Done Waiting to Be Seen

The day I got my acceptance letter from Aldercrest University, I saw myself seven days into the future. "After Mom and Dad saw that Aldercrest took me, were they proud of me? "Did Cameron and Evan finally stop saying I couldn't measure up to Tessa in any way?" I couldn't keep the hope out of my voice. What answered me was a bitter laugh. "No. "When they found out Aldercrest accepted me, Tessa couldn't handle it and ran away from home. "She was gone all night, and the family spent that whole night blaming me. For showing off. For not applying to the same school as her. "After they found her, Mom and Dad took us on a trip to cheer her up, and we ran into a mudslide. "Every one of them abandoned me to protect Tessa, right when I was about to be rescued." Her voice faltered, and grief came over her face. "They rushed a frightened Tessa to the hospital, never knowing I'd already been dead for twenty-four hours. "You've seen how I end up. Whether you tell them is up to you." Chapter 1 Willa's POV The girl in front of me vanished. I gripped the acceptance letter until my knuckles ached, and pain twisted through my chest. Working myself to the bone to prove I was worth something was never going to earn their love, so I was done wanting anything from them. ... When I got home, Mom was in the living room packing Tessa's suitcase. She tucked a carefully organized bag of medication inside, murmuring as she went. "Your stomach's delicate. Don't leave the backup meds behind." Tessa hung off Mom's arm. "Mom, my acceptance letter hasn't even come yet. Isn't it way too early to pack?" Mom smoothed her hair, doting. "Too early? If we wait until move-in week, we'll forget half of it." Dad couldn't help with the packing, so he pulled out his phone and sent money instead. "Buy whatever you want. Don't go without anything." Tessa opened the notification, saw the number, and nearly came out of her chair. "Five thousand? Dad, you're the best." Then something occurred to her, and she asked him with a conspiratorial look, "Dad, how much did you send Willa?" She asked that every single time our parents transferred money. With me standing right there, they always said the amounts were the same. They hadn't noticed me yet. So I wanted to know too. How much did Dad give me when I wasn't in the room? Dad laughed, a little helpless. "Same as always. This one's just for you. I'm not sending her anything." My toe slammed into the threshold. The dull thud turned every head in the living room toward me. Their smiles were still there, frozen and unnatural. I couldn't help mocking myself. I'd always known they favored Tessa, so why did it still hurt? Cameron's brows drew together, and he did what he always did and broke the awkwardness by blaming me. "Gone all morning, and you finally turn up right at mealtime. "You were slacking off. You just didn't want to help Tessa pack. "I'll give you a chance to make up for it. Memorize this." He walked over and pushed a list into my hand. [Tessa's skin breaks out easily. Air her bedding out once a week.] [Tessa sleeps in. Have her breakfast bought and ready every morning.] ... I stopped reading. The rest was more of the same, all of it about how to take care of Tessa. I pushed the list back at him. "I'm not memorizing it." I said it quietly, but the room went cold. Maybe they were just too used to me being agreeable. It took a long moment before Evan finally looked at me, unhappy. "Do you have any idea how long that list took me? "Tessa has asthma. The three of us are going to the same school. Looking out for each other is the least we can do." He said it with such conviction that I laughed. "Every line on there is me taking care of Tessa. You call that looking out for each other?" Before he could answer, Mom weighed in with the patient, reasonable tone she saved for correcting me. "Willa, Evan's not wrong. You're mature, you're independent, you can handle hardship, and you're the older sister. You should be looking after her." My nails dug into my palms. Ever since they tracked me down and brought me home at fifteen, the line I heard most was that the older sister ought to give a little more to Tessa. I'd grown up on a farm, so they simply assumed I was tough and could take it. Even though I was the Carvers' biological daughter, the girl they'd raised themselves always came first. It wasn't as though I'd never cried about it. "Tessa and I are the same age. Why do I always have to give in?" They told me that once Tessa got into college, they'd make it up to me. I believed them. I wanted their approval too badly. For three years I never competed with Tessa for anything. The one selfish thing I let myself do came when applications were due. Without telling a soul, I sent mine to Aldercrest. I'd been saving it to surprise them today. If I hadn't met the version of myself from seven days out, I'd still be sitting here hoping like an idiot. The ache in my chest sharpened. I looked at Mom and answered her seriously. "If Evan cares that much about Tessa, let him take care of her." After all, the two of them were the ones going to Maplehurst State. I was going to Aldercrest. Chapter 2 Mom's face darkened. Before she could get a word out, Tessa caught her arm. "Mom, it really isn't fair to make Willa look after me. I'll do my best to manage on my own. "I won't make any of you worry." Mom cupped her cheek, aching with tenderness. "That's my Tessa. Always knows how to make me feel better." Then she cut a glance at me, her voice thinning with irritation. "You're the only one. Your grades are worse than hers, and all you do is upset me." My eyes stung, hot and wet. It was true that on our regular exams I usually finished one rank below Tessa. But I'd fought to close that gap in the final stretch. Looking at Mom's angry face, something bitter churned in me. I really did want to know what would happen if I told her Aldercrest had taken me. Would she still tear into me for Tessa's sake, drag me on that trip, and then stand by while I died? I opened my mouth, but Tessa cut in before I got a sound out. "Mom, Dad, I'm starving. Can we eat first?" Smiling, she took both their hands and steered them to the dining table. For once, Cameron lifted the backpack off my shoulders and hung it by the door. He still couldn't resist a comment. "Food's been ready forever. If we weren't waiting on you, we'd have finished already." Right. When something kept me out past mealtime, all that was left for me were leftovers. They'd never let Tessa go hungry. I glanced at the two suitcases already packed in the living room. I didn't bother pointing out that the meal was late because they'd all been busy packing Tessa's things. The table was covered in Tessa's favorites, the way it always was. Halfway through, Tessa stood and raised her juice. Under our parents' puzzled looks, her eyes went red. "Mom, Dad, thank you for raising me and giving me everything. "I'll never forget that the people who gave birth to me didn't want me because I was sickly, and you two took me anyway. "I'll never forget the night my fever hit a hundred and one and you drove me to the hospital and sat with me until morning. "I want to be your daughter for the rest of my life." My parents cried. My chest just felt tight. When Tessa had the flu that year, I caught it too. My fever climbed to a hundred and four, worse than hers ever got. But they were in such a rush to get her to the hospital that nobody noticed anything wrong with me. They came home to find me unconscious and only then remembered to take me in. By the time I was out of danger and woke up, there was no one beside me. I found out later they'd gone home to look after Tessa. Tessa turned to Cameron and Evan next. "Thank you, Cameron, for treating me like a little princess and saving the best of everything for me. "Thank you, Evan, for being my handsome bodyguard so nobody ever dared pick on me." Tessa had the whole table sentimental and heavy. Then Evan kicked me under it. That was when I registered that Mom, Dad, and Cameron were all looking at me expectantly. "Willa, everyone's happy today. Say a few words." Tessa's expression was perfectly natural. Her voice was soft, but it went in like a nail. That was her gift. On the surface she never looked like a threat to anyone, and then she'd put me on the spot the moment my guard was down. I looked back at her, out of patience. "What exactly do you want me to say?" Should I mention that when Tessa got stressed before finals, our parents hired her an expensive private therapist? What I got was one sentence. "If you're nervous, take a deep breath. We know you'll do fine." The first time we met, she called me a hick under her breath. Then she went crying to Cameron, and he warned me, "Don't show up here and start setting Tessa off." Their patience was running out. I finally started to speak. Chapter 3 "Thank you, Mom and Dad, for bringing me home and paying for my education. "Thank you, Cameron and Evan, for helping me with my schoolwork." When I stopped there, everyone froze. Next to Tessa's speech, mine was so thin it sounded like a brush-off. But I'd dug through my memory for a long time, and those were the only gracious things I could honestly come up with. Even the tutoring only happened because Cameron and Evan were already bringing Tessa's grades up and let me sit in. The room went cold again. Mom wouldn't look at me. Cameron and Evan wore complicated expressions. Tessa sat quietly with a faint smile on her lips. Only Dad cleared his throat and lifted his head to look at me. "Willa, are you blaming your mother and me for overlooking you? "We're both so busy with work. You've got a right to be upset. "I'll send you three hundred dollars. Buy whatever you like." That was how he did it. The moment it finally registered that he'd hurt me, he'd play the good father for a few minutes and wire me money. But it never came close to what Tessa got. He pulled out his phone. He was entering his passcode when Tessa cried out and dropped to the floor. Her juice glass shattered beside her. Everyone panicked. Evan got to her first and gathered her up. "Get her inhaler. She's having an attack." The dining room dissolved into chaos, everyone crowding around her. When her face went red, Evan carried her toward the door. "This is bad. She needs the ER." He was frantic, and he slammed into me as he passed. I wasn't braced for it. My slipper slid off, and my bare foot came down on the broken glass. I cried out. Every mind in that room was on Tessa. Not one person looked at me. I watched them disappear through the doorway. And I finally understood the version of myself from seven days out. Abandoned with rescue that close, watching everyone run off to save Tessa. I understood exactly how hopeless that must have felt. I forced down the grief rising in my chest. I limped to my room, picked the glass out of my foot, and bandaged it myself. I didn't go to the hospital. Nobody came home all night, and I didn't call. The next morning at breakfast, Evan came to find me. He looked wrecked. He didn't seem to have slept at all, and his voice was hoarse. "Tessa ate peanut butter by accident. That's what set it off. "Willa, she's fragile and she's careless. The two of you are going to be roommates, so you have to watch her closely." He hadn't noticed the bandage on my foot. Every thought in his head belonged to Tessa. I looked at him and answered evenly. "I can't room with her, and I'm not going to be responsible for her." The air went dead. Two seconds later, he sat up straight and stared at me, accusing. "You won't even room with her, just so you don't have to take care of her? "You know how bad her attacks get. How can you be that cold?" When the Carvers first brought me home, Cameron said growing up on a farm had made me mature for my age. He told me to watch Tessa and keep her away from anything she might react to. Evan walked in on the tail end of that and took my side immediately. "Cameron, your own sister is skin and bones. She's obviously undernourished. Shouldn't somebody be taking care of her?" No one had ever stood up for me before, and that one sentence was all it took. At my first birthday in the Carver house, my family gave Tessa expensive, beautifully chosen gifts. Mine was clearly grabbed off a shelf. Evan was the only one who gave me exactly what he gave Tessa. I thought he was different. Later I found out he was the same as the rest of them. Tessa came first. Just like now. He never asked me why I couldn't room with her. He just called me heartless. His impatience got under my skin. "Fine. I'm heartless. "If you're so worried about Tessa, why don't you rent a place off campus with her?" Chapter 4 "What did you just say?" Evan stared at me, stunned. I had no interest in arguing anymore, so I got up and went to my room. I started packing, and I'd just gotten my suitcase closed when Cameron walked in without knocking. "Evan says the two of you got into it over Tessa." "We did." I looked up at him. He scoffed. "You applied to the same school as Tessa because you wanted to stick to them. "And now you're saying all this just to make her feel awful." I stared at him, not following. Then he said, "Tessa heard about your fight. She's been crying at the hospital. "To smooth things over, Mom and Dad decided the whole family's taking a trip to the Pineglass Highlands as soon as she's discharged." My mind went blank. The Pineglass Highlands. Wasn't that where I was supposed to die? I'd already dropped the whole thing about my acceptance letter. Why were they still dragging me on this trip? My hands started shaking, and my voice came out unsteady. "I'm not going. "That area gets a lot of rain. There'll be mudslides." My parents walked in just in time to hear it. Mom glared at me. "Willa, what on earth is wrong with you? "You've been off since yesterday, and now you're talking nonsense. Are you trying to pick a fight with us?" "It isn't nonsense." I looked at her and finally asked the question I'd been holding in. "If there really were a mudslide, and Tessa and I were both in danger, which one of us would you save first?" Mom answered without thinking. "Tessa, obviously." The second it was out, she froze. Guilt flickered in her eyes, and then she doubled down. "Tessa's health is poor. What's wrong with saving her first? "And the weather's fine. What's the point of inventing questions like that except to start something?" By the end she had a hand pressed to her chest, furious. Cameron stepped in to steady her and jabbed a finger at me. "Willa, you get into college and suddenly you're too big to listen to anybody? "You're inventing excuses because you want to make life difficult for us. "Let me be clear. Tessa wants this trip to patch things up with you, so you're going whether you like it or not." Dad sighed too. "Willa, why are you being so difficult lately? "You and Tessa are going to be living together for the next four years. Do you really want it to be like this?" I stood there and felt myself go cold all the way through. Even in a hypothetical, they picked Tessa outright. They wouldn't even bother lying to spare me. The tears came and wouldn't stop. Cameron looked disgusted. "You're the one who caused this. Don't try to cry your way out of it." Then he walked Mom out. Dad glanced at me once and followed. From the living room I heard Cameron griping. "There's something wrong with her head. If we were actually in danger, does she think we'd just leave her?" But the truth was that the second Tessa was involved, they'd leave me behind without a second thought. And why should I hand over my life just to keep Tessa in a good mood? For the next several days I mostly stayed in my room. They were all at the hospital with her and couldn't be bothered with me. I cleared out everything in that house that was mine. The night Tessa was discharged, Evan stopped by long enough to say one thing. "Pack your stuff. We leave for the Pineglass Highlands tomorrow morning." Then he was gone. He never saw the ticket on my phone, the first train to Northgate the next morning. Before sunrise, I left the promissory note and the no-contact declaration under the lamp on my desk. Fifteen thousand dollars. Everything they'd spent on me in three years, allowance included. I took my suitcase, called a car to the station, scanned my ticket, and got on the train. The moment it started moving, the weight I'd been carrying finally set down. No trip to cheer Tessa up. No dying out there. Right then, a message came in from Cameron. [Where are you? Mom and Dad are waiting.] [Use this trip to make up with Tessa. Then you'll have someone looking out for you in the dorm.] I typed back: [Not going. I'm going to Aldercrest.]