Lost on the Road, Found by the Ocean

On the day of our graduation trip, my boyfriend, Josiah Holt, and my childhood friend, Meredith Sloan, leave me behind at a highway rest stop. They drive for half an hour before realizing that I am missing. When Josiah calls me, there is no panic in his voice, only impatience. "Calliope, why didn't you get in the car? Stop messing around. We're rushing to catch the sunset. We can't turn back for you. Just take a taxi and catch up with us yourself." Through the phone, Meredith's voice comes through clearly. "She's not a child. You can't expect to take care of her forever, can you?" In the past, I would have apologized with tears in my eyes. Then I would drag my luggage along and do everything I could to catch up with them. But this time, as I stare at the gray-blue sky outside the rest stop, I suddenly no longer want to chase after them. I cancel all the hotels I have booked for the rest of the trip. Then, I change my ticket and head to a seaside town I have always wanted to visit—the one they always dismissed as boring. From this moment on, the world is my oyster. I finally set out on my own journey, no longer trailing after anyone. Chapter 1 Our graduation trip was originally something my boyfriend, Josiah Holt, and I had agreed on. Over four years of college, I'd gone with Josiah to all kinds of places. From snow-capped mountains and rugged canyons to sunbaked deserts and endless highways, all of them were places he preferred. Before graduation, I brought it up to him once. "Josiah, let's go somewhere with a beach. Just a quiet little town that isn't too touristy. We can sleep in, have some seafood, enjoy the sea breeze, and just take things slow." He had agreed readily that day. "Sure. It's your call for the graduation trip." I was very happy because of that for a long time. I came up with three different versions of the itinerary. For our hotel, I picked one right next to the old town. Our room came with a little balcony where we could see the harbor lights at night. I even secretly bought a white dress, hoping we could take some graduation photos together on the beach. But a week before we were supposed to go on our trip, my childhood friend, Meredith Sloan, posted a route map of the Windmere Plains in a group chat. "We should definitely go somewhere more exciting for our graduation trip. You can go to the beach anytime, but it's not every year we get good weather in the Windmere Plains in summer!" Josiah was quick to reply. "This route looks solid." I stared at my phone, my fingers hovering over the screen for a long time. Finally, I sent my message. "But didn't we agree on the beach?" Meredith shot back swiftly. "Calliope, you're not seriously trying to turn our graduation trip into a retirement trip, are you? We're in our 20s! Don't act like you're already 60!" The others in the group laughed. Someone said the Windmere Plains would make for amazing shots, someone said the beach was too basic, and someone else said it would be a shame for Josiah and Meredith not to shoot a road trip film. Josiah didn't stand up for me. Instead, he just messaged me privately. "Don't be a buzzkill. Meredith has a point there. I'll take you to the beach some other time." There it was again. Some other time. He was always promising me "some other time", but he was always ready to hop on someone else's current plan. I stared at that message, feeling a pang in my chest. Still, I replied, "Okay." And so, I canceled all the beach hotel reservations. I started over, researching the Windmere Plains route, booking car rentals and accommodations, checking the altitude and the weather, working out the budget, and buying the insurance. All Meredith posted in the group was, "Calliope puts together a mean itinerary", followed by a clapping emoji. Looking at that message, I honestly didn't know whether to be happy or upset. … On the day we set off, Josiah came to pick me up. Meredith was already sitting in the passenger seat with her sunglasses on, long legs propped out the window, and an iced latte in her hand. When she saw me walking out with my luggage, she tipped her chin at me. "Hey, Calliope, take the back seat, will you? I get carsick, so I'm better off up front." I get carsick too. Josiah knew that. I was about to say something, but he'd already opened the rear door for me. "Just bear with it. Mer was up until 3:00 am editing footage last night, so she's not in great shape. The back's roomier anyway. You can get some sleep." Seeing how naturally and smoothly he did it, it took me back to freshman year. The first time I went on a trip with him, I got terribly carsick too. He gave the passenger seat up for me, squeezed into the back himself, and kept handing me water and tissues. Back then, he'd said, "What's wrong with my girlfriend being a little fussy? I'm the one who spoiled her." Now, he shoved my suitcase into the trunk, then turned to Meredith and said, "Buckle up! We're going!" I stood by the car and smiled quietly to myself. So it turned out that there was a time frame for being favored too. Chapter 2 Along the way, Josiah and Meredith kept up a lively conversation. They talked about shooting angles, drone flight paths, which stretches of highway were best for sunset shots, and what they should title the documentary if they turned this trip into one. They decided on "Escaping Into the Wild Before Graduation". I sat in the back seat with my tablet on my lap, reviewing the itinerary I had put together. I had every detail down—our departure and arrival times, where we'd stop for gas and meals, which stretches of the drive would have no cell service, and which guesthouses required a call ahead to ensure the hot water would be ready. I tried to speak up several times. "The owner of the guesthouse tonight said that the road up ahead will be narrow. We need to get there before dark." But nobody heard me. … As we were stopping for lunch, I sent Josiah a restaurant I'd looked up in advance. "This place has a lot of bad reviews. Many people complained about its hygiene. Let's go to the one next to it instead." Meredith took one glance at the signboard and said, "I want to have lunch here. Bad reviews just mean it's authentic. Popular spots are usually disappointing." Josiah laughed. "Alright, your call." I frowned. "But you've been having stomach—" "Calliope, can you not be so high-strung when we're out having fun? It's just a meal. It's not that big of a deal," he said with a hint of impatience in his voice. In the end, they ordered a bunch of spicy and greasy food, and Josiah devoured them with obvious enjoyment. Half an hour later, his face went pale from gastricitis. I fished out antacids from my bag, poured him a glass of water, and handed them to him. Meredith sat beside him, chin propped on her hand, and chuckled. "Calliope, you're really acting like you're his mom." Josiah paused mid-sip. Then he laughed too. "Yeah, she's always been like this. I guess she's gotten used to taking care of me." My fingers froze mid-air. I was just concerned about Josiah, but coming from them, it sounded like some out-of-place joke. … We pushed on in the afternoon. The weather turned bad and fog rolled in along the mountain. I reminded Josiah, "Don't drive too fast. There are sharp bends up ahead." Meredith, adjusting her camera settings, said without looking up, "Calliope, if you're scared, just close your eyes and sleep. Don't mess with Josiah's focus." Josiah chuckled and added, "You heard her. Close your eyes." I gripped the seatbelt and stayed silent. The fog thickened as we went, and my carsickness got much worse. My stomach churned violently, and cold sweat broke out on my forehead. I rummaged through my bag for motion-sickness pills, only to remember that when I'd sorted out the meds that morning, I'd put them in the front storage compartment. I called out to Josiah, "Hey, can we pull over at the next rest stop? I need to get some medicine." He grunted in acknowledgment. The music in the car was loud, and Meredith was excitedly showing him the photos she'd just taken. "Look at this one! It has such a cinematic feel. If we edit this trip right, it's definitely going to blow up." Josiah leaned over to look. "Pretty impressive, Ms. Sloan." The two of them burst out laughing together. I leaned back in the rear seat, closed my eyes, and tried to endure the waves of nausea rolling through me. Chapter 3 At that moment, a flood of old memories suddenly came rushing back. I remembered the photography exhibition in our sophomore year. I'd spent three days straight running back and forth to the print shop to help Josiah set it up. I was so worn out that my voice got so hoarse I could barely speak. After the exhibition, Meredith stood in front of the display wall explaining their creative vision to the professor. The professor praised their chemistry. Josiah smiled and said, "We really do make a good pair." I stood in the corner, holding a stack of empty cardboard boxes. He never once turned to spare me a glance. I remembered the summer of our junior year, when Josiah wanted to shoot in a remote, uninhabited area. Worried about him getting altitude sickness, I spent half a month researching, buying him medication, and helping him rent all the equipment he needed. But on the day of departure, he told me at the very last minute that there wasn't enough room in the car and that I shouldn't come along. I stood outside the dormitory with my luggage for a long time. Later, I saw Meredith's post on her social media. The caption read, "The best partner. Always on the road." In the photo, she sat in the passenger seat while Josiah rested his hand casually on the steering wheel. Sunlight fell across his profile, and he looked as handsome as ever. But he looked strangely unfamiliar at the same time. There was also that time when Josiah was having dinner with his friends from a photography club. Someone had asked him, "Hey, why isn't your girlfriend here?" Josiah had answered casually, "She's not really into this kind of thing. She wouldn't have much to say anyway." He'd said it so dismissively. I heard it all while standing right outside the private room, clutching a bottle of electrolyte drink I'd brought because I knew he'd be drinking. I didn't go in that night. I lied and told him something came up, and he didn't ask any further. Each of these things, taken on its own, didn't seem like a big deal. But piled up together, they felt like pieces of damp cotton stuffed inside my chest. Not painful, but just heavy enough to be suffocating. The car finally pulled into the rest stop. I pushed open the door and got out, a little unsteady on my legs. Josiah rolled down the window and called out to me, "Hurry up, we need to catch the sunset!" I nodded and replied, "I'm just getting some medicine. I'll be quick!" The rest stop was crowded, and the pharmacy was at the far end. I waited in line to buy the medicine, then got myself a cup of warm water. By the time I came out, the sky had darkened a little. I walked back to the parking area with the medicine and warm water in my hands. But the spot where the car had been was now empty. I froze for a second. Then, thinking that I'd remembered the wrong place, I walked further ahead and continued looking. I passed by row after row of cars, but none of them was the white SUV. I stood there, feeling my palms slowly turning cold. And that was when my phone rang. Josiah's voice came through. "Calliope, where are you?" My throat tightened. "I'm still at the rest stop. I went to get my medicine, and—" He clicked his tongue impatiently. "Why didn't you get back in the car?" I shot back, "Didn't any of you notice that I wasn't in the car?" Meredith's voice drifted in from the other end. "I thought she was sleeping in the back. Josiah, we've already gone 20 miles. We'll miss the sunset if we turn back now." Josiah lowered his voice. "Calliope, don't make a scene. We're on the highway now. It's a hassle to turn around. See if you can take a taxi or catch a ride with someone and meet us at the next exit." I stood in the unfamiliar rest station, surrounded by strangers streaming past. A big truck rumbled by beside me, and the gust of wind it kicked up made my eyes sting. "Josiah, are you really not coming back for me?" He was silent for a moment. Then, he sounded more annoyed when he spoke again. "Can you not blow this out of proportion? We didn't do this on purpose. You're a grown adult, Calliope. Can't you figure out a way to get here yourself?" Chapter 4 Meredith chuckled again and said to Josiah, "Calliope's just too spoiled. It's always like this with her. She always needs everyone to drop everything for her the moment something doesn't go as planned." A faint laugh escaped me. So they thought that being stranded in a rest stop wasn't a big deal. The sunset they were rushing to see mattered more than me being left alone in an unfamiliar place. I looked down at the cup of warm water in my hand. The cup was warm enough to turn my palms red. But inside, I felt bitterly cold. "Fine," I said. Josiah sounded relieved. "Send me your location once you get a ride. Don't wander off, and hey, don't cry. Nobody wants to deal with tears on a trip." I didn't answer and just ended the call. The wind hit me, and my tears spilled over. It wasn't loud sobbing. Just quiet drops falling one after another, making no sound at all as they dripped into the cup of warm water. I remembered my mom asking me before I left, "Are you sure you want to go on a trip with them? You look exhausted every time you come back from a trip with them." I'd defended Josiah back then. "It's our graduation trip. This is the last chance we get." But it turned out that this was really going to be our last trip together. I opened the booking app and bought a ticket to a small coastal town in the south. It was the same old town I'd canceled, the one with the beach I wanted to visit and the seafood chowder I'd been craving. There was also a cultural travel agency there where I had secretly submitted my résumé. They had sent me an interview invitation the week before. But I never replied yet, because Josiah had said, "I don't feel good about you being somewhere alone. Just come back to Fairmont with me. I'll have a friend set you up with an operations role." I hadn't said no back then, not because I wanted to, but because I had grown used to shaping my life around his. Now, though, I didn't want that anymore. I opened all my orders and canceled every booking for the next six days—the guesthouses, campsites, car rentals, and photoshoot sessions. I was the one who had made all those reservations, and I was also the one who had paid the deposits. I had no obligation to keep arranging a trip that didn't include me. Then I opened my contacts, removed Josiah from the top of my favorites, and deleted Meredith from my friend list. Finally, I sent my mom a message. "Mom, I'm not going to the Windmere Plains anymore. I want to go see the ocean." Mom's reply came quickly. "Go ahead. And this time, don't take care of everyone else. Just take good care of yourself." My tears fell again when I saw the message. The sky had gone completely dark by then. I pulled my suitcase toward the bus that would take me to the train station. Behind me, the highway lights stretched endlessly into the night, almost like the road I'd been chasing for years. But this time, I wasn't chasing it anymore.