Excluded and Uninvited

Clarice and Kyle both followed the same travel vlogger. I didn’t think anything of the situation since the three of us had been friends since high school. The strange thing was that they had a private group chat that didn’t include me. I only found out because Kyle accidentally sent a message in our group chat. “I got us a table reservation at that restaurant for Sunday. Don’t be late.” It took less than a second before the text was deleted. I asked, “What restaurant? Let’s go together.” Kyle typed back, “Oops. Wrong chat. I’m having dinner with a colleague.” Clarice stayed silent throughout. It took some time, but I started connecting the dots. Whenever the three of us had something planned, one of them would cancel at the last minute. Previously, Clarice said she’d get the tickets for the music festival, but somehow, she could only secure two. Those went to her and Kyle. During our last camping trip, Kyle said that he only managed to borrow two sets of gear. When I offered to rent my own, Kyle brushed me off, saying that it was just too much of a hassle and that there was always a next time. That same weekend, Kyle and Clarice posted photos from that exact campsite, twenty minutes apart. For six months, I convinced myself that I was just unlucky. Looking back now, I realized that I had been singled out. So I left the group chat. No explanations. No accusations. I muted notifications from travel apps, ticketing apps, and restaurant bookings. Then, I booked a solo trip to Lake Tahoe, a ticket with no refund and no amendment allowed. Chapter 1 I quit the group chat, only for my phone to buzz with a notification. It was a message from Clarice Bell. “What is it this time?" I stared at her text for a long time. This time? So that was all this was to Clarice. Every time I felt hurt, it was just another moment of being dramatic. I didn’t reply to her text message. Out in the living room, Kyle Tenner’s laughter echoed from the door. “Clarice, I got you your favorite iced Americano, easy on the ice, no sweetener.” Clarice took the drink, her tone casual. “Thanks.” Spotting me, Kyle paused and chuckled. “Oh, I wasn’t expecting to see you here, James. I thought you’d be working late tonight.” I slapped my phone face down on the table. “This is my place.” The smile on Kyle’s face froze before the tension along his facial lines eased. “I didn’t mean it like that. Don’t take this the wrong way.” Clarice met my gaze. “It was just an offhand remark. What’s with the attitude?” I chuckled softly. “Am I wrong, though?” Furrowing her brows, Clarice set her cup of coffee down on the table. “What’s your deal today, James?” Kyle murmured, “Is this about the text I sent by mistake? James, it was an honest mistake. I made those dinner plans with a colleague of mine.” I looked at him. “Who is this colleague of yours?” Kyle’s eyes welled up. “Is this supposed to be an interrogation?” Clarice stepped out in front of him. “That’s enough.” It was so typical of Clarice. Before Kyle even finished speaking, Clarice was there to take all the pain on his behalf. My mind drifted back to high school, when the three of us snuck out of study hall to watch the fireworks. The crowd pushed me to the back. Cutting through the mass, Clarice reached her hand out to me and uttered, “Stay close, James. Don’t fall behind.” At that moment, I honestly thought that we’d be the inseparable trio forever. It took me a long time to realize that I was always the one being ditched. Kyle slid the coffee across the table. “Here you go, James. I’ll just get Clarice another drink.” My gaze dropped. One iced black coffee with light ice and no sweetener was Clarice’s usual. It wasn’t mine. My stomach couldn’t handle anything iced. Yet, Kyle remembered her preferences but never bothered with mine. Clarice made no mention either. I pushed the cup of coffee back. “I’m good.” Clarice’s voice turned grim. “Kyle said that he was sorry. What else do you expect from him?” I looked her in the eye. “I left the group chat.” Chapter 2 The air went still for a second. Kyle looked up. “Why, though? We’ve had the group since high school, and you’re leaving out of nowhere?” Clarice stared at me, annoyance flicking in her eyes. “Stop it, James.” I said, “I didn’t quit on a whim.” “Why did you leave then?” I held my phone and showed her the screen with my flight confirmation for Lake Tahoe. “I’m leaving on Sunday.” Clarice was taken aback. “By yourself?” “Yeah.” Kyle said, “James, are you still upset? It’s not safe to travel alone. Besides, weren’t we supposed to take a trip to the beach next month?” I met his gaze. “Will there just be tickets for two again?” Color drained from Kyle’s face. Clarice’s frown deepened. “What do you mean by two tickets?” I chuckled. “Oh, you don’t know?” She stopped talking. Her silence was all too familiar. Any time Kyle was at the center of an issue, Clarice would use her silence to shield him. Kyle refuted, “We only managed to snag two tickets for the music festival. Clarice didn’t bring it up because she was afraid you’d be disappointed.” “What about the camping trip?” “It was true we didn’t have enough gear.” “The photos of you two at the campsite were taken twenty minutes apart from each other.” Kyle’s tears rolled down his cheeks. “James, have you been keeping tabs on me?” Clarice scowled. “James, if there’s zero trust between friends, why even bother?” I shifted my attention to her. As it turned out, I had been pushed aside for six months, yet somehow, I was the one who needed to reflect on trust. I locked my phone screen, got up, and went to my room. Clarice’s voice came up from behind me. “Where are you going?” I replied, “I’m packing my bags.” She said curtly, “If you’re really going to walk away over something this small, don’t expect me to be the one who comes running after you.” I halted my footsteps. Kyle murmured, “James, just stop this. You’re making Clarice worry.” I didn’t look back. It struck me that getting a non-refundable, non-amendable ticket was a brilliant decision. At least, no one could cancel my plans for me. … I had just popped open my suitcase when Clarice barged through the door. Standing at the entrance, she glanced at my clothes that were spread out. “Are you for real?” I folded my UV-protection jacket. “Yeah.” “All over a text Kyle sent by mistake?” My fingers stilled. “It’s not just that.” Clarice approached and snatched the jacket right out of my hands. “James, we’ve been together for three years and known each other for ten. Are you seriously throwing all that away over some misunderstanding?” I met her gaze. “Misunderstanding?” “Isn’t it? She softened her tone. “Kyle’s just thoughtless sometimes. You know that. If you’re really going to hold every little thing against him, that’s on you.” My eyes fell on the jacket in her hand. That piece of apparel was something she picked up as an afterthought for my birthday last year. The tag still had the note Kyle left when he helped her pick it out. “This one works for James. It’s flattering on anyone.” So it was generic. Somehow, even the gift itself felt like something Clarice had grabbed out of convenience. “Clarice.” I asked, “Have you ever put me first, even just once?” She was stunned. Kyle knocked on the door. “Clarice, please don’t fight with James. It’s all my fault.” Clarice snapped her head around. “You don’t need to get involved.” I chuckled. She turned her attention to me, stung by my laughter. “What’s so funny?” “Nothing.” I pulled the jacket out of her hand. “Just noticing how quick you are to defend him.” She fell silent for a bit. “Do you have to be mean?” Kyle opened the door and entered the room with a small paper bag in hand. “James, I picked up this travel journal for you when I passed by a shop earlier. I know you love keeping journals. Take this as my peace offering, will you?” Chapter 3 My eyes dropped to the paper bag. It had a blue cover featuring Lake Tahoe. Before, I would’ve just given in. It was a little habit of mine to keep my train tickets, admission tickets, and photos in a journal. The journal from our high school graduation trip still sat on the top shelf of my bookcase. It held the first picture we ever took as a group. That was the first time Clarice ever wrote anything to me. “From now on, you’re coming with me wherever I go.” I lowered my gaze. “No, thanks.” Kyle’s arm was left hanging in the air. “Do you despise me or something?” Clarice’s voice was laced with criticism. “James, he’s hurting.” I replied, “How so?” Kyle’s eyes glistened with tears. “Forget it. I’ll just go, Clarice. I don’t want to be the reason you’re fighting.” Clarice glanced at me before grabbing her jacket. “I’ll walk him out.” I didn’t stop her. The door shut with a soft click. Yet somehow, that moment seemed to carry away the last trace of warmth in the room. Clarice wasn’t back half an hour later. An hour passed, and Kyle posted an update on his social media. The photo was taken at a cozy little restaurant. There were two dinners laid out on the table, and a woman’s hand was peeling shrimp for him. The caption read, “Nothing can turn a bad day around quite like good food.” I tapped on the photo. On the wrist was the bracelet I had bought for Clarice. I saved three months of my salary to get her the piece of jewelry when she got a work promotion last year. Clarice told me it was too dressy, too impractical for everyday wear. It wasn’t that she couldn’t get used to it. Clarice simply didn’t wear it for me. My phone buzzed. It was a message from Clarice. “Kyle’s not feeling great, so I’ll be back later. Take some time to cool off.” Staring at the text, I lost the will to speak. I unpinned her chat from the top of my inbox. Then, I pulled down our graduation trip journal from the bookshelf. The cover was worn out, the edges frayed from years of use. I flipped to the last page. The promise about taking me on every adventure was still there. The ink had faded. I slipped the journal into the inner compartment of my suitcase. The sound of the door lock turning echoed through. Clarice was back. Kyle’s woody cologne lingered on her. Her expression soured when she saw me packing. “Are you still at it?” I shut the suitcase. “Clarice, I’ll really be gone on Sunday.” She chuckled, her tone indifferent and certain. “You wouldn’t.” … Kyle arrived early on a Sunday morning before my alarm clock went off. He showed up outside our door with breakfast and smiled like no bad blood ever happened. “James, I picked up your favorite iced coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Let’s eat before I take you to the airport.” I glanced at the bag in his hand. The drink inside was ice cold. The sandwich filler was shrimp. Shellfish triggered my allergies. I didn’t accept the food. “Thank you, but I’m good.” Kyle paused before turning to Clarice. “Did I mess up the order again?” While buttoning up her dress, Clarice turned her attention to me. “I thought you’d enjoy a sandwich for breakfast.” I replied, “I can’t have seafood.” Clarice froze. Kyle was quick to apologize. “I’m sorry, James. It slipped my mind. I’ll get you something else right now.” Clarice took the bag from Kyle. “Don’t bother. He can skip breakfast for all we care.” I dragged my suitcase out. Clarice got in my way. “I’ll take you.” “I’m fine.” “James.” Her voice dropped low. “Don’t turn this into something it’s not.” Kyle murmured, “James, let Clarice drop you off at the airport. It’s a pain carrying all the bags on your own.” I looked at Clarice. Her eyes reflected weariness and annoyance. The only thing missing was genuine concern. I released my grip on the handle. “Fine.” The ride to the destination was quiet. Kyle sat in the front passenger seat. He said that he was meeting a colleague who happened to reside near the airport anyway. Chapter 4 I sat in the back and watched as Kyle adjusted his seat, synced the bluetooth, and grabbed the lip balm from the storage compartment like he had done a million times before. That was the chapstick I had bought. Clarice mentioned that the air in the car tended to get dry, so she kept one there for my convenience. Kyle twisted it open and applied some to his lips. “I hope you don’t mind, James. My lips are chapped.” I replied, “Go on.” Clarice observed me from the rear-view mirror. She probably hadn’t expected me to handle the situation so calmly. Kyle grinned. “James, how long are you planning to stay in Lake Tahoe?” “I’m not sure.” “It’s no fun traveling alone. Why don’t we join you later this week?” Kyle turned to Clarice. “Clarice, don’t you follow that travel influencer too? She talked about the beautiful sunsets in Lake Tahoe.” Clarice stayed quiet. I looked out the window. “Don’t come.” Kyle’s expression went stiff. Clarice said, “James, enough is enough.” “Is it a crime to tell you not to come?” “Kyle was just being nice.’ I grinned. “I’ll pass.” The car pulled up outside the airport departures terminal. I stepped out of the car and retrieved my suitcase. Clarice got out after me and grabbed my wrist. “Text me once you get there.” I tried to withdraw my arm, but I couldn’t pull away from her. “I won’t.” “James.” “We’re done.” Her grip tightened. Kyle got out of the car. “James, don’t do anything rash.” Clarice stared at me, her voice low. “Say that again.” I locked eyes with her. “It’s over between us.” As if she had heard the most ridiculous thing ever, Clarice scoffed. “All over a trip? Over a group chat?” “It’s because I’m the one who gets left behind every single time.” She fell silent. Kyle whispered, “James, so much of it was pure coincidence. We didn’t mean to exclude you.” I turned to him. “Is it a coincidence that you have a group chat without me too?” Kyle went white. Clarice furrowed her brows. “You went through my phone?” “No,” I responded. “He replied in the wrong chat.” Kyle teared up. “Clarice, it wasn’t intentional! I was just trying to bounce some ideas around, like planning a surprise for James.” I asked, “What’s the surprise?” Kyle opened his mouth, but no words came out. Clarice stepped out to shield Kyle. “That’s enough. Must you make things awkward for everyone?” Over the PA system, a voice announced that my flight was open for check-in. I grabbed my suitcase. “It is pretty awkward.” Clarice pulled a long face. “There’s no turning back for us if you walk away today.” I nodded. “Okay.” She was taken aback. Turning on my heel, I walked into the terminal. Before stepping into security, I looked back. Clarice stood there. Kyle leaned into her, looking like he was sobbing, She didn’t chase after me. Then came the last text from Clarice, seconds before I set my phone to airplane mode. “James, don’t come crawling back to me.” I killed the screen. It hit me that the moment I was ready to walk out of her life, the pain was not as bad as I thought. However, a void lingered within me, like a ticket for an old journey finally ripped apart. … My flight was delayed. The boarding announcement rang out just as I sat down in the waiting area. Once my phone caught a signal, a barrage of messages spammed my phone. Clarice: “Where are you now?” Clarice: “Cut the nonsense and get out here now.” Clarice: “Kyle is hysterical. Happy now?” The last message was ten minutes ago. “I guess you’re not keeping your old journal anymore. Kyle spilled some water on it while cleaning up breakfast this morning. It’s a little wet.” The tips of my fingers froze. My old journal. I yanked open the inner compartment of my suitcase. It was empty. Right then, all the sounds around me drowned out. I knew for a fact that I had packed the journal away. Right before leaving home, Kyle stood in the entryway and claimed the bag was leaking. He sent me to the kitchen to grab some paper towels. Chapter 5 I hadn’t even been gone for a minute. With that, I dialed Clarice’s number. The call was connected right away, and Clarice’s angry voice rang through. “So you finally decided to talk?” I asked, “Where’s the journal?” She paused. “Home.” “Snap a picture and send it to me.” “James, must you be so aggressive? Kyle feels bad enough.” I clutched my phone. “Just send me the photo.” The line went quiet for a few seconds. Then Kyle’s sobbing voice came in the background. “I’m sorry, James. I didn’t mean to. I thought it was junk and put it on the table because it looked old, but coffee got on it.” I closed my eyes. “Clarice, pass the phone to him.” Clarice didn’t sound pleased. “What are you trying to do?” “I want to ask him why he felt the need to go through my suitcase.” Kyle’s crying grew louder. “I wasn’t digging through your stuff. I wanted to pack you a scarf. I swear that was all. Clarice said, “He’s only trying to help. Stop assuming the worst of people.” I let out a scoff, my throat tightening. “The journal had the ticket stub given to me by my late grandmother.” Clarice fell silent. The ticket stub was from the last train ride I took with my late grandmother. She said that wherever I went in the future, I should always leave myself more options. Then, she was gone. I clipped the ticket stub on the very first page of the journal. Clarice knew that. She was the one who carefully stuck it into my scrapbook after our high school graduation trip. I heard the rustle of pages turning on the other end of the line. Soon, Clarice spoke in hushed tones, “It’s damp, but it’ll be fine once we air it out a little.” Kyle added. “A few pages are stuck together. I tried to separate them, but the paper ripped a little. I asked, “What about the ticket stub?” No one said a thing. I asked again, “Clarice, is the stub still there?” Kyle whimpered, “I don’t know. The page was too wet. I didn’t want to get it moldy, so I threw out a little torn piece.” With my vision going dark, I held onto the back of the chair to stay on my feet. Clarice panicked a little. “James, don’t get ahead of yourself. We’ll get it restored.” “Restored?” My voice was barely a whisper. “How are you going to do that?” “It was just a ticket stub.” Clarice probably realized how bad that sounded and paused, her voice softening. “That came out wrong. The point is, we can figure something out when something is broken. You don’t have to blow up over the matter.” Just a ticket stub. Merely a scrapbook. It was just me. Kyle wept, “James, take it out on me if it makes you feel better. Don’t blame Clarice. I stopped her when she wanted to chase you to the airport this morning.” Clarice murmured, “Don’t cry. It’s not your fault.” It wasn’t Kyle’s fault, apparently. Whose was it then? It was time to board my flight. I listened to the announcement while fighting back the tears. “Clarice.” She responded right away, “Go ahead.” “You can keep the journal.” “What are you trying to say?” “Whether it’s damp or ruined, just dump it.” A silence took over the call. I uttered, “After all, the promise you wrote inside, that you’d take me wherever you went, had already been broken long ago.” Clarice’s voice was strained. “Where are you, James? I’m coming to you right now.” I stared at the line in front of the boarding gate. “Don’t bother.” “James.” Her voice sounded sincere for once. Too bad it was too late. I ended the call and blocked her number. Boarding the plane, I presented my single ticket to the gate attendant. She said with a smile, “Have a nice trip.” I nodded. Right as I stepped onto the boarding bridge, someone shouted my name in the back.