Burying Our Love in the Past

At a class reunion, the men are drinking while the women kick off a "best husband challenge". Each of us has to call our husband and ask for 10 grand for a new purse to see who can get it first. Unsurprisingly, I'm the winner again. "Rose, we're so envious of you; you have all the money and all the time in the world!" Laughter fills the room as everyone tacitly avoids the past. No one talks about how Landon Ross and I have been dating for eight years but still aren't married. Or how I'm the last person to find out he's going abroad to pursue his studies. Or how I crashed my car trying to catch his flight and lost my first baby. Even during my darkest days of depression, only my best friend, Carissa Evensong, stays by my side. I simply smile and remain silent. My gaze lands on Carissa, who's clutching her phone tightly with a troubled look on her face. "Count me out. He's too busy with work to pick up," Carissa says. An awkward silence settles over the room. Everyone in our circle knows she's been secretly married for three years and has a three-year-old son, but nobody has ever actually met the guy. Not wanting her to get picked on, I snatch her phone and make the call for her. To my absolute disbelief, the call goes through almost instantaneously, and Landon's voice comes through the receiver. "Honey, I'm picking our son up from school right now." Chapter 1 As soon as Landon Ross' words fell, all the surrounding hustle and bustle dissolved into a dead silence. Carissa Evensong snatched her phone back and immediately ended the call. The blood drained from her face, and she had absolutely no idea how to explain herself. The very next second, her phone rang again. As if terrified that something terrible had happened to her, the person on the other end of the line wouldn't stop trying to get through to her. My blood ran cold, and I looked up stiffly. "Are you going to answer it yourself, or should I answer it for you?" Sensing the shift in the room, the others hastily stepped in to defuse the tension. "This has to be some kind of misunderstanding!" "Everyone knows Carissa's your closest friend. I mean, she literally took a knife for you!" We were childhood friends who grew up to be everything to each other. When I was cornered and nearly assaulted by a group of thugs, Carissa had come to my rescue all on her own. Not only had she been stabbed 11 times, but she'd also been nearly paralyzed and left in a vegetative state. When my eyes welled with tears of overwhelming guilt, she'd wrapped her arms gently around me, without the slightest hint of regret. She had said, "You're my best friend. I'll never let anyone hurt you!" Our friendship used to be as solid as gold. Carissa was my ride or die. Yet, it was crumbling to pieces right before my eyes. At everyone's insistence, Carissa had no choice but to answer the call. However, the familiar voice on the other end hadn't changed one bit. If anything, it carried an urgency I had never once heard directed at me. "Honey, what happened? Why did you hang up without saying a word? Where are you? I'll come pick you up right now!" The room fell silent in an instant. Not a single person stepped forward to her defense now. Pitiful looks rained down on me from all directions, weighing me down so heavily that I could barely breathe. I bolted out of the room and braced myself against the wall as a violent wave of nausea overtook me. As my tears began to spill and crash against the ground, a familiar figure suddenly entered my field of vision. Landon Ross—the man who told me he was studying abroad—was standing right in front of me. He froze for a fraction of a second, but his expression barely shifted. It was as if I were nothing more than a total stranger to him. Carissa rushed out behind me. However, the words died in her throat the moment she witnessed this scene. "What are you doing here?" she asked. Landon took off his coat and gently draped it over her shoulders. His movements were as natural as those of a couple who had been happily married for years. "I was worried about you, so I followed your phone's GPS tracker here." I burst into laughter. My eyes were filled with pure irony. Back when I was in that horrific car accident, my phone had automatically sent him my location, alerting him that my life was in danger. Yet, he hadn't blinked an eye. He had completely vanished from my life, leaving behind nothing but a hollow promise. "Once I'm back from studying abroad, I'll marry you." Thus, throughout the three years I had spent battling depression, he had never once shown his face. He had only wired me money on schedule, as though it could somehow make up for the void he had left behind. It dawned on me that those three years he spent away from me weren't spent alone abroad but in the arms of my best friend. He had vanished from my life, yet he had also saturated it. Every year on her anniversary, Carissa would drop her son, Leon Ross, off at my place. The boy was young, so he couldn't keep a secret and always babbled about his parents. "Daddy's so good to Mommy! So long as she tells him she misses him, he'll catch a red-eye flight back that night. "When she's sick, he'll stay by her side to take care of her until she's better. He'll even shed a tear when he thinks no one's looking! Even when I go to school, Daddy doesn't want Mommy to wake up early, so he drives me to kindergarten himself!" I always saw Landon in his innocent face. Hence, I would stealthily wipe my tears away and murmur with envy, "That's nice. I envy your mommy for always having someone by her side." Now, the irony of it all was suffocating. My best friend, who had stayed with me through my days in the hospital while I struggled with depression, was the same person who slept beside the man I loved at night. Chapter 2 Carissa pushed his hand away and walked over to me. "I can explain, Rose!" "Oh?" I snickered, though tears were already pooling in my eyes. "What are you going to tell me? That the husband you've been secretly married to for three years isn't him? Or that the child you carried for nine months and gave birth to isn't his?" Her silence was her confession, and in that instant, the truth laid itself bare. No wonder she had never introduced us. No wonder there was always that unreadable emotion in her eyes whenever I brought up her husband. "I'm the one to blame here. If you have a problem, take it out on me!" Landon pulled her behind him, shielding her with his body. The icy look in his eyes made him feel like a total stranger to me. "She didn't do anything wrong. Don't you dare hurt her!" We had been together for eight years, and this was the first time Landon had ever defended someone else in front of me. In the past, no matter what happened, he had always stood firmly by my side. If a shadow of a frown so much as crossed my features, he would cup my face in his hands and do everything he could to make things right. He would ask, "What's wrong? Who bullied you? Tell me. I'll teach them a lesson right now!" However, in the end, the person who hurt me the most was the man I had given my heart to. I took a deep breath, forcing myself to remain calm. My fingers, however, dug into my palms, leaving deep, red indentations. "When did it start?" Was it when he started staying out all night and hid his social media feed from me? Or was it when he started spacing out during our conversations, completely tuning me out? Landon shook his head. It was neither. It had started during that trip the three of us took. I had caught a cold and turned in early, whereas the two of them went out for a drink. Like a moth to a flame, sparks ignited in an instant. From that night on, he used the guise of picking me up as a convenient excuse to catch a glimpse of Carissa. And just like that, the two of them traded secret glances, keeping their romance hidden from the world. However, when Carissa found out she was pregnant and panicked, resolving to terminate it, Landon stopped her. Behind my back, he married her and gave her a home. He had given another woman the future I had fantasized about countless times and longed for ages. I'd stayed by his side for eight years. I'd gone through hell with him, lived in leaky apartments, and split a single piece of bread just to get his career to where it is today. Yet, he still abandoned me without the slightest hesitation. After learning the truth, a lump formed in my throat. I closed my eyes as an unprecedented helplessness engulfed me. "Alright," I said. It was a simple, decisive word, yet it carried far too many tangled emotions. I was about to leave when Carissa abruptly dropped to her knees in front of me. "I'm the one who wronged you, Rose. I'm the shameless one who seduced him. You can hit me, curse at me, and do whatever you want, but please don't be this calm…" Her eyes were wild with anxiety, and her voice choked with sobs. After all, during my darkest bouts of depression, she was the only one by my side. Innumerable times, I would calmly tell her to go home, only to turn around the very next second and cut myself. Even though she hid every sharp object in the house, I always found a way to torture myself. Terrified, she would always hold me tightly in her arms, tears streaming down her face as she begged me to live on. However, none of that pain even came close to one ten-thousandth of what she had brought me today. Landon couldn't stand it anymore. His brows knitted as he tried to pull her to her feet. Yet, Carissa refused to budge. Anchoring herself to the ground, she reached out to take my hand. "I don't want to lose you, Rose. You're my best friend… Don't worry, I'll get a divorce right away and leave with Leo. I'll give you back everything that's yours, okay?" Her gaze was sincere, similar to the time she had told me she only wanted me to be happy. However, certain lines, once crossed, can never be uncrossed. Slowly, I pulled my hand away and said flatly, "From this moment on, we are no longer friends, and I have nothing to do with Landon anymore." Chapter 3 I kept a straight face, preserving my dignity. Yet, the second I got into the cab, my strong front crumbled, and I bawled my eyes out. I huddled in the corner, hugging my knees as my tears soaked through my clothes. The condition I thought I had finally gotten a handle on flared up again, pushing me to the edge. As soon as I got home, I completely trashed the place. I let the glass slash my hands and blood pool on the floor, but I still refused to stop. It felt as though this was the only way I could suppress the fear inside me. Then, I found the knife Carissa had hidden away and aimed it right at my arm. At that moment, the door was kicked open. Landon was panting when he barged in and snatched the knife out of my hand. His eyes were bloodshot and burning with anger. "Are you out of your mind? When did you become like this, Rosalie?" When? Maybe it started during those eight years he refused to marry me. Or maybe it was when he hid the fact that he was going abroad to study, and I was the last person to find out. Back then, the moment I regained consciousness from the car crash, I threw everything to the wind and dialed Landon's number, begging him not to leave me behind. I would never forget how cold he was. "You need to grow up, Rosalie. Are you going to die without me?" he said. Before I could respond, he hung up on me. He had forgotten that my parents had died and that, aside from Carissa, he was the only one I had left. However, Carissa was busy taking care of her child and her husband, whom she kept a secret from me. Who else did I even have? I spent my days in a world without light, reduced to little more than a shell of myself. Every time I tried to talk to Landon, he would shut me out, claiming he was too busy with work. But now, I knew that was just an excuse to avoid me. He already had a happy family of his own and a three-year-old son. Meanwhile, I could only live in a fantasy—a fantasy where Landon would keep his promise and come back to marry me. "Mind your own business," I bit back. After snapping back to reality, I felt the pain become even clearer. I sidestepped Landon to the bedroom, but he followed me. "I know I did you dirty, but Cari's innocent. You really don't have to cut her off. You know she cares about your friendship more than anything." Carissa cared about me? She cared about me enough to end up in bed with him and have his child. Yet, she still kept me completely in the dark, keeping me company as I waited for a tomorrow that would never come. Before I could say a word, Landon had already lowered his head and started bandaging my wounds. It was just like the old days. Knowing I was terrified of pain, he gently blew on them. It felt as though nothing about him had changed, yet everything had. Perhaps the truth was just that he didn't love me anymore. "I didn't mean to keep it from you. I merely never found the right moment to tell you." He set the bandages down, his tone softening considerably. "Give me some time, Rosalie. Once Leo grows up, I'll divorce her, and I'll give you the wedding I promised. It's just that…" It's just that it can't be right now. He still couldn't return to my side. He wanted to be a good father, a good husband. The only thing he could offer was empty promises. All of a sudden, I realized how pathetic I was. After losing my parents, I lived for friendship. After meeting Landon, I lived for love. I had been alive all this time, only to end up becoming the very person I always hated. Consequently, this time, I decided to be a little selfish and live for myself. A few days later, I booked a flight to Zelani. It was my dream destination. Landon had told me he would hold our wedding there. So, I waited and waited until I fell ill, until he grew tired of me. Still, that day never came. This time, I planned to go alone. Chapter 4 I didn't breathe a word to Carissa or Landon. I merely packed my belongings in secret. Carissa would still drop by to check on me from time to time, her eyes heavy with guilt. "I'm sorry, Rose…" I could only sigh. I couldn't bring myself to lash out at her, nor could I bring myself to forgive her. The bond we once shared was real, but so was the betrayal. Thus, all I could do was sit quietly on the couch, waiting for Landon to show up with Leon and take her home. Whenever that moment arrived, Leon would always throw himself into her arms and secretly whisper what kind of surprise Landon had prepared for her—like the strawberry cake Carissa had mentioned in passing, or the dress she had said was too expensive and couldn't bring herself to buy. After listening to him reuse the exact same playbook, I couldn't help but chuckle. It seems that, after three years apart, the way he loved someone still hadn't evolved. Once the three of them left, my house went silent again. The couple's mugs and the matching sweaters I couldn't bring myself to throw away felt like a cruel joke, mocking how oblivious I'd been. My chat log with Landon still contained nothing but transfer notifications. Somewhere along the line, he went from telling me every little detail of his day to not even sending a "good morning" text. And whenever I sent him a message, it would sink straight to the bottom of the ocean, without making a single ripple. … On the day of my departure, there was a knock on my door. I answered it, only to see Leon's small figure. "What is it—" Before I could finish, he started fiercely pounding his fists against my legs, forcing me to stumble back. "It's all your fault! You're a bad woman who bullies my mommy! Daddy and Mommy fight every single day because of you, and Mommy cries every day!" I froze for a moment. I couldn't wrap my mind around how, even after yielding this much ground, I was still getting kicked while I was down. Despite my attempts to clarify things for Leon, he went ballistic. He reached for the glass from the coffee table and smashed it against my face. A bloodcurdling cry escaped me as I failed to move out of the way. The glass pierced my eye. The pain brought tears to my eyes, and the tears I shed were stained with blood. However, he wasn't done. He sank his teeth into my hand next. He used nearly all his strength, tearing off a layer of my skin. "Get off me!" I shoved him away with all my might, as all my anger and grievances exploded at once. He fell hard to the ground, landing right on top of the shattered glass from earlier. "I bullied your mother?" I guffawed, though my tears only flowed faster. "Leon Ross, you're nothing but a bastard! You're the bastard child your mother had by seducing a taken man!" As soon as my words fell, the door was flung open. Landon stormed up to me and slapped me hard across the face. "Rosalie Hawthorne, he's just a child! How could you be so malicious?" The impact sent my face reeling to the side, and a vivid handprint quickly bloomed across my cheek. Yet, the moment he locked eyes with my blood-red, bleeding eye, he froze. Terror flickered in his gaze. "W-What happened to you?" Carissa scooped Leon up. His limbs were covered in shards of glass. Tears welled up in her eyes as her heart ached for Leon. Her voice trembled as she yelled, "Rosalie, you can do whatever you want to me because I owe you, but my son is innocent! How could you do this to him? From this moment on, we're done!" With that, she ripped off the rosary bracelet I had given her and hurled it on the ground. Before she left, she made sure to stomp on it several times until the string snapped and the rosaries scattered on the ground. Then, she left with Leon. Landon hurried after them, leaving me alone in the wreckage. … After getting patched up at the hospital, I boarded the plane. Before taking off, I took one last look at the city I knew so well. I looked back on the eight years I had wasted here. From here on out, both love and friendship belonged to the past.