Ten Days to Live, A Lifetime to Never Forgive

1: 1 At the Mid-Autumn feast, my mother suddenly stood before all the guests and announced to the room that I was the true daughter of the Henson family. My mind went blank. I couldn't believe my own ears. Half a year I'd been back in that house, and I had tried everything to make them see me. Throwing myself into the lake. A rope from the rafters. Even shaving my head to become a nun. She had not only refused me, she had come to loathe the way I behaved, and she meant to sever family ties after the Mid-Autumn feast and send me off to the old estate in Frostvale. Yet now she held my hand and slid a jade bracelet of the finest color onto my wrist, and the eyes she turned on me were full of tenderness and joy. All through the feast she moved among the ladies of the city as any mother would with her daughter, keeping up the small talk with me at her side, calling me by my childhood name, Nessa. My throat ached and tightened, gratitude lodged in my chest, and still all I felt was a kind of daze. But the moment the last lady was seen out, she flung my hand away. I still felt the warmth in my palm, and I looked at her, not understanding. Her voice was cold. "Everything today, it's because last night while I was at my mirror I saw myself, five years from now." "She told me that if I did not claim you, you would find people to torment Winnie, and you would have her killed." I gave a bitter laugh. "So that is what you think of me?" Her eyes reddened, her shoulders trembling. "You have always gone to extremes. I don't dare risk it." "From this day on, you are the daughter of the Henson house. The name, the standing, the honor, all of it is yours." Then her lashes lowered, and it was nearly a plea. "I only ask that you… go easy on Winnie." I stared at her. The bracelet on my wrist felt heavy as a thousand pounds, pressing down until I couldn't breathe. But she had no idea. I would never live to see five years from now. In less than ten days, I would be dead. 1 When I said nothing, my mother drew a deep breath, and the softness on her face was already gone, back to cold. Her gaze flat, her tone distant and indifferent. "First thing tomorrow, you'll move from the side courtyard to Pearl Court. Anything you need to furnish it, or any servants, just tell Blanche Pruitt. There's no need to inform me." "And you needn't come to pay your morning and evening respects." With that, she turned and walked away. I hadn't even come back to myself from her words before she had turned and gone. Watching the light silk of her gown lift, that slender figure, that lonely back, with the cool wind of early autumn blowing through, my tears finally fell. That back. I had dreamed of it countless times in the dead of night. She was a general's daughter, but as a mother she had always called me Nessa, gentle and full of love, wanting to give me the best love in all the world. I had once believed that in this life I would never return to her side. Until my adoptive parents, childless for so many years, at last had a son of their own, and then came a great drought, the harvest failing, and so they sold me to a merchant family, the Lawsons, in town, to be a man's concubine. I wanted to run, but they locked me in a room to wait for the wedding. The night I was delivered to the Lawsons, in the last breath before it was too late, my mother came with her men and cut down the manhood of that man. She appeared like a saint, took off her great cloak and gathered me into her arms, weeping as she soothed me. "Don't be afraid, Nessa. Mother's here." From that day on, I had a mother again. I traveled all that jolting road, a full month of it, before I finally came back to Kingsbury. Just when I thought I was about to go home, the carriage turned in through the gate of a small courtyard. I looked around, bewildered, and my mother smiled and said, "Be good, Nessa. You'll stay here for a few days." "In the years you were gone, I saved a girl from wicked people and took her in as your sister. Her health is poor, and her mind runs deep." "If I bring you home without warning, I'm afraid she couldn't bear it. Just wait a little." To set my mind at ease, she sent my brother to see me. The brother I remembered had studied his books and trained at arms, strict and by the rule in everything, and yet he had always been so good to me. The man before me had grown into a man, but the first moment he saw me, his eyes went red. "You… you're Nessa?" "Nessa, you've suffered. If I hadn't failed to keep you safe, you would never have…" He stroked my hair and said, his voice rough, "Once Winnie is calmer, Mother and I will hold a welcome home for you ourselves." My nose stung, and I nodded, hard. After that day, I settled into the small courtyard. To prepare me for coming home, my mother hired a governess to teach me the rules. The governess was harsh. Get it wrong once, and she cursed you. Twice, and she struck you. My hands were beaten swollen, my knees knelt raw and bruised, and I bit down and made no sound. When my mother and brother came to see me, I feared they would worry, so I never said a word about it. And so I went from a girl of thirteen toward womanhood, and never once pressed them to bring me home. Until one day I heard a washerwoman murmur under the covered walkway, "The mistress is truly kind-hearted. This distant cousin, not even a real relation, and she keeps her in such comfort." "Comfort or not, she's still kept out here. She isn't worth one finger of the eldest young lady." That was when I learned that to keep Winifred Henson from growing suspicious, they had told the world I was a "distant cousin." That night, when my mother and brother came, I wept and demanded to know why they treated me this way. Out of guilt, they finally brought me home. But I could only live in the side courtyard, and even to step out my door for a breath of air, I had to keep clear of Winifred Henson. The gulf in how I was treated, the storm of whispers that came at me from every side, drove me into a fear without end. And that was when I did those things. They confined me for a month, and in the end, they decided to sever family ties. Yet today, over a piece of nonsense, they gave me everything I had asked for. But I no longer wanted it. And I could not afford to take it. I went back to the small courtyard, and in my own blood I drew up the letter severing family ties, and I wrote my own name. Ten days more, and I would give this life back.