Scorned by the Emperor for Ten Years, I Burned My Way to Freedom

I was about to speak when I looked up and saw Cassius standing behind Eloise. Those cold, imperious eyes, unchanged in ten years. Not by a fraction. When I didn't respond, Eloise ground her teeth and snapped: "I knew it! You've been playing hard to get this whole time! You say you don't want anything, you don't compete for anything, but the second I tell you to go to the Cold Palace, you won't do it! Liar!" "Eloise." Cassius said her name, just once, and every sharp edge on her smoothed out in an instant. She burrowed into his arms, small and pitiful. Even though I had given Cassius a daughter five years ago, Eloise was still the only child who existed in his eyes. He'd even sent my baby away the day after I gave birth, afraid that having my own child would make me less devoted to Eloise. A baby I had nearly died delivering. The agony of labor was nothing compared to the pain of being separated from my daughter. But for the honor of my family, for my parents stationed on the distant frontier, I had pulled myself together and gone back to pleasing this father and daughter. Ten years, though. I was done. For the first time, I did not bow or greet Cassius. I looked him straight in the eye. "Your subject Angelica Maxwell has offended the late Empress and failed in her care of Princess Eloise. I request to be sent to the Cold Palace." Cassius walked toward me, slow and deliberate. Those deep-set eyes betrayed nothing. "Are you throwing a tantrum?" "But you did offend the late Empress today." I knelt and pressed my forehead to the ground. "The fault is mine. I ask Your Majesty to send me to the Cold Palace." I had called myself "your subject," not "your consort." The same term I'd used ten years ago, before any of this began. Cassius's brow furrowed tight. "Eloise spoke out of anger. Why must you hold it against her? Besides, she can't do without you." "Apologize to her nicely, right now, and I'll pretend I never heard any of this." He assumed I would do what I had always done: lower my head and beg their forgiveness. I didn't move. Eloise, tired of waiting for her apology, balled her fists and charged at me, pounding blow after blow against my body. "You're the one who wants to take my mother's place! Why won't you apologize to me!" "You promised you'd never have children of your own besides me! You lied! You're the one who wronged me!" Her fists struck the exact spot where I'd been injured half a month ago, saving her when she fell from a horse. Pain tore through me so fast my face contorted. Cassius only looked annoyed. "She's a ten-year-old girl. How hard can she possibly hit?" Then the blood began seeping through my shoulder, staining the fabric dark. Only then did his expression shift. He reached out and caught Eloise's arm. Eloise stared at the spreading red, startled, but she still lifted her chin in defiance. "You were already hurt. Don't you dare blame me for that!" I looked at Eloise with a bitter half-smile. "The Princess is absolutely right." I had no desire to argue with a child. All I wanted now was to get away from this father and daughter as fast as I could. I had promised Cassius I would never bear a child of my own. Every time I was called to his bed, I drank the contraceptive draught without fail. But five years ago, Cassius had accidentally been dosed with an aphrodisiac. That night he was relentless, and I couldn't escape him. I didn't wake until the following evening. I took the draught immediately. Two weeks later, the routine health check still came back pregnant. Cassius said nothing at the time, but his brow stayed knotted, and it didn't ease. The frontier was in crisis then. Morale among the troops had plummeted. Cassius, still seething, had been withholding supply shipments. To rally the soldiers, to give my parents and brother fighting on the border something to hold on to, I had no choice. I let word of the pregnancy spread. Cassius had no sons. For a dynasty, there was no greater vulnerability. So when news broke that I was with child, the entire empire believed the throne finally had an heir.

Morale had never been higher. My father and brother had crushed the barbarian tribes that plagued the frontier for years, even capturing their prince. From that moment on, the two of them saw me as a woman of calculating ambition. Even when the child I bore turned out to be only a little princess, she was sent away from the palace the very next day. The memory of that tiny face, glimpsed for barely a second, sent a dull ache through my chest. I had done what I knew I shouldn't have. I had wanted too much. I met Cassius's dark, unreadable gaze and spoke with all the sincerity I possessed: "If Your Majesty still holds any regard for our past and cannot bring himself to banish me to the Cold Palace, then send me beyond the walls to be with Rosalind Abbott. Tell the court I left of my own will, to pray for the empire's prosperity." A crease of anger had already settled between Cassius's brows: "I've already shown you more kindness than you deserve. I even sent for Rosalind to be brought into the palace. What more do you want?" "Even if Eloise went too far today, you raised her for ten years. That she turned out this way is your failure. What right do you have to be dissatisfied?" My voice remained steady, earnest: "I have no dissatisfaction. I only ask for Your Majesty's grace." Cassius was silent for a long moment before his voice turned cold: "No consort has ever left the palace. Since you've begged to be thrown into the Cold Palace, I'll grant your wish." His tone shifted: "If you regret it, I can still revoke the order. The decree hasn't been announced to the other quarters yet." I pressed my forehead to the ground and accepted. "I thank Your Majesty for his grace." "Angelica!" Cassius ground out my name through clenched teeth, then turned and swept from the room. The Cold Palace was bleak and desolate, yet I felt lighter than I had in years. If I hadn't come here, Eloise would only have grown more furious seeing me close to Rosalind. She didn't love me, but she was fiercely possessive of me. To embroider the perfect blessing charm for her, I had stitched a hundred and seventy-seven before she finally picked the one she liked. The rest she burned in a single fire. At the time, Eloise had said: "I know you wanted to save one for Rosalind. But she doesn't deserve to have the same things as me." Her smile was innocent. Her eyes were as cold and deep as her father's. A plate of coarse bread and half-raw greens was set before me. The maid who brought it looked vaguely familiar. She smiled and said: "You're no Noble Consort now. You should count yourself lucky to get even this." "If you hadn't served His Majesty all those years, you probably wouldn't get anything at all." When I gave no reaction, she let out a theatrical sigh: "Really, all you'd have to do is bow your head to His Majesty, and you could have any delicacy you wanted. You were a pampered young lady back home. Why ruin yourself over a moment of stubbornness?" Behind the crumbling door, a sliver of imperial gold peeked into view. I understood. This was Cassius's clumsy way of offering me a way out. He had always used other people's mouths to remind me that I was nothing without him. And I had always followed meekly behind him and his daughter, without a word of complaint. Ten years of being hollow. I was done. I fixed my gaze on that sliver of gold fabric and spoke: "No feast in the world compares to this simple meal. These days in the Cold Palace have given me more peace than I ever knew before." Here, I didn't need to please anyone. I didn't need to carry the weight of my family's honor. And no one stood over me every waking moment to remind me I was a replacement, a cuckoo in another woman's nest. The door slammed shut. The flash of gold vanished. I had no interest in chasing after him. I turned back to my meal. But a small figure came darting out from behind the door. She had her hair tied in two little buns, and the moment she saw me, she called out for her mother, over and over. We had never met before. Yet I knew her at a single glance. This was my flesh and blood, separated from me for five long years.

"Mama... Daddy..." Rosalind kept pointing in the direction the man had gone. The maid who'd brought my meals raised her brows, looking at me as though I were the most ungrateful creature alive. "His Majesty brought Princess Rosalind here the moment she arrived at the palace, all so you'd agree to leave this place. And you threw his kindness back in his face!" I finally recognized her. She was the Emperor's personal attendant, Margery. Ten years ago, she'd come to the palace as part of the late Empress Isabelle's dowry retinue. She bore a faint resemblance to the Empress, and Eloise used to cling to her as a small child, calling her "Mother." Margery claimed she stayed by the Emperor's side to care for the people the late Empress couldn't bear to leave behind. But her real feelings slipped through the cracks often enough. I wasn't jealous. I wasn't even irritated. I only said, quietly: "Since you care so much about His Majesty, why don't you go comfort him on behalf of me and your beloved Empress?" She glared at me, furious. "I just can't stand the way you act, taking his affection for granted. You know perfectly well that His Majesty cares for you, yet you insist on playing these games!" She stamped her foot and stormed out. She called herself a servant to my face, but there wasn't an ounce of respect behind it. It didn't matter. I'd already stopped caring about Cassius himself. The opinions of the people around him mattered even less. I gathered Rosalind into my arms and held her close, savoring every second of this brief, borrowed time together. The dark circles under her eyes were impossible to miss. She'd clearly been struggling to sleep for a long while. My heart ached. I found the softest fabric I had and sewed a small sachet filled with calming herbs for her. I'd just started to rock her to sleep when the rotting doors of the Cold Palace were kicked open with a crash. The moment Eloise saw Rosalind cradled in my arms, something wild flared in her eyes. She rushed forward, reaching to tear Rosalind away. I frowned and raised my hand to block her. Her eyes rimmed red instantly. "You haven't held me like that in so long. Why are you holding her?" "I knew it. You only care about your own child. You never really loved me!" Like a small, starving animal denied the one thing it craved, Eloise's tears fell in fat, heavy drops. But I could only furrow my brow in confusion. "Eloise, have you forgotten what you said to me?" From the time Eloise was still in swaddling clothes, I'd held her in my arms every night and rocked her to sleep. Then one day, when she was four and old enough to form memories, she suddenly burst into tears and accused me of pinching her. She said she was afraid I'd pinch her to death in her sleep. Someone had clearly whispered those words into her ear. But Cassius never investigated. He dismissed it as the fragile outburst of a child mourning her birth mother. Worse, he blamed me for failing to raise Eloise well enough, claiming my negligence had made her so insecure. After that, Eloise was no longer just a child to me. She was also my sovereign's daughter. I never dared overstep again. Holding her was out of the question. Eloise seemed to remember all of this too, but she doubled down regardless. "Then you still can't hold her!" Rosalind, startled awake by the noise, didn't cry. She just burrowed deeper into my arms, trembling. The sight only enraged Eloise further. She lunged forward and grabbed at us. I didn't see it coming. She shoved me, and I fell. Rosalind screamed. I wrapped myself around her, shielding her with everything I had. My arm struck the stone floor and I heard the crack before I felt it. The color drained from my face. But Eloise acted as though she'd seized on some unforgivable offense. She ripped the calming sachet I'd sewn for Rosalind right off her clothes and held it up. "Why does she get the same sachet as me?!" I looked into Eloise's eyes, brimming with hatred, and let out a weary sigh. "The sachet I made for you? You threw it into the fire pit a long time ago." "Besides, she's my daughter. Is it so wrong for me to make something for her?" If Eloise cared to remember, she would know that what I'd done for her went far beyond a single sachet. Sewing her winter clothes through the bitter cold. Making ice for her in the sweltering heat. I taught her music, chess, calligraphy, painting, needlework, embroidery. Every last skill I had, I poured into that child without reservation. Yet she still glared at me with those hateful eyes. "I knew it. You only ever cared about your own daughter!" She hurled the sachet to the ground and stamped on it, grinding it into the dirt until it was filthy and ruined. Only then did she whip around and storm off. That rigid, retreating back was identical to her father's. Rosalind had gone white with shock, but she still blinked back tears and helped me to my feet. Then, with careful fingers, she wiped the sachet clean and tucked it against her chest. "Don't cry, Mama..." My heart ached so badly I pulled her into my arms. Before I could say a single word, the Emperor's men came and took her away. As they led her off, Rosalind turned and waved, smiling. "I'll come see you again tomorrow, Mama!" Tomorrow never came. Wailing tore through the palace and ripped me from sleep. My chest seized. I ran out without shoes, without stockings, without stopping.