Living for Me

Three days after the college acceptances came out, my parents rented the biggest banquet hall in town to throw my sister, Makayla, a party. The hotel manager asked whose names should go on the invitation header. Mom didn't even hesitate before filling in Makayla's. "Just write Makayla's. She's had it tough since she was little, and she worked so hard to get into nursing school. At least now she has a bright future ahead of her." Dad was sitting right beside her, carefully picking out the seat right in the middle of the head table for Makayla. "Makayla will sit here. That way, guests will see her as soon as they walk in. It'll let everyone know the Martins haven't mistreated her." Seeing me remain silent, my brother Jason dropped his usual harsh tone, softening his voice for once. "Emma, don't overthink it. We're just leaving your name off this time. "Everyone knows you've always gotten good grades. Putting your name on it will only upstage Makayla. If guests start asking questions, imagine how embarrassing that'd be for her." It wasn't until it came time to pay the deposit that Mom finally glanced at me with a frown. "Come early on the day of the banquet and stand by the entrance to welcome everyone. Your sister is timid and doesn't know how to entertain people." "Another thing, if anyone asks how you did on your exam, just say you did fine. Don't say anything that'll make people feel uncomfortable." I kept my head down, staring at the text message on my phone that no one in this room cared about. [Emma Martin, you have passed the final selection for the Green Ear Project.] It turned out that in their eyes, the bright future I fought tooth and nail for didn't even compare to Makayla's nursing program. Since my name wasn't on their invitation, I guessed they didn't belong in my future. Chapter 1 Makayla Martin isn’t actually my sister. She’s my cousin, taken in by my parents after her mother passed away. The year she first arrived, she was skinny as a twig, standing shyly at the doorway, whispering, "You're my sister now, Emma." My mom burst into tears on the spot and gave her my room, the one I had just finished decorating with glowing star stickers. "Makayla lost her mom, while you have everything. Just let her have it," Mom told me. I was only eight years old back then, holding a brand-new desk lamp Grandma had just given me. I had only used that lamp for two nights before Mom moved it straight into Makayla’s room. "Makayla is afraid of the dark," Mom reasoned. "Besides, you get good grades. You can study anywhere." From that day on, giving in became second nature to me in this house. I had to give her my new clothes. I had to give her the single strawberry on top of the birthday cake. Even the cash and gift cards from our relatives had to be saved for Makayla first. When teachers praised my top marks, Mom told me not to bring it up at home so Makayla wouldn't feel bad. Yet, I clearly had nothing of my own. My honor roll certificates were shoved deep under the drawers, while a crooked drawing of a rabbit Makayla made was framed and hung right in the living room. When my stomach ached, I was called dramatic. However, if Makayla so much as cleared her throat, the whole family would drive her to the hospital in the middle of the night. Three days after the college acceptances came out, my parents rented the biggest banquet hall in town to throw Makayla a college acceptance party. The hotel manager handed over the sample invitation card. The gold foil lettering was gorgeous. [Congratulations to Makayla Martin on her acceptance!] The manager asked, "Don't you have two kids who are going to college? Should we put both names on the invitation?" "Just write Makayla's." Mom didn't even hesitate. Her voice was overflowing with pride. "Makayla has had it tough since she was little. She worked so hard to get into nursing school, so this party is entirely for her." Dad was also busy picking the seat right in the middle of the head table for Makayla. "That way, guests will see her as soon as they walk in. It'll let everyone know our family hasn't mistreated her." Makayla lowered her head and whispered, "Mom, maybe we should add Emma's name too? She did way better than me." She always did this, pretending to stand up for me just to play the victim. In the end, everyone would think she was an angel, and if I didn't appreciate it, I was just being petty. Sure enough, Mom squeezed her hand sympathetically. "You're just too sensible! It's not like her good grades are anything new. Why does she always have to upstage you?" My brother, Jason Martin, gave me an indifferent look as well. "Emma, it wasn't easy for Makayla to get in. Can't you just let her have this moment?" I bowed my head and let out a faint laugh. So in this family, even having my name printed was considered a competition. Suddenly, my phone vibrated. [Emma Martin, congratulations. You have passed the final selection for the Green Ear Project at the Daruna Desert Germplasm Bank. Please confirm your acceptance within forty-eight hours, or your spot will be forfeited.] My fingertips froze, and I instantly locked the screen. Nobody noticed. They were still animatedly discussing Makayla’s dress, her acceptance speech, and how guests would praise her good manners. Nobody asked what score I got, and nobody asked where I wanted to go. I reached out and signed my name on the hotel confirmation slip. Not to act as a hostess for anyone else, but to confirm for myself that this time, I wouldn't give in ever again. Chapter 2 On the way home, Mom took Makayla straight to the mall. She picked out a soft pastel pink dress for Makayla, complete with a pearl hair clip and cute leather shoes. The sales associate gushed about how Makayla looked like a sweet young nurse, and Mom couldn't stop smiling. When it came to me, she grabbed a plain black shirt off the clearance rack. "Wear this to the party. Standing by the door in this will make you look mature and grounded. Just don't steal Makayla's spotlight." I looked at the shirt with its slightly crooked collar, and memories of my eighth-grade school recital came flooding back. The teacher had originally picked me as the lead dancer, but Mom gave the new dress to Makayla instead, saying it was her first time on stage and she couldn't look underdressed. So I stood in the back row wearing my faded school uniform while Makayla held a bouquet of flowers and cried, showered with praise for being so brave. Meanwhile, Jason bought a brand-new phone and handed it straight to Makayla. "For college. It'll look better when you post on social media." I reflexively glanced down at my phone with its shattered screen. Seeing my look, Makayla immediately offered me her old phone. "Emma, why don't you take mine?" Jason instantly frowned. "Makayla, you spoil her way too much. Emma gets good grades. She'll be drowning in scholarships later, so why are you worrying about her?" He always had a full set of double standards. Giving things to Makayla was because she had a tragic life and deserved to be compensated. Withholding things from me was because my grades were good, so I was expected to shoulder everything myself. When we got back home, Makayla took a photo of the invitation and posted it on social media: [It feels so good to be genuinely loved by family.] Relatives flooded the comments almost instantly. [Makayla is so blessed.] [The Martins finally have a sensible girl.] Looking at that word, "finally," a sharp ache pierced my chest. At dinner, the table was packed with dishes Makayla liked. Honey-glazed baked salmon, sweet candied yams, creamy potato soup, and even the roasted vegetables were drizzled with extra maple syrup. I took a bite, but the overwhelming sweetness turned my stomach. "Mom, could we have some spicy buffalo wings?" Mom’s face darkened immediately. "Makayla’s stomach is sensitive today, and you just have to eat spicy food? Emma, can you really not stand seeing her happy?" Makayla cut in hastily. "Mom, if Emma wants it, please make it for her. I'll be fine, really." Hearing that only made Mom's heart ache more for her. "Just look at Makayla, then look at you." I lowered my eyes, remembering how Grandma would always whip up some spicy jalapeño salsa for me. “Emma isn't a picky eater,” Grandma used to say. “It’s just that no one in your house remembers what she actually likes.” I didn't get it back then. But now I did. Dad knocked his knuckles against the table. "Emma, don't go too far away for college. Your mom's health isn't great, and Makayla is naturally timid. Someone needs to be around to look after the family." I looked up. "What if I want to go out of state?" The living room fell dead silent for a moment. Mom scoffed, her brow furrowing. "Why go out of state? It’s not like our state lacks universities. With your grades, just pick any local one. You can land a stable job here later. What matters most for a girl is stability." Jason piped up next. "If you go ‌far away, what happens if Makayla gets bullied at school?" Makayla bit her lip softly. "If Emma really wants to go, it's fine. I can take care of myself." Her words sounded so understanding, yet her eyes welled up with tears. Mom immediately glared at me. "Your sister thinks about you at every turn, but look at you. Only thinking about flying away on your own." I didn't say another word. What they didn't know was that I wasn't just thinking about leaving. I had already applied. I had completed the initial application, review rounds, and interviews for the Green Ear Project by working in secret during late-night study sessions and lunch breaks. My homeroom teacher, Ms. Nancy, mailed my recommendation letters, and the confirmation links were sent exclusively to my personal phone and email. I had kept it hidden meticulously well. After all, I knew all too well that the moment they found out, I could never leave. Back in my cramped converted pantry, I locked the door and clicked open the link. [Do you confirm your participation in the Green Ear Project at the Daruna Desert Germplasm Bank?] I stared at that sentence for a long time before hitting confirm. [Confirmation successful. Your acceptance letter will be sent to your email address within 24 hours.] I deleted the text message, encrypted my email app, and shoved the phone back under my pillow. Out in the living room, Mom was happily helping Makayla try on her new dress. Their bright laughter echoed through the apartment. For the very first time, I realized that going far away wasn't an escape. It was the only place I could truly breathe. Chapter 3 The day before the banquet, Mom sent me to the hotel to review the event schedule. "Check everything—the menu, table numbers, and guest list. Don't mess anything up tomorrow, and whatever you do, don't let anyone ask about your grades." I asked, "Why can't they ask?" Mom snapped impatiently, "Do you seriously have to make Makayla uncomfortable? Don't be so selfish." When the hotel manager handed me the itinerary, he casually asked, "Ms. Martin, should we arrange a toast or congratulations segment for you tomorrow as well?" Before I could even reply, Mom cut in. "She doesn't need one," she said completely naturally. "She has a quiet personality and hates being on stage. Tomorrow is primarily Makayla's event." I looked down at the paper. Every single item had Makayla’s name on it. None of them had mine. After wrapping up at the hotel, I took a detour to the transit station and bought a ticket for the earliest morning bus heading to Corholt. The project liaison for the Green Ear Project would be waiting for me there to take the group shuttle directly to Daruna. I hid the ticket screenshot in an encrypted photo album and deleted the purchase confirmation text. With that taken care of, I went to the bank to withdraw the money Grandma had left me. The teller checked her screen, then looked up at me. "Most of the funds in this account were transferred out a few days ago. There's only a hundred and three dollars left." I thought I had misheard until the account statement was printed out. Two thousand dollars to the Grand Plaza Hotel, over a thousand at the mall, and several thousand more listed as a deposit for catering and drinks. I stood in the bank lobby, my ears ringing. That was the money Grandma had given me on her deathbed. She had pressed the bank card into my hand and said, "Emma, if you ever want to go somewhere far away, use this to buy your ticket. Don't be stingy on yourself." I had never brought myself to spend a single cent of it. It turned out they had already spent it for me. When I got back home, Makayla was twirling in front of the mirror in her pastel pink dress. Mom was standing beside her, adjusting her belt with a look of pure joy. I walked over and thrust the bank statement toward Mom. "Did you transfer my money out?" The smile on Mom's face froze before twisting into a frown. "Isn't this banquet for the whole family? Your money was just sitting there doing nothing anyway. What's wrong with using it to cover expenses?" "That was the money Grandma left me for college!" "Your grandmother was my mother, too!" Mom snapped. "Whether her money goes to you or the family, what's the difference? Besides, you have great grades, and you'll get tons of scholarships. Makayla isn't like you." Dad's face darkened as well. "Tomorrow is Makayla's college acceptance party. Do you really have to pick a fight today?" Jason added coldly, "I'll pay you back later. Throwing a tantrum right now will only make Makayla feel insecure." Makayla's eyes welled up with tears. "Emma, I'm so sorry. I really didn't know. How about we just cancel the party, okay?" Though she claimed she didn't want the party, her hands gripped the hem of her dress tightly, as if terrified I would actually make her take it off. I looked at her and asked, "If it were your money taken today, would you still be saying we shouldn't host it?" Makayla froze, completely speechless for a long moment. Mom immediately shielded her behind her back. "Why are you taking your anger out on Makayla? I'm the one who took the money. She didn't know anything about it!" I stared at Makayla’s bowed head and suddenly understood. It wasn't that she didn't know. She just had the luxury of pretending not to know. That evening, Dad slammed a university brochure list right in front of me on the table. "Once the banquet is over, you're applying to the state university's agriculture department. It's close to home. After you graduate, you can take a stable government job. Don't waste your time thinking about those out-of-state schools." They still didn't know I had already confirmed my spot in the Green Ear Project, nor did they know that my official acceptance letter was already sitting in my inbox. They also didn't know that tomorrow, before dawn even broke, I would be gone. Seeing me remain silent, Mom assumed I had backed down. "Emma, Makayla only gets a moment like this in her life. Just let her have this, and the whole family will appreciate your sacrifice." I slowly folded the recommendation sheet in half. "Got it." Everyone let out a massive sigh of relief. However, what they didn't know was that when I said I had got it, it wasn't a promise to stay. It was me finally realizing this family wasn't worth staying for. Chapter 4 That night, no one in the house paid any attention to me anymore. Yet, the living room remained lively and buzzing with excitement. Mom helped Makayla practice her speech, while Dad confirmed seats with the guests. Jason dropped reminders in the family group chat telling everyone not to ask about my scores, and Makayla spent hours picking out photos to post on social media the next day. Meanwhile, I sat in my converted room, packing my bags. I only had a few faded clothes, my identity documents, an old photograph of Grandma, and a printed copy of my Green Ear Project confirmation letter. The paper was thin, but holding it in my hands felt like holding an open road. I sold the rest of my textbooks to a reseller for fifty-six dollars. My competition medals were packed up and mailed to Ms. Nancy. Finally, I pulled a dusty elementary school family portrait from the back of my drawer. In the picture, Makayla stood right between Mom and Dad, while Jason leaned over to straighten her hair. I was stuck on the far edge, holding up an honor student certificate, with half my shoulder literally cropped out of the frame. Before the photo was taken that year, my teacher mentioned that I had placed first in the grade and told me to hold up my award. Mom had whispered, "Don't hold it so high. You'll make Makayla uncomfortable." So when the photo was developed, everyone saw Makayla smiling sweetly. Nobody saw my certificate. I tore the photo into pieces and tossed them into the trash bag. By 1 a.m., the living room was finally quiet. I went to the kitchen to grab a glass of water when I overheard my parents speaking in hushed tones from the master bedroom. "Do you think Emma was acting a bit off today?" Mom murmured. "She wouldn't actually try to apply out-of-state, right?" Dad snorted softly. "She wouldn't dare. Her identity documents are all kept locked in the house, and she has no money left. Where could she possibly run? Tomorrow all our guests will be here, and she still needs to greet them for Makayla at the entrance." Mom let out a sigh. "That girl is just so heartless. Makayla has had it so rough. Why can't she just give in?" "Once the party is over, I'll make sure she fills out her college applications," Dad said firmly. "The state university's agriculture department is great. It's close to home, and she can help take care of you and Makayla in the future." I stood outside the door, holding my water glass, feeling an icy chill run through me. What they didn't know was that my identity documents were already in my hand. And as for money, after learning about my situation, the Green Ear Project office had approved a temporary travel stipend for me. My bus ticket had been purchased, and the liaison coordinator had already checked in. Back in my cubicle, I muted my phone and double-checked my documents one last time. A brand-new email was waiting in my inbox. [Emma Martin: Please arrive at the Corholt meeting point before 2 p.m. tomorrow. The Daruna shuttle will depart promptly.] I stared at those words, my eyes burning slightly. It wasn't out of sadness, but because for the first time in years, someone was actually waiting for me to arrive. At 4.30 a.m., I rolled my suitcase out of the room. The living room was stacked high with party favors and invitation cards, every single one bearing Makayla's name. Gift boxes covered the shoe rack, leaving no space for anything of mine. Sitting on the very top shelf of the shoe rack was that plain black shirt. Mom wanted me to wear it to the party and stand by the entrance to welcome guests with a smile, warning me not to steal Makayla's spotlight or embarrass the Martins. I didn't pick it up. Instead, I put on my washed-out school jacket and gently shut the front door behind me. The sky was still dark when my taxi pulled out of the neighborhood. My phone vibrated with a message from Ms. Nancy. [Safe travels. Text me as soon as you arrive.] Immediately after, a notification from the Green Ear Project office popped up. [Please keep your personal documents safe and do not hand them to family. Your enrollment spot is officially locked.] Looking at the words "enrollment spot is officially locked", a real smile finally broke across my face. From now on, it didn't matter if my name wasn't printed on their invitations. My name was going to be written in the wind, somewhere far, far away.