DIVORCED: MY EX-HUSBAND WANTS ME BACK

Ciara The feeling is quite describable. It was as if one minute I was flying up in the sky and the next minute, I landed hard on the ground without knowing why. But if it was going to end this way, I needed to know why; I deserved that much courtesy. “W-Why?” I inquired with a shaky voice, bringing my hands to dab away at the tears that rolled down my cheeks; I wasn’t going to let others watch me cry. Never. While I was on the verge of a mental breakdown, it irked me that Ryan, my instigator, seemed to be doing just fine. Ryan shrugged his shoulders, “Do I need a reason to file for a divorce?” I clenched my fist so hard underneath the table; if not, I would have slapped him hard across the face. “You need a reason if you want me to sign these papers,” I counterattacked. Not that I was going to sign them anyway. Ryan reclined back against the chair as he heaved a heavy sigh, “Let’s see. Where do I start from? You are a bad cook, bad when it comes to our personal hygiene. I mean, last time I came home, I saw my sock on the kitchen sink. Who does that?” I tightened my fist, “It was just that one time, and I’d gone on a business trip. Couldn’t you take care of that yourself?” Ryan shook his head, disgusted, “No. If I could do that myself, why would I have married you?” I felt my heart fall to my stomach. This man didn’t really understand the amount of hurt his words were causing me, “Then why did you marry me? Did I beg you? No, you are the one who brought up the idea in the first place, so why am I suddenly the bad person!?” “I don’t know, you just are!” Ryan counterattacked, “So back to my reasons…” “Enough. I’ve heard enough.” “Wait, this is a really good one. Here it goes…” Ryan paused, “The key reason for our divorce is most especially this: You are terrible in bed.” His last words cut me deep like a knife. I let out an exasperated short laugh as I remembered those moments when Ryan would tell me he loves me or peck me softly on the cheeks. I should have known better than to let myself believe that he was actually in love with me. The corners of my lips lit up, “Are you sure I’m the one who is terrible in bed? Last time we checked, you’re the one who couldn’t get it up.” Ryan banged his fist on the table, angry, “Hey!” “What?!” I shouted, not caring if we were attracting the crowd, “Are you the only one who gets to say harsh words? Can’t I share my own thoughts?” I waved the paper in front of him, “I won’t be signing these divorce papers.” I moved to stand up from my seat, but Ryan held me back, “Hey, are you really going to be this way? Why won’t you sign the papers? Why?!” Ryan let out a heavy sigh; he was clearly frustrated, “Do you want to destroy my happiness?!” Dear lord, this is way too much for me to handle, “I’m destroying your happiness?” “Of course!” “Please, can you two take this outside!?” A customer yelled. “Exactly!” “And you, ma’am, just sign those papers. Must you be with someone like him?!” “You can do so much better in my opinion!” I dabbed at my cheeks as I bowed down, apologizing to the customers, “I sincerely apologize for ruining your day, everyone.” With that said, I bolted out of the coffee shop, hailing the first taxi that stopped in front of me and heading straight home. What a way to remember our first anniversary! And to think I’d bought him a tie!?. Frustrated to the peak, I threw the disposable bag, which housed the tie, out the taxi window as I silently sobbed till I got to my destination. When I’d gotten home, I paid the taxi driver whilst dragging my feet to the house front gate. Memories of when we’d first arrived here threatened to pass through my head; I couldn’t help it either. I’d shared a whole lifetime of mine with this man. Everywhere I went, anything I bought were all bound to remind me of him. It was going to be hard for me to accept this fact that Ryan was repulsed by me all along but most especially, it was going to be hard for me to move on. “There has to be something more to this,” I muttered under my breath, “Was he being threatened to do this or…” I shake my head, clearing the thought off as soon as possible. I couldn’t believe that Ryan had hurt me this evening more times than I could count, but yet, here I was, still worried about him. “Madam…” A young lady called out to me, approaching me. She was dressed in a yellow long sleeve top and a red skirt just a little bit above her knees. There was a sling bag over her shoulders. She looked quite familiar…where had I seen her before?. “Me?” “Yes, you. Who else would I be speaking to?” She questioned in a harsh, strong tone; one I didn’t like and didn’t have the time to tolerate as my world was crashing beneath my feet this evening. I crossed my arms, ready for a fight, “Who are you?” The lady in front of me shoved her phone into my face, revealing pictures of her and my husband, sorry scratch that, Ryan being all lovey-dovey together, sharing kisses, feeding each other, going to karaokes. I couldn’t seem to understand what was going on this evening; I’d obviously taken more than I could chew, so when does it end!? “Who am I, you asked?” The lady questioned, “I’m Ryan’s girlfriend. I came to you to ask you for just one favor.” She held my hands as if her life depended on it, “Please, let my man go.”

Ciara It felt as if I’d just been hit over the head with a brick; or was it something worse? I don’t know. All I knew was that right now, right in front of me, was proof that my husband had been cheating on me all along. “Aren’t you going to say something? Cat got your tongue?” The lady, Anne, in front of me questioned furiously. It was such a shame that she thought I was the one who stole something from her and not the other way around. I scoffed, absentmindedly muttering under my breath, “So Ryan even kept me a secret all this while from the women he played with?” “What did you say?” Shaking my head, I voiced out loud, “I’ve heard you, so for now, can you please go?” I had a lot to deal with already, and I’d clearly decided that I’d had enough for one day, so with that said, I turned away from her, heading into the house, but Anne grabbed my wrist, holding me back, “Hey, I’m not done yet!” There and then, I lost my cool. All my pent-up frustration and anger I’d bottled up all evening finally exploded. “Please!” I shouted, breaking down into tears, “Please, just go!” Shaking her wrist off me, I headed into the house, slamming the door shut as I crumbled down to the ground, wailing in my own sorrow and misery. Why was this happening to me? Why? Placing my hands over my mouth, I tried to stifle my tears, but the more I tried, the more my tears flowed. As I struggled to get back on my feet, I decided that I’d had enough. Enough of Ryan, enough of this house, enough of everything. Making my way to what used to be our bedroom, I brought out my traveling box from atop the wardrobe. Flinging the wardrobe wide open, I threw my clothes into the box in a frenzy with teary eyes. This. This was going to be the last time anyone hurt me this way again. I swear it. While packing up my belongings, I heard the main door open but didn’t even bother to look in its direction because I was certain that it was no other than Ryan. “Are you finally leaving?” Ryan questioned with a mocking tone. Just when I decided to spare him a glance, I saw ‘her’ beside him. I scoffed. So he was going as far as bringing her into our house now? Shaking my head, I diverted my gaze away from them, dragging my box closer to my drawer as I threw my jewelry in. Ryan held my hand as if stopping me, but his gesture only irked me. “Would you let go of me!” “I don’t want to touch you either, but where do you think you are taking those jewelry to? I was the one who bought them for you!” I laughed. For the first time since the events of this disastrous evening played out, I had a good laugh. “You bought it for me?” I questioned, “Don’t be absurd. You didn’t even buy me a single flower, talk less of this jewelry.” I freed myself from his grasp as I continued with what I was doing. When I was all packed up, I angrily threw the divorce paper that had been in my hands all evening on the reading table and scribbled my signature across it. “Aren’t you being too absurd?” Anne questioned with irritation all over her face. It took every bit of self-control in my body for me not to hit her. She’s the one who had ruined our one year of marriage, what seemed to be the perfect marriage I could ever imagine. What right did she have to be irritated?! “I mean…” Anne dragged out regardless, “You two weren’t even in a real marriage.” I knew it. She knew Ryan was married. After all, why wouldn’t she? She was the reason behind Ryan and I’s contractual marriage. Whilst I’d worked as a caregiver for Ryan, his mother had forced him into getting married to Anne, but he didn’t want to, and rather we’d gotten married. Now seeing Ryan with the girl he’d used me for did kind of sting. Anne scoffed, “Don’t tell me you actually fell in love with Ryan now, did you?” I did, and trust me, I regret every single moment of it, “No, why would I? Ryan isn’t actually someone who deserves love. Isn’t that why you are with him?” “Hey!” “Listen to me good and listen well. Just because Ryan and I just got divorced because of you doesn’t mean he actually loves you. He cheated on me despite being in a fake relationship as you’ve said, so can you imagine what’s going to happen to you?” Ryan pushed me backwards, “Hey, if you are done packing your things then hurry up and leave. I won’t tolerate you talking down to me in my own house.” “In your own house?” I inquired, gazing around the house I’d built with my hard-earned money and sweat, “The whole plot of land, the house, 1.3 billion dollars, the cars…” “Hey, what are you saying?” Ryan stuttered. “What? Are you scared? Or is it now you remember that you didn’t contribute a dime into our marriage? Don’t worry, you won’t be penniless. You and your girlfriend can feed and grow on your ‘love’ daily.” “And to be honest, you are quite well off too. Your company is doing well for the now so, remember all I said before? That’s just a tip of the iceberg on the divorce alimony.” I pressed his shoulder down as I whispered into his ears, “So honey, make sure to come with a good lawyer and try to fight me for all the things you didn’t work hard for. I’ll be waiting.” I bowed at Anne, “I wish you two a happy married life or whatever you want to do yourselves.” Turning back to face Ryan, I flashed him a sweet smile. A smile of victory because I was finally convinced that even if I was going down, I wasn’t going down in shame. Slapping the divorce papers against his chest, I said through gritted teeth, “See you in court.”

Ryan As I watched Ciara walk away from me, from our home, my blood began to boil. Turning to face Anne, I spat out, “Why did you come here?” Anne scoffed, “Babe, you can’t actually be angry with me right now, can you? She is the one who didn’t know her place. I was setting things right!” “Didn’t I warn you not to ever come by the house!?” Anne threw her hands up in the air, frustrated, “So what!? You’re impossible, do you know that? We kissed, hugged, went to public places as a couple, and all you kept telling me all that while was ‘I’ll take care of it,’ ‘Don’t let it bother you,’ ‘My wife and I aren’t in an actual marriage’…blah blah blah.” “That was all you did for the past one year, do you get it now?” Anne sifted her hair backwards. “You were just a coward who was too weak to make any moves, so I made things easier for you.” Anne picked up the signed divorce papers which had fallen to the ground. “See, I achieved what took you one year, in just a few minutes.” Glancing between Anne and the divorce papers, I quickly turned around, heading out through the front door to find Ciara. It was late at night, and she probably didn’t have anywhere to go, but Anne held me abruptly by the wrist. “Where do you think you are going?” She questioned through gritted teeth. “Let go of me.” “Why? So you can run back to that woman? You said she didn’t mean anything to you!” “And she doesn’t!” I retorted, tired of Anne’s tantrum. “But should I just leave her out there all alone? What if something happens to her?” “What if something happens to her? Is she your responsibility?” “Yes.” I showed her the ring on my index finger. “Until we are officially divorced in court, we’re still husband and wife.” “You know you are the only one who thinks that way, right?” I pushed off Anne’s grip from my wrist. “And you know I don’t care. You can sit around and make yourself at home or something.” With that said, I headed out the front door, searching frantically for any trace of Ciara—her favorite places inclusive—but it was to no avail. I stopped in my tracks, panting heavily as suddenly a thought came to mind: Tina. If Ciara had to be anywhere, she’d definitely be with Tina since Tina is the only friend she’d made here since we moved to this part of the town for our matrimonial home. Grabbing my phone out of my jeans pocket, I fumbled over the keypads as I punched in Tina’s name; thankfully it came up on time. “Pick up, pick up,” I mumbled over and over as I heard her ringtone buzz in my ears. “Tina?” “Ryan?” “Yes, it’s me. Thank God you picked up.” “Is everything alright? Your voice sounds shaky and—” “Have you heard from Ciara?” “Ciara? Not today, I haven’t.” “Please, can you do me a favor? If you hear from her, can you please give me a call? And if you have spare time in your hands, can you help me look for her and take her to your place?” “Yes, of course. I’ll do that.” I was relieved that she didn’t probe deeper by asking more questions and just left it at that. Knowing that no matter what happened today, Ciara would be safe with Tina had helped put my mind at rest and made me head back home. On getting to the front gates, I exhaled sharply—remembering that Anne was still inside and would throw more tantrums—before heading in. As expected, Anne was waiting for me in the living room with crossed arms. “You do realize how pathetic you look, right?” I brushed past her. “I’m not in the mood for this.” She grabbed my wrist, forcefully turning me to face her. It pissed me off so badly that I’d impulsively raised my balled fist, ready to launch at her, but I’d stopped mid-way. Anne’s eyes went from me to my fist. “Why did you stop? Go ahead and hit me.” “Stop pissing me the fuck off, Anne! Ciara is someone that even if I don’t have feelings for, we’d been married for a year. She was with me during a very dark time in my life when you were busy, I don’t know, getting nailed by a drunk perv—” Anne cut me off with a slap across my cheeks. “You could always explain yourself without disrespecting me.” “All I wanted to do was make sure Ciara got somewhere safe to stay the night for old time’s sake. If you have a problem with that, be free to tell that to someone who cares. I’m going to bed.” Storming off to the bedroom, which Ciara and I once shared, I saw that it was in a mess as Ciara had packed up her things in a hurry. I sighed, tidying up the little I could before stripping out of my clothes, turning off the bedroom light, and climbing onto the bed, but damn it, I couldn’t sleep. I reached out for my phone to text Tina if she was with Ciara already, but then, I heard a knock on my door. I didn’t bother to look to see who it was because hell, it was only Anne and I in this big ol’ house. “Do you have something to say?” I questioned. “Are you about to call someone?” God damn this woman and her million questions! She wasn’t like this when we were hooking up. “And if I was?” “Then hear me out first then,” She paused. “I’m sorry for raising my voice at you earlier and hitting you. I lost my cool thinking you still had feelings for that woman.” Placing my phone back on the bedstand, I opened my arms wide, “Come here.” And she did. Anne crawled into the bed and into my arms, and I wrapped my arms around her. “I’m sorry too for shouting at you and saying things I didn’t mean.” She tightened her hold on me. “Let’s never fight again, Ryan.” I nod my head in the darkness. “Sure.” Patting her hair, I continued, “Let’s sleep now.”

Ciara Out in the dark night, with my heavy suitcase in hand, I looked around, thinking of where I should spend the night. “Should I go to the sauna?” I muttered under my breath, bringing out my phone to check the time. “It’s too late. Most of the saunas would have been closed by now. What do I do? My battery’s almost down.” Just then, my phone rang; Tina flashed across the screen. Tina is a very good friend of mine. She’s been around since Ryan and I got married, so she was more like a family friend. She was, and still is, the only confidante I’ve had since I moved away from home, work, and everything. I cleared my throat before answering her call. “Tina, what’s the mat—” “Cut the crap and tell me where you are.” “What do you me-“ “Your husband called me, so hurry up and tell me where you are.” I stomped my feet heavily on the ground. Why had Ryan called Tina? The least I wanted to do right now was tread on my friend’s space. But now, given that I wasn’t left with much of a choice because I knew Tina wasn’t going to drop it, I told her where I was and waited patiently for her car to pull up. Sitting by the bench at the bus stop, I tried not to think about it. I really did, but my mind kept going back to Anne and Ryan at the house, those pictures on her phone. That only goes without saying that they’d been together since we’d gotten married, or maybe way before. There was no telling anything anymore. I was just angry right now, way beyond words, that I allowed myself to be used that way and by such a guy. Tina’s red sports car came into view as its headlights shined my way. Getting up from the bench, I brought my suitcase along with me to the front, waving at her car. She pulled up in front of me, helped me get my suitcase into the boot, and drove off. “Sorry, my husband—” I cursed softly. When would I outgrow this? I corrected myself immediately, “Sorry, Ryan asked you to come get me.” “Did you two fight?” “Why would you think so? Did he say anything?” “He doesn’t need to, Ciara. I can read you as clear as water. You went from ‘My husband’ to ‘Ryan’ in split seconds.” Heaving a heavy sigh, I rested my head backward. “It’s just something minor.” “So minor that you won’t stay at home? Come on, homegirl, tell me all about it.” “Maybe another time. You look browbeaten, and honestly, I just want to sleep tonight if that’s fine with you. It’s been a rough day.” “Sure, you deserve rest. That’s right, I just remembered today is your one-year anniversary. Can I at least congratulate you on that?” “No,” I say harshly and abruptly that I hadn’t given it enough thought that my words would hurt Tina. Rubbing my hands against my forehead, I moaned with frustration. “Dear God, Tina, I didn’t mean for it to come out the way it sounded. It’s just that…” I decided it was best to tell her. “Ryan and I are getting a divorce, and right now, I just don’t want to think or talk about anything, okay?” Tina looked like she’d just heard the most shocking news ever but still did her best to mask it. “Okay, homegirl, understood.” “Thank you,” I said before slowly drifting off to sleep for the rest of the ride. When we arrived at Tina’s, she’d woken me up. “Ciara, we’re here. Wake up.” Clearing my eyes, I looked around me. “Oh.” Unfastening my seatbelt, I climbed down from the car as I made my way toward the boot. Tina quickly climbed down as she rushed over to meet me. “What are you doing?” “I want to take my luggage.” “You should go in, wash up, eat, and sleep. It’s been a long day for you. I’ll take care of your luggage.” “But…” “No ‘buts,’ Ciara. And stop feeling like you are imposing on me because you and I both know you would have done the same thing for me if I was the one in the state you are in right now.” “I can’t do much for you, but the little I can, don’t try to stop me from doing it,” Tina concluded as I tried my best to suppress the urge to cry because I was overwhelmed, overwhelmed by the fact that I had a friend like her. Rather than sobbing, I embraced her ever so tightly. “Sorry and thank you.” She patted my back. “Let’s stop being sorry from today. Hurry up and go inside already. You must be starving.” “Okay.” “I already informed the help about your staying. She’ll show you to your room. Hurry up and go now, I’ll join you soon.” “Come up soon.” “Sure,” Tina responded as I turned my back at her and made my way toward her house. Tina’s house wasn’t a magnanimous mansion, but it was cozy. It was a two-story building which was white on the inside. There were flower beds on either side of the lawn that housed varieties of flowers. On walking in, I was nearly blinded with brightness coupled with the white interior of the house and the golden chandelier dangling from the center of the roof. “This way, ma’am,” A voice said, breaking my focus. It was then I realized that someone had come to me. I followed the help as she led me to the second floor and the first door on the right. “This is it.” “Thank you.” As I watched the maid turn away, I made my way into the room. The interior was pink, and it had just one bed. I stripped out of my clothes, making my way to the bathroom to shower. As I sank down onto the bathtub, memories of when I’d be bathing and he’d be singing songs for me from outside the door, telling me random jokes or how his day was at the office. I let out a small smile, hurt. “Or maybe while I thought he was telling me, he was busy telling HER.” I raised my hands to fan my eyes, trying to hold back my tears. “Why am I crying? He’s the one at fault, so why am I…” Tears took over my voice as I let my body give in to my pain, there and then at the bathtub, hugging my knees close to my chin. When I’d cried to my heart’s content, I stepped out of the bathroom, threw on a clean pair of clothes, and moved to the dining table, where I knew Tina would be waiting for me. As I ate, I could feel Tina’s questioning eyes on me. It was as if she didn’t want to intrude but needed answers. “Just ask it,” I threw out, my mouth filled with meatloaf. “What do you plan to do? After the divorce, I mean.” I heaved a heavy sigh. “I’ve sure missed working a lot, you know. I intend to go back to everything I gave up because of Ryan.” “So...you’ll be going back home?” I nod my head. “Yes, I’ll be going back home.” Home…funny how I haven’t thought about it for a year now.