I Paid for Mom's Mistake

There's a special rule in my family. No matter what I do, I have to get permission from my younger sister, Bernette Emerson, first. However, Bernette dies the year I turn five. So, every time I ask Mom for something, she lights a candle and tells me, "If the candle goes out within one minute, that means Bernette has agreed to it." But the candle never goes out on its own. So, over the years, I've never worn pretty dresses or gone to amusement parks. I have no idea what cake tastes like, either. Sometimes, when I get sick, I can't even go to the hospital because Bernette hasn't given me permission. Now that I'm older, my vision is impaired, and I have a severe gastric problem. Every time I show even a hint of dissatisfaction, Mom will scream at me. "If it weren't for you, Bernette wouldn't have died back then! You owe her this much, so you have no right to complain. At least you're still getting fed, aren't you? But what about her? She's already buried six feet under!" Eventually, I believe I'm the reason Bernette died, and that thought has haunted me for most of my life. Later on, I make a deal with Death, trading my life for hers. I will return to the past and die in Bernette's place. After death, my soul drifts back home. I see Mom hugging Bernette with joyful tears rolling down her cheeks. "It's all my fault for putting disinfectant in a juice bottle. Still, it's a good thing Dahlia got to it first. If you'd been the one who drank it instead, I wouldn't know how to live with that!" Chapter 1 My birthday wish when I turned 18 was to adopt Pepper, a stray cat in our neighborhood. After all, the ten minutes I spent playing with Pepper on my way home from school every day were the only time I felt alive. I knew Mom wouldn't agree to it, but I still mustered my courage and made the suggestion. As expected, Mom flew into a rage. "Your sister died and was robbed of everything she could've had, but you want to use my hard-earned money to feed a worthless stray? How on earth did I end up with such a wretched daughter like you?" Lowering my head, I insisted, "Pepper is a good cat. He can catch mice, and he doesn't eat a lot. It won't cost much to feed him. I… I can save up some pocket money to buy food for him." Mom was so mad that she started pacing around in circles with her hands on her hips. "If you can be so nice to a mere animal, why were you so cruel to your sister back then? Remember, you're the one who killed your sister, so you deserve to spend the rest of your life drowning in guilt! You have no right to be happy!" She jabbed a finger at my forehead. "Why couldn't it have been you who died back then?" Mom said I was being naughty back then. I had filled a juice bottle with disinfectant and told my sister, Bernette Emerson, to drink it. Bernette was rushed to the hospital to have her stomach pumped, but she still didn't survive. That was how we lost her. I was too young back then, so I actually didn't remember much of it. But since everyone told me that was what happened, I believed them. The crushing guilt weighing on my heart was suffocating. So, no matter what Mom said, I would choose to silently bear it. But this time, I wanted to stand my ground. "The security guard said he'll be taking the stray cats to an animal shelter soon. If I don't bring Pepper home before then, I won't get to see him ever again. Also, it's my 18th birthday. Mom, can't you grant this one wish of mine?" All my classmates said turning 18 was an important event. On their 18th birthday, no matter what they asked for, their parents would give it to them. So now, why was Mom so mad that even her eyes had turned red? As always, Mom lit a candle in a corner of the room. "Fine, I know you're not going to listen anyway. Go ask your sister, then!" My gaze darkened. For as long as I could remember, the candle had never once gone out. I stared at the burning candle, silently counting in my mind, "One, two, three…" As soon as I counted to 60, Mom put the candle away. "Alright, that's a full minute. Your sister doesn't agree. This conversation is over. If I see even a single cat hair in this house, you know what's coming!" That night, I had a fitful sleep. Even when I did fall asleep, I kept having nightmares. In my dreams, after Pepper was taken to the animal shelter, the bigger cats ganged up on him, and he cried so much that it broke my heart. In another scene, Pepper didn't go to the animal shelter. Instead, he was sent to the slaughterhouse. His fate there was too horrifying to describe. I even dreamed about bringing Pepper home. But then, Bernette stood next to me, asking me as blood gushed from her eyes, "Dahlia, how can you be so kind to a cat, but so heartless that you'd want me dead?" The next day, I spent all my pocket money on Pepper's favorite cat treat. But when I got back to the neighborhood, I couldn't find him anywhere. Mom suddenly appeared behind me. "Stop calling for that cat. I just told the property management that the cat is hurting the residents. I stood right there and watched them kill him and toss him in the bin." Pulling out her phone, Mom took a step in my direction. "I even took a video of it. Do you want to see?" I covered my ears and let out a scream. "No! No!" Fearing that I might see Pepper's mangled body, I turned around and ran upstairs. Before I realized it, I had run all the way up to the roof, and I found myself standing on the very edge of the building. At that moment, I suddenly couldn't find any reason to keep living anymore. Chapter 2 I was suddenly in free fall, and the wind whipped past my ears. I met Death himself. Death said he was just passing by, and he could make a deal with me. "According to your original fate, some branches will break your fall, and the bones in your right leg will shatter. You'll survive. "But that's too boring, so why don't you make a deal with me? I'll move those annoying branches away so you'll be smashed into pieces. Then, you'll trade your life to bring your sister back." I nodded almost immediately. "I'll do it." If Bernette were still alive, Mom wouldn't have a reason to hate me anymore. So, even if I died, I would be happy as long as Mom loved me. My lips curved into a faint smile. Suddenly, a white light flashed before my eyes. I was sent back in time to when I was five years old. This time, I was the one lying on the hospital bed, getting my stomach pumped instead. Meanwhile, Bernette was running and jumping around in the hospital corridor outside. I still remembered that when the doctor pronounced Bernette dead, Mom had broken down in tears outside the ward. She crouched down until she was at eye level with me, then screamed hysterically, "Why would you put disinfectant in a juice bottle?" I was shocked out of my wits, and even though it happened just moments ago, I couldn't remember the exact details of the incident. I only remembered Bernette suddenly foaming at the mouth right in front of me, her face pale. I didn't say anything. Then, Mom began pulling at her own hair. "Why did I even bother going out? Why didn't I stay home to keep an eye on the kids?" Dad tried to comfort her, but she immediately snapped at him, "You were driving too slow! If you had gone faster, our daughter wouldn't have died!" Later on, Mom would even divorce Dad for that very reason. The light above the operating room went out. The doctor came out and took off his mask. "I'm sorry for your loss. We did everything we could." I turned around a little nervously, looking at Mom with a hint of expectation. But Mom seemed extremely calm, and she just let out a faint sigh. "Thank you for your hard work, doctor." I was still holding out hope. I remembered my teacher saying that when some people experienced extreme sorrow, sometimes, they wouldn't be able to cry. Instead, they would stay unusually calm. However, Mom turned to look at Dad. "Say, why would Dahlia drink that out of the blue? What a glutton! Bernette is just a year younger than Dahlia, but she's so much better behaved. "Well, at least Dahlia didn't make it. If she got into the ICU, she'd be dragging us all down with her. I heard that even a day in the ICU costs a fortune. We just saved up some cash to get Bernette a piano, so we can't have that money spent on Dahlia instead." Dad patted Mom on the shoulder. He didn't agree or go along with it. He simply said, "Come on, let's make preparations for the funeral." For a long time, I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Pain tore through me as I thought, "This can't be happening. It shouldn't play out like this! Mom should've been in utter agony! Wait, is this because I was the one who died instead of Bernette?" I suddenly realized a truth I didn't want to admit. Mom only cared about Bernette. Suddenly, Bernette came pattering over. She wrapped her arms around Mom's leg and looked up at her. "Mom, what's Dahlia doing in there? Why isn't she coming out? I'm hungry!" Mom bent over and picked Bernette up. Her annoyance from just now had disappeared, and she said in an extremely gentle tone, "What would you like to eat, Bernette? Let's have that for dinner, alright?" She was heading outside with Bernette in her arms when she suddenly turned around and glanced at the operating room. She looked like she had suddenly remembered something. She said, "Well, I guess I'm partly to blame for this. I filled a juice bottle with disinfectant, but I forgot to warn the kids about it. I'm so glad Bernette wasn't the one who drank it. If not, I would've never forgiven myself." Chapter 3 I floated in the air as I watched my family walk away. I thought, "So I didn't even cause Bernette's death? Mom was the culprit all along, and she blamed it all on me just to make herself feel better?" The one thing I was incredibly reluctant to admit was that Mom never loved me at all. Returning to my senses, I drifted outside. I happened to hear Dad comforting Mom. "This isn't your fault. If Dahlia weren't such a glutton, this wouldn't have happened." Dad didn't care about me, either. He seemed rational and calm as he began writing my obituary and making the funeral arrangements. Meanwhile, Bernette was singing cheerfully in Mom's arms. After I died, the household became more peaceful than ever. At my funeral, whenever someone asked about how I died, Mom kept telling them I was being too greedy and mistook disinfectant for a drink. Aunt Greta discreetly pulled Mom aside. "You're the one who put the disinfectant in the wrong bottle, so how could you blame her for not knowing better? The child's already dead, so we should honor her. She can't even rest in peace if you keep saying that!" Mom didn't seem too bothered by it. "She's already dead, so why does it matter if she's at peace or not? Do you seriously want me to tell everyone that it was my fault?" I smiled bitterly. After Bernette died, Mom constantly thought about her and all the things she could've had. But now that I was the one who died, she just shrugged it off. Death suddenly showed up. He asked me, "Do you regret it?" I shook my head. "There was no point in dragging out a life filled with nothing but pain. I'm just glad that I could trade my life for Bernette's, so she can keep living a happy and innocent life." Bernette suddenly asked Mom, "What's Dahlia doing? Why won't she get up and play with me?" Mom thought about it for a moment. Then, she asked earnestly, "Bernette, you may not get to see Dahlia ever again. Do you feel sad about it?" Bernette carefully thought about what Mom meant. Soon, she clapped her hands and said joyfully, "Yay! I don't have to share my toys ever again! I can have the room all to myself!" My heart sank. No one in my family cared about me at all. Death seemed more upset about it than I was. "Let's make another deal. I'll talk to your mom in a dream. If she shows even a hint of guilt toward you, I can restore everything to the way it was before you jumped off the building. Child, would you like to make that wager with me?" I nodded. After thinking for a moment, I asked, "Can we turn the bet around? If Mom doesn't feel any guilt toward me, you'll let things return to their original course." Death didn't quite understand. "It can be done, but are you sure you really want that? Honestly, I've never seen a mother this heartless. She may love your sister more, but that doesn't mean she doesn't love you at all, right?" I nodded firmly. "I've made up my mind. If Mom feels any guilt, it means she still loves me. Even if it's just a tiny bit, I won't regret what I'm doing. But if she still doesn't care about me at all, I can go on living for myself without any burdens." Death agreed. That night, Mom had a long dream. I saw her frowning deeply in her sleep. Death told me that Mom saw Bernette passing away after resuscitation efforts failed, and she also saw how I resigned myself to the cruelty I faced. Lastly, she saw me making a deal with Death without any hesitation. Death told me that even he himself was touched. "Your mom can't possibly stay indifferent after all that. You're losing the bet!" I forced a smile on my lips, but I didn't say anything. Suddenly, Mom opened her eyes. I felt a little anxious as I watched her. She quickly got out of bed. She scrambled to open the door, then ran to the room I shared with Bernette. She took a deep breath and mustered her courage before opening the door. When she saw Bernette sleeping peacefully in bed, she let out a long sigh of relief. With red-rimmed eyes, Mom pulled Bernette into her arms. "Thank goodness… At least Dahlia was decent enough to switch places with you!"