven't signed yet?" "Barbara, don't do anything rash." "You can reconsider and stay in the city. It's not like we have to be apart." I looked at the hand he was reaching toward me, and suddenly laughed out loud. "Henry, is something wrong with your head?" "You didn't wear that face when you were tricking me into going west." I uncapped my pen and signed my name, page after page. Barbara Norris. As the last stroke came down, I slid the document into an envelope. "From this moment on, my application can't be withdrawn." "Once I'm enrolled, my contact, my whereabouts, my research, all of it is classified." "For the next ten years, you might not even know where I am." Eustace sneered. "Who are you trying to scare?" "You think you're off to build nukes?" "Ten years and nobody knows where you are? You think this is some spy movie?" Laughter went around the room again. I didn't explain. I just forwarded the four screenshots from Veronica's phone to myself. She reached out to grab it. "What are you doing?" "Keeping a souvenir." I gave my phone a little wave. "A souvenir of the earth-shattering love and friendship you five share." Rupert's face darkened. "Delete it." "A special review involves personal privacy. You can't just spread it around." I put my phone away. "Don't worry." "I won't spread it around." "I'll only send it to the people who should see it." The room went dead quiet in an instant. Henry grabbed my wrist. "Barbara Norris, what's that supposed to mean?" I pried his fingers off, one by one. "It doesn't mean anything." "The four of you stay in the city with her, and I go west alone." "But I can make sure not one of you four ever comes back."

They took it as an empty threat. Eustace actually laughed out loud. "Barbara, have you been reading too many revenge fantasies?" "It's not like your family owns the colleges." "You say we can't come back, so we can't come back?" I didn't answer him. I just turned and walked out of the room. By the time I reached the parking lot, Henry had chased after me. "Barbara!" He blocked my path, his face ugly. "Delete the screenshots." "You don't delete them, you're not leaving tonight." I looked up at him. "You're going to grab my phone?" "I just don't want you doing something stupid." "Veronica's dad handled the paperwork for us. Maybe some of the steps weren't exactly by the book." "But his heart was in the right place." I almost laughed. "Not by the book?" "Bribing someone to change our applications, and you call it 'not exactly by the book.'" Henry's pupils shrank. "What are you talking about?" I took the voice recorder out of my pocket. The red light was blinking. It hadn't stopped since we were inside the room. The color drained from Henry's face in an instant. He reached out to snatch it. I stepped back and pressed the button on my car key. My father's driver came over and put himself between us. "Mr. Weiss, please keep your distance from my young lady." Henry clenched his fists. "Barbara, you planned this from the start?" "You drew us out on purpose?" "No." I closed my hand around the recorder. "You all just love to show off too much." "You finish breaking the law, and instead of hiding at home shaking, you have to throw a celebration dinner." "How is that any different from robbing a bank and posing for photos out front?" "If I didn't record it, I'd be doing your relaxed attitude a disservice." The car door opened. Before I got in, Henry asked me with red eyes, "We've known each other for eighteen years." "You'd really ruin us over one application?" I looked at him, and it suddenly felt absurd. "That's right. Eighteen years." "Which is exactly why you knew what I feared most, and drove the knife in so precisely." "I'm not the one ruining you." "You threw your own lives away the moment you handed them to Veronica's dad." That night, I organized all the evidence. Four screenshots of the changed applications. The recording from the room. The chat logs Veronica had posted in our group. And one more recording that mattered even more. Two weeks earlier, it had been Veronica's birthday. She'd had too much to drink, hanging off me and bragging. "You know how I got into Metro Tech?" "My dad gave a Mr. Glenn at the admissions counseling center three hundred grand." "So what if my scores were a little short?" "Connections are their own kind of ability." At the time I just thought she was talking big. But out of habit, my watch had been recording the whole time. My dad works in information security. He taught me one thing when I was young. You don't have to suspect your friends. But when money, contracts, or your future are involved, you keep a record. I used to think he lived an exhausting life. Now I finally get it. A father is a father. The salt he's eaten could cure everyone at that table to death. I didn't report it right away. First I made five copies of everything. One went to my lawyer. One went to the state college admissions board. One went to the anti-corruption authorities. One went to the instructor who'd given me my clearance for the classified project. The last one I set on a timed send. As long as I didn't cancel it within twenty-four hours, it would automatically go out to every relevant university. Once that was done, I closed my laptop. At two in the morning, Veronica called me. She wasn't crying. Her voice was cold as ice. "Barbara, you'd better not go sticking your nose where it doesn't belong." "If my dad can change applications, he can make sure your background check turns up problems." "That classified project of yours cares even more about family background and personal records, doesn't it?" "Guess. If you got reported for mental illness, violent tendencies, personality defects, would they still take you?" I leaned back against my chair. "You want to forge my medical records?" She gave a soft laugh. "How could you call it forging?" "I have depression, and you drove me to attempt suicide." "Guess who people will believe, you, or a patient who nearly died?" She hung up. Ten minutes later, I got a photo. Veronica, lying in a bathtub. Her wrists soaking in red liquid. Henry and the others were blowing up the group chat, demanding answers. "What exactly did you say to her?" "Barbara, if something happens to her, you'll never have a moment's peace for the rest of your life!" "Apologize right now!" "Delete all the evidence!" I zoomed in on the photo for three seconds. Then I texted Veronica one line. "Use real blood next time. Ketchup separates into layers if it soaks too long." The group went silent. Then I sent a screenshot. In the reflection off the glass cabinet in the bottom right corner of the photo, Veronica was holding up another phone, taking a selfie. And beside the tub sat a half-empty bottle of ketchup. "Want to fake a mental illness to scare me?" "Funny thing is, I've got a condition too." "Doctor says when I'm provoked, I go into a frenzy of saving evidence. Go ahead, provoke me again." Send. I canceled the timed task. Then I sent the fifth packet out by hand. Seven-oh-five the next morning. Henry called me. For the first time, his voice was shaking so badly it fell apart. "Barbara." "The people from the admissions board are at my house."