The Bitter Taste of Marriage

To support my husband Jasper Young's business, I spent four years livestreaming myself eating. I went from 100 pounds to 200 pounds because of that. Tonight, I started my live stream as usual, but a message from Jasper suddenly popped up on my phone. [End the stream now. Stop eating. Ruby feels sick just watching you eat.] The food in my mouth was suddenly tasteless, but I didn't dare stop. Instead, I shoved the food into my mouth even faster. My phone kept buzzing. His criticisms came one after another. [Kirsten, I told you to stop eating. Ruby is already suffering because of her pregnancy. Are you trying to upset her on purpose?] [You're both women. And Ruby's your best friend. How can you have no empathy for her?] [Is this because you can't have children? Are you jealous of her?] [You were the one who agreed to let Ruby have my child in the first place.] [Are you trying to go back on your word and make everyone miserable?] Tears finally fell into the bowl, and the food in my mouth tasted like dust. I had spent four years livestreaming, and ten years by his side. I gained 100 pounds, and this was what I got in the end. I couldn't keep swallowing the bitterness of this marriage anymore. Chapter 1 Tears streamed down my face, falling one by one on the plate in front of me. I stared at the string of accusing messages from my husband, Jasper Young. My chewing stopped, and I couldn't force myself to take another bite. My phone finally went quiet, and no more hurtful messages popped up. But the next second, Jasper called. My hands trembled as I answered. His voice softened on the other end. "Kirsten, I knew you'd listen. And you still care about Ruby." He continued, "Pregnancy has been hard on her. She throws up everything she eats, and she has lost so much weight these past three months. You know that. "Don't livestream for now. Let's wait until her symptoms get better, okay?" His tone was gentle, almost like he was compromising. But I felt my heart sink little by little. For the past ten years, it felt like I was always the one to give in to Jasper. To help him start his business, I gave up the medical career I loved. I turned my life upside down to make money by livestreaming myself eating. Because of those livestreams, my weight went from 100 pounds to nearly 200 pounds. I gained so much weight that it was impossible for me to get pregnant. I even accepted Jasper's decision to have my best friend, Ruby Wright, carry his baby so he could have a child. I gave in countless times, but somehow, I was always the one who was wrong. In the end, I always had to give in. A dull ache spread through my chest, and my tears kept falling. I pressed my lips together tightly, unable to say a word. Jasper's voice softened even more. "Kirsten, why are you crying? I was just a little harsh earlier. I wasn't trying to yell at you. "I only wanted you to stop streaming for a few days. Just listen to me for the sake of our child, okay?" I knew he was watching my livestream, so I nodded numbly. The comments in my livestream were still pouring in. [Come on, keep eating. Don't waste food!] [Why is the streamer crying? She's got to be pretending.] [I knew she couldn't keep eating. I can't wait for her act to be exposed!] The endless accusations and mockery overwhelmed me. I couldn't stand watching anymore, so I reached up and ended the livestream. But the call with Jasper was still connected. It sounded like he had casually put his phone down on a cabinet. His affectionate voice came through the phone. "Ruby, are you okay? I already made her stop streaming. You should feel better now." Ruby's weak, hoarse voice came through. She sounded as if she had just finished throwing up. "Jasper, I feel much better now. Thank you," she said. Through the phone, I could hear them embrace. My husband was gently comforting my best friend. I slowly clenched my fists, and a sharp pain spread from my palms to my chest. Ruby's voice was muffled. "But Jasper, is what we're doing really right? Kirsten and I grew up together. "I can't be the other woman in her marriage. I can't betray her. Being able to have your child is already enough for me." After she finished speaking, I heard her soft sobs come through the phone. I felt my chest tighten instantly. Ruby and I had grown up together. She was the one who slowly pulled me out of the darkness after I lost my parents. She told me she would always stand with me, no matter what. She gave me the courage and hope to keep living. But now, the salvation she once gave me became the very thing that hurt me the most. Jasper's voice was much gentler than before. "Ruby, don't overthink it." I could almost picture him carefully wiping away her tears and holding her tightly in his arms. The next moment, Ruby's choked voice came through the phone. "But Jasper, we were already sleeping together before you asked Kirsten if I could have your child. Isn't that still cheating? "Jasper, I really can't live with this." My mind went completely blank. So they had been together behind my back all along, and I was kept in the dark the whole time. Back when Jasper suggested that Ruby have his child, I swore she would never be the kind of person who would carry her best friend's husband's baby. When Ruby agreed, I felt even more guilty. I thought she was doing it for me. After that, I treated her even better because of that guilt. The worst part was, she was never doing this for me. She merely used helping me have a child as a cover to shamelessly take my husband from me. The last bit of warmth in my heart died out, and I felt myself sink into despair. There was a brief silence on the other end of the phone. Then I heard the sound of their intimate kisses and them moving together. I froze, realizing what they were doing. In that moment, the pain hit me like a knife to the heart, leaving me unable to catch my breath. Their actions made one thing clear. To Jasper, cheating wasn't a big deal. My pain, sacrifices, and the past ten years meant nothing to him. The sounds of their intimacy continued through the phone, and I knew where this was headed. I looked down at the food mixed with my tears on the plate, then ended the call. This marriage had become a source of nothing but suffering. If I no longer mattered to Jasper, and if my place in his heart had already been taken, then it made no difference whether I stayed or left. Chapter 2 I sat at home all night, waiting from sunset until sunrise, but Jasper never came back. My heart had completely gone cold. I printed out the divorce papers and went straight to his office. When I pushed open the office door, I saw Ruby sitting on Jasper's lap. They sat close together, looking down at the documents on the desk, completely at ease with each other. The sunlight from the window fell on them, making them look so perfect together. It was almost painful to see. My sudden arrival sent them into a panic. Ruby quickly got up from Jasper's lap and rushed over to grab my hand. "Kirsten, what brings you here?" she asked. "My stomach was bothering me, so Jasper helped rub it. Please don't misunderstand." I had caught them crossing the line like this many times before. Even when I felt uncomfortable about it, I would always smile and say it was fine. I believed they would never betray me. But after learning they really had cheated on me, the same excuses now sounded pathetic and ridiculous. I pulled my hand from Ruby, walked past her, and placed the divorce papers on Jasper's desk. When Jasper read the contents of the paper, shock spread across his face. "Kirsten, you want to divorce me?" I calmly nodded. He suddenly raised a hand and knocked the divorce papers off the desk. Angry and confused, he asked, "You're divorcing me just because I asked you to stop streaming last night?" A bitter feeling rose in my chest. He was the one who betrayed me and let me go first. Yet he stood there in front of me, acting like he had no idea what he had done. It was as if all the blame and every problem between us were just because I was being unreasonable. I shook my head lightly. "I want a divorce, but that's not the only reason." He frowned deeply. Looking impatient, he said, "Are you still upset about me asking Ruby to carry my child? You clearly agreed to this before. "We argued about it once. So what is it this time?" I looked him straight in the eyes. "Wouldn't divorcing you finally let you be with Ruby?" Jasper froze when he heard that. Ruby, who was standing to the side, immediately stepped forward and grabbed my arm. Tears welled up in her eyes when she said, "Kirsten, what nonsense are you saying? How could I ever be with Jasper? Even if I became the other woman, I would never betray you." Her eyes were clear and sincere. If this had been before, I would have believed her without hesitation. But now, I didn't. Jasper walked over and gently took my hand. "Are you getting jealous and overthinking again?" He explained, "Ruby was having really bad morning sickness last night and felt terrible. I was afraid going home in the middle of the night would disturb your sleep, so I stayed at the company. "I told you I would always love you, whether it was before or now." Would he always love me? I looked down at the rolls on my stomach, and a cold emptiness filled my heart. Ever since I started doing eating livestreams and my body changed, we haven't shared a bed once in these four years. At this point, I wasn't even sure if Jasper still loved me the way he claimed. Even if it was love, how could the love from before be the same as now? Seeing my silence, Jasper assumed I was just throwing another fit because I was jealous. He didn't take the divorce seriously at all. He turned around, picked up the divorce papers from the floor, and casually fed them into the shredder. The machine buzzed as the papers I had spent all night preparing were torn apart and dropped into the trash. Jasper held my face in his hands. His eyes were sincere and gentle, but I couldn't feel any warmth from them. "Kirsten, don't let your thoughts run wild. Let's wait for Ruby to have the baby and keep things peaceful, okay?" he said. "You have me, and there's Ruby too. We're both by your side. "What more could you want?" With that, he pulled me tightly into his arms. Ruby stepped closer and agreed softly. "That's right, Kirsten. We'll always be by your side." As she spoke, she reached out and gently wrapped her arms around my back. At that moment, I truly hesitated. I almost softened and wanted to give in again. But when I looked down, I saw their fingers intertwined. The warmth that had just risen in my chest disappeared instantly. Every last bit of hesitation I had left vanished in an instant. Chapter 3 While waiting for the elevator, I heard quiet voices behind me. The office was unusually quiet, so I could clearly hear them talking about me. They said I was overweight and had a terrible temper. To them, I couldn't compare to the gentle and beautiful Ruby, whether it was my looks or my character. I smiled bitterly and didn't turn around to argue. The truth was, I really wasn't as good as Ruby anymore, in every way. I used to have a slim waist, but now there were extra rolls around my stomach. I was known for being gentle, but years of overeating and hormonal problems had made me irritable and short-tempered. The graceful and gentle woman I used to be was long gone. Anyone else would probably choose Ruby instead of me. - After leaving Jasper's company, I didn't go home. I went to the hospital instead. I wanted to pick up a scalpel again. I wanted to live for myself once more. When the director, Dr. Burke, learned I wanted to come back, he was very pleased. He said he was willing to give me another chance to return. But I needed to shed some pounds first. At my current weight, my knees and body couldn't handle standing for long surgeries. I also needed to spend a year studying in Belton to catch up on the medical knowledge I had missed before I could officially return. After hearing that, it felt like the heavy weight on my shoulders was finally lifted. It had been so long since I last performed a surgery. Getting another chance to start over meant more support and encouragement than I could have imagined. When I got home that evening, the housekeeper immediately came over and asked, "Mrs. Young, is Mr. Young coming home tonight? Should I prepare dinner for one or two people?" I remembered what Jasper had said before I left his office. "Kirsten, I won't be coming home for a while," he said. "Ruby is only a few months pregnant, and her condition isn't stable. I need to stay with her until the baby is born. "If you miss me, just call me. Don't worry. I won't let anyone take your place." Before I left, he gently rubbed my earlobe and kissed my forehead. I pulled myself out of my thoughts and replied, "From now on, just cook for one." Jasper wasn't coming back. In my heart, he never would. - For the next month, I stopped caring where Jasper was. I didn't call him once. I deleted all my streaming schedules and spent that time working out at the gym instead. One day, while I was doing body-shaping exercises with my trainer, I looked up and saw Jasper nearby. He was staring at me and at the trainer's hand that was resting on my waist. The next second, he rushed over and grabbed my wrist, forcefully pulling me out of the gym. He was too strong. I couldn't break free and could only be dragged outside. Standing outside the gym, Jasper questioned me. "Kirsten, do you know you're already married?" How could I not know? I had been married to him for four years, and I spent that whole time giving my everything to him. I didn't answer him. I only calmly asked, "Why are you here?" Jasper avoided my gaze for a moment before explaining, "I brought Ruby here for pilates. She's a model. Even while pregnant, she still needs to maintain her figure. "Otherwise, her body will change even more after giving birth." A chill ran through me. So he could care about a woman's career and figure. So why had he ignored everything I sacrificed? Jasper spoke again. This time, his tone was filled with exhaustion and impatience. "For this whole month, you've been sending divorce papers to my company every day. What are you trying to do?" he asked. "You insist on divorcing me. How long are you going to keep up with this tantrum?" Chapter 4 Back then, I really did throw a tantrum. The first time Jasper suggested that Ruby have his baby, I broke down in tears and destroyed everything in the house. I suspected he was cheating. In a moment of anger, I leaked it to the media, causing his company to be buried in bad press and nearly crumble. When the immense pressure became too much for him, he collapsed and was sent to the ICU. To make things right, I switched from recorded videos of me eating to doing livestreams. Even when my stomach hurt from overeating and I felt sick, I still had to pretend to enjoy it on camera. Day after day, I did it only to make money and help keep his company afloat. During that time, I prayed every day, hoping he would wake up. I was willing to pay any price for it. After he woke up, I agreed to his outrageous request and let Ruby have his child, even though I felt deeply hurt. After all, I believed everything started because of me. But this time, I wasn't making a scene. I truly didn't believe Jasper still loved me. And that was why I had to end this marriage. - The day before I was leaving Heston for Belton, photos of me at the hospital spread online. The caption was especially harsh. It read, "Million-follower livestreamer Kirsten Muller exposed for fake eating videos. Hospital visit for stomach problems follows." During the month I stopped streaming, rumors had already been spreading online. People started guessing. Some were certain I had been faking my eating all along and stopped streaming because I was afraid of being exposed. Others guessed I had actually damaged my health from eating too much and had no choice but to quit. The rumors grew worse, and the situation continued to escalate. Soon, people found out that Jasper Young, the CEO of Young Group, was my husband. I was about to explain why I stopped streaming and defend Jasper and his company from the rumors. Then I saw his apology statement trending online. My heart sank. When I clicked on it, I felt completely numb. Jasper had used his identity as my husband to publicly claim that my four years of eating on livestream had all been fake. No one knew the truth better than him. For four years, I forced myself to overeat every day. My stomach hurt every day, and I became used to vomiting. I needed medicine just to ease the pain. On every painful night, he was the one who handed me mouthwash and tissues. All the kindness and care he once showed me were still clear in my mind. But now, with just one careless statement, he erased all the effort and sacrifices I had made over four years. After that post went up, my followers dropped sharply. Messages filled with insults and mockery flooded my inbox. While packing my things, I couldn't stop myself from calling Jasper. He answered immediately. "Miss me? You finally decided to call me first?" I held back my tears and asked in a trembling voice, "Why did you make a statement that I was faking it? Don't you know better than anyone if I was really eating or not?" Jasper replied calmly, "Kirsten, don't you understand what people online are like? They believe every rumor they hear. Even if you really ate all that food, who would actually believe you?" But I would still be hurt and sad. Did my feelings really not matter at all? A sharp pain spread through my chest. It didn't matter if people didn't believe me. But he knew better than anyone what I had endured and how much I had given over the years. I never thought it would be this hard to have Jasper stand beside me through the rumors. I gripped my phone tightly. My throat tightened, and I couldn't say a word. On the other end of the line, Jasper remained calm and composed. "Kirsten, don't worry about it. Don't read the messages either. I'll have someone handle it," he said. "I'm taking Ruby on an overseas trip today to help her relax. She hasn't been in a good mood lately. "Take care of yourself at home. Wait for me to come back." So it wasn't my emotions that he didn't care about. It was me. My tears fell one by one onto the floor. I ended the call and changed my flight to tonight. If there were more tears than love between us, then this was where we had to end.