We Don’t Speak of the Past, Love Is Already Gone

“Of course not, Sir Bastian! I’ve always thought of Zee as my little sister. She’s very straightforward, so I took extra care of her at work. I didn’t expect that to cause a misunderstanding.” I stared at Samuel's smile. The noise around me suddenly felt overwhelming, like I was drowning. A silent pressure wrapped around my chest, leaving me nowhere to escape. One year of a secret relationship. Three hundred and sixty-five days and nights of hiding. All of it shattered by his casual words: little sister. I took a deep breath and forced a smile. Then I stepped forward and held my father’s arm. “Mom, Dad, don’t worry. On New Year’s Eve, I’ll bring my boyfriend home so you can meet him.” My father froze for a moment, then his eyes lit up. He patted my hand happily. “That’s great! I really want to see which handsome young man made you hide him for a whole year.” My mother laughed as well and held my hand gently. “Yes, tell us in advance so we can prepare the food. We can’t treat him carelessly.” Samuel didn’t seem to hear us at all. He was only holding Alenna’s hand and looking at her. I watched the happiness on his face. The pain in my chest suddenly surged, pushing me into a reckless, almost self-destructive mood. I curved my lips into a smile and looked at him. “What a coincidence. My boyfriend is also a doctor. He even works at the same hospital as Dr. Nightfall.” The air around us froze instantly. The smile on Samuel’s face stiffened. He ignored Alenna and stared at me. His lips moved silently. 'Don’t do this.' It was exactly like before, when we used to secretly kiss in his office, and someone knocked on the door. He would panic, push me away, then secretly blink at me to beg for forgiveness. But now, his fear was different. He was afraid I would ruin his future with Alenna. Afraid I would expose his lies and his betrayal. I looked into those familiar eyes. It felt as if an invisible hand squeezed my heart tightly. The pain made my fingers tremble. I forced a smile, looked away, and didn’t look at him again. “But he’s quite low-key. When I bring him back for the Spring Festival, you’ll know.” Samuel clearly relaxed. The tension in his body eased, though his ears were still painfully red—whether from guilt or fear, I didn’t know. Just then, my father’s phone rang. He answered it, laughed a few times, then waved at us after hanging up. “Old Will and the others are missing two people. They’re urging your mom and me to join them. It’s already past midnight—perfect timing for an all-night game.” My mother nodded. “Then we’ll leave first. You young people enjoy yourselves.” She turned to me, worry in her eyes. “Zee, it’s late. It’s not safe for you to go home alone. Let Sammy take you.” Alenna immediately wrapped her arm around Samuel’s and smiled sweetly. “Uncle, Auntie, don’t worry. Samuel and I will send Ms. Zoe home together. We’ll make sure she gets back safely.” A wave of nausea rose in my stomach. I quickly waved my hand. “No need. My ride is already here, right at the intersection.” As I turned to leave, Samuel suddenly grabbed my wrist. His grip was tight as if he wanted my parents to see it, or as if he was warning me. “Sir Bastian and Madam Helena have entrusted you to me,” he said firmly. “I must send you home safely.” Before I could react, he pulled me forward and pushed me into the back seat.

The moment the car door closed, I saw Samuel walk around to the other side and bend down to fasten Alenna’s seat belt. His movements were gentle. When his fingers brushed past her hair, he even reminded her softly, “Sit properly.” Alenna looked up at him with a smile, wrapped her arms around his neck, and kissed his cheek. “Got it. Drive slowly then,” she said sweetly. I sat in the back seat and looked around the car. It felt as if my heart was being tightly squeezed, so painful that I could barely breathe. This passenger seat used to belong to me. The lucky cat charm hanging in the car was something I searched for across three streets to buy. The photo on the dashboard was from our first trip to the amusement park. Even the car air freshener used to be my favorite citrus scent. But now, the lucky cat was gone. The photo had been replaced with a picture of him and Alenna leaning close together. The scent had changed to rose. Apparently, it was Alenna’s favorite. Even the cartoon seat cushion I had forced him to use was gone, replaced by a lace one that matched Alenna’s dress. Only then did I realize, Samuel had already erased every trace of me from his life. I turned my head away and stared at the fast-moving scenery outside the window. My eyes burned badly, but I forced the tears back. The whole ride was silent. When the car stopped downstairs at my place, Samuel got out first and opened the back door for me. “I’ll walk you upstairs.” He turned and smiled at Alenna in the passenger seat. “Lenne, wait in the car for a moment. I’ll be back soon.” Alenna nodded obediently and waved at me. I ignored her and walked straight into the residential area. Samuel followed behind me in silence. The streetlights stretched our shadows long on the ground. It looked exactly like our relationship over the past year—hidden, unseen, and never in the light. “I’ve packed up your things. They’re with the security guard.” When we reached the building entrance, Samuel finally spoke, “That apartment… Lenne is going to live there. It wouldn’t be good if she found out.” My hand tightened around my keys. My fingertips felt cold. That apartment where we secretly lived for almost a year, with the wallpaper I chose, the fridge filled with his favorite food, and the matching pajamas hanging in the closet... To him, it was just a place full of secrets that Alenna could never know about. I didn’t speak. I didn’t turn around. I only lowered my head and stared at the keyhole. After a few seconds of silence, Samuel spoke again, his voice low and uneasy. “Zee… I’m sorry.” I finally turned to look at him. The hallway light fell on his face. I saw a flash of panic in his eyes. I tugged at the corner of my lips and gave a faint, mocking smile. “No need to apologize. We were never really together anyway. We were just sleeping together.” Those words hit him like a needle. Samuel’s expression changed instantly. He grabbed my hand hard, making me frown in pain. “Zoe, do you really have to say it like that?” I looked at him. Coldness slowly rose in my eyes. Was it really that harsh? Compared to how he lied to me on New Year’s Eve, saying he was working overtime, then turned around and kissed another woman. Compared to how he erased every trace of me from his life and moved his new lover into our rented apartment. Compared to how he casually told my parents that he only ever saw me as a sister. What I said was nothing at all. After Samuel left, the strength I had forced myself to hold onto all night finally collapsed. The tears I had been holding back for so long suddenly fell onto the back of my hand. It was hot enough to hurt.

I stayed crouched on the floor, crying until my whole body shook. I cried until the night faded and the sky slowly began to brighten. When I was too tired to cry anymore, I buried myself under the blanket. I turned off my phone and pulled the curtains shut, letting the room fall into complete darkness. I took a week off work and didn’t tell anyone why. During those days, I didn’t eat a single meal. I didn’t step outside the door even once. Only when I was extremely thirsty did I crawl out of bed to drink a mouthful of cold water. My stomach was empty. Hunger made my limbs weak. But the emptiness in my heart could not be filled at all. On the fifth evening, the sunset outside slipped through a gap in the curtains and fell onto the floor. I stared at that strip of light for a long time. Suddenly, I felt there was no need to punish myself like this anymore. Slowly, I got up and walked into the bathroom. The person in the mirror looked terrible. My face was pale. Dark circles hung under my eyes. My lips were dry and cracked. I looked completely worn out. I turned on the hot water and took a long shower. Then I took out my makeup and carefully put it on. I drew my eyebrows. I added eyeshadow. I put on a bright red lipstick. Looking at myself in the mirror, seeing a bit of life return to my face, I suddenly smiled. I changed into a beautiful dress, put on high heels, and walked out of the house. I went to a small private restaurant I had been craving for a long time. I pushed the door open and ordered all my favorite dishes. Steaming pork ribs. Crispy, spicy chicken. When the sweet and sour flavor of the ribs spread across my tongue, my eyes felt warm—but not because I was sad. It was because I suddenly understood something. Compared to good food, Samuel really meant nothing. The false sweetness he gave me was far less real than a plate of juicy ribs. After eating my fill, my stomach felt warm, and even my mood improved. I paid the bill and walked slowly along the street. The night wind brushed my face with a slight chill. When I passed the hospital, I slowed down. After a moment of thought, I walked inside. The nurse on duty saw me and smiled. “Zee, didn’t you take leave? Why are you here?” I smiled back. I was about to say I came to resign, but she lowered her voice first. “Don’t you know? Our department's chief just decided. The permanent position went to Alenna—the girl who joined last week.” I froze for a moment, then understood. Of course. I had turned off my phone and stayed home all week. I wouldn’t know these things. I didn’t feel much at all. Not even surprised. It felt like I had already expected this ending. I pulled the corner of my lips into a small smile. “I see. Thank you. I’m actually here to resign.” Before, when I walked through this building, I only thought about becoming permanent. I dreamed of standing publicly beside Samuel. But standing here now, I only felt light. The resignation process went smoothly. After signing the last paper, I placed my work badge on the desk and walked out of the hospital. The moment I stepped outside, I let out a long breath, as if a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders. I didn’t go home. Instead, I bought a plane ticket to the southern part of the city for three days later. After everything was done, I finally called my parents and told them about quitting my job and traveling. On the other end of the phone, my parents were silent for a few seconds before they burst into happy cheers. During my secret relationship with Samuel this past year, I lived carefully and anxiously. I gave all my time and energy to Samuel. And I forgot that the people I should have been spending that time with were my parents. After I hung up the call with my parents, I hummed a song on my way home. I started packing my luggage, searching through drawers and boxes. Everything related to Samuel, I threw it all into the trash. I cleaned it out completely without hesitation. Three days later, I pulled my suitcase downstairs with my parents. We were heading to the airport. Just as we reached the gate of our apartment complex, a familiar figure suddenly blocked our way. It was Samuel. Dark circles hung under his eyes. His hair was messy. He looked tired and worn out. When he saw my suitcase, his eyes widened. “Where are you going? Why did you quit your job? Why didn’t you reply to my messages?”