The Polar Night Won't Shine on the Faithless

My twin sister Selena was the most troublesome grad student my fiancé, Professor Adrian Hall, had ever taken on. Skipping class, showing up late, doctoring observation curves. Every time she walked into his lab, the two of them seemed ready to set the whole college on fire. I told Adrian to stop using that tribunal tone with her. But he explained, "Eve, if she keeps drifting like this, sooner or later she'll ruin herself." When he looked at Selena, his gray-blue eyes were as cold as a lake on a winter night. "Have every raw record on my oak desk before eight tomorrow morning. One page short, and you don't set foot in the observation tower for the rest of the month." I felt embarrassed for Selena, and grateful that I'd fallen for the right man. Adrian Hall was the youngest tenured professor at St. George's College. Tall and lean, always in a dark gray cashmere coat, shirt buttoned to the very top. He could dismantle an entire model in the calmest voice, and still hold an umbrella over me on a rainy night, so gentle it made me believe I was the one exception outside his academic world. Until the day we were preparing the wedding invitations. I borrowed his tablet, and my finger accidentally slipped into a document buried under layers of folders. Inside were five hundred and twenty memos. [Punishment No. 519: Selena talked back to me again. I kept her in my office and fucked her until three in the morning;by the end she didn't have the strength left to even look up at me.] [Punishment No. 520: She got jealous. She insisted I leave something behind inside Eve's wedding dress — to prove that the white gown meant to symbolize purity could be dirtied by her too.] With trembling hands, I scrolled to the video at the very bottom. On the screen, the aloof and untouchable Professor Hall was down on one knee on his office carpet, kissing the rose tattoo on Selena's ankle. "Selena, stop torturing me. Whatever you want, I'll give it to you, alright?" Chapter 1 My stomach clenched hard, and I gripped the porcelain sink, retching. The water rushed loudly, covering the sobs I couldn't hold down. The door was pushed open gently. "Eve, why are you throwing up so hard?" Adrian walked in carrying a glass of warm water. He brought the glass to my lips. The temperature was just right, with the honey I always drank and a little lemon added in, the kind of care he always gave, thoughtful to the point of near perfection. With his free hand he gently tucked the loose strands of hair off my forehead behind my ear, his eyes full of an aching tenderness. "You've been worn out lately with the wedding and taking care of yourself. Have a sip. Don't scare me." I stared at those hands. Just minutes ago, these same hands had been stroking the tattoo on Selena's ankle in that video, obsessed, as if caressing some sinful, precious relic. My fingertips trembled beyond my control. I didn't call him out. I just took a deep breath and slowly pushed his hand away from my cheek. "I'm fine. Maybe it was the sea breeze last night." Adrian slid his arm around my shoulders, his voice as gentle as if he were soothing a frightened bird. "Come on. Our parents are all waiting at the private club. Today's the big day we set our wedding date. Let's not worry them." The moment I followed him out the door, an image from my doctoral years suddenly flashed through my mind. That year, my core aurora model was stolen by someone in my own lab. It was Adrian who spent the whole night organizing every piece of raw data, who stood before the college committee in his long black coat and slammed the report proving my innocence down onto the long table. Back then he'd stood in front of me, his lean figure unwavering. "No one gets to stain Eve's name." Remembering that line now, I only felt a chill crawl up behind my ears. Back in the private dining room we'd booked, both sets of parents were chatting warmly about the wedding details. The dinner was at a private seaside club, all dark wood walls, brass candlesticks, white roses, and silver cutlery, exactly like a rehearsal for the "tasteful and restrained" wedding Adrian always talked about. Only Selena was late. It wasn't until forty minutes after the meal began that the door finally opened. Selena walked in wearing a wine-red velvet slip dress, its hem trailing across the dark carpet like a wound deliberately drawn out long. On her slender ankle sat an out-of-place waterproof medical patch. The spot was exact, the very place where the rose tattoo had been in the video. Adrian's once-gentle expression turned cold. He set down his knife and fork and reprimanded her out loud, in front of both sets of parents. "Punctuality is the first threshold of scholarship. If you can't even show up on time, don't bother coming to the observation tower tomorrow." Selena bit her lower lip, her eyes rimmed red, staring at him without moving. The laughter at the table cut off at once, and even the clink of silver forks against china turned grating. I instinctively wanted to smooth things over, but the napkin on my lap slipped off. I bent down to pick it up. The tablecloth hung down, and everything went dark for a moment. In that dimness, the phone screen on Adrian's knee lit up. The sender was labeled "Non-Compliant Sample." The message popped up, only part of it showing in the preview: "The patch is on. Did Eve see it just now?" In that instant, even my breath stopped. Adrian's eyes swept down over it, his fingertip hovering above the screen, then slowly drew back. He turned the phone face-down, as if nothing had happened, and picked his silver fork back up, placing a piece of deboned fish onto my plate. "Eve, eat more. You've gotten too thin lately." He lifted the fish, picked out the bones, set it on my plate, every motion so steady you couldn't fault it. But suddenly I couldn't tell who he'd perfected that practiced ease on. I looked at the fish on my plate and didn't touch it. I slowly pushed the plate aside and stood up. "I feel a little nauseous. This fish might be bad." I looked into Adrian's startled eyes, my voice calm. "Enjoy your meal, Professor Hall. I'm heading back." Chapter 2 That line from the memo, "leave something behind inside Eve's wedding dress," echoed over and over in my head until my temples ached. After leaving the family dinner, I took a cab alone to our wedding home. It was a red-brick apartment near the college's old library, with a view of an ivy-covered clock tower from the window. Adrian had once said that after we married, he'd come down from his study every day, cross through the mist and the chiming bells, and take my hand to go get the first coffee of the morning. In the center of the dressing room hung the wedding gown he'd flown all the way to Europe to have hand-made by an old tailor. Layer upon layer of white, studded with fine pearls, like a snowfall frozen in place. I walked over and pulled back the dust cover. Through the elaborate lace lining, I searched inch by inch. Finally, on the most hidden inner side of the hem, I felt a spot that had been washed again and again until the fabric had stiffened. The smell of detergent was strong, strong enough to suggest it had been scrubbed deliberately, many times over. Yet it still couldn't cover that familiar scent of cedar. It was the cologne Adrian had worn for years, cool and clean, like the wooden doors of a church on a snowy night. Three months ago, Adrian had held this very gown and knelt on one knee before me. When he looked up at me, his gray-blue eyes shone as if he'd caught hold of something. "Eve, my world is too harsh. You're the only softness I want to protect with everything I have." Now I saw it was all lies and deceit. Even the wedding gown between us had been nothing but a plaything to spice up their pleasure. I let go, gathered up the gown, and turned to walk out of the apartment. Half an hour later, I was standing outside the polar research center where Adrian worked. He happened to be in a group meeting. Through the slats of the blinds, I could clearly see him standing in the middle of the conference room, his face grave. Dark suit, silver-rimmed glasses, cuffs fastened without a flaw, he looked like a judge stepped straight out of some classical academy portrait. He threw Selena's lab report down on the long table, pages scattering across the floor. "Falsified observation data. Selena, you're a disgrace to this entire academic community." His voice carried out through the crack in the door, low and cold. "If you don't finish rerunning all one hundred sample sets today, you stay here. No one is to plead for her." He tore into her viciously, and the students around him were frozen silent, holding their breath. When the meeting broke up, the students filed out one after another. Adrian was the last to come out, and the moment he looked up, he saw me waiting outside. The cold on his face melted away at once. He walked quickly over, lowering his head out of habit to kiss my forehead, his eyes full of apology. "I'm sorry, Eve. I was just so busy today, I couldn't go with you for the dress fitting." Almost as a reflex, I turned my face away, and the nausea I'd pushed down surged up again. His movement froze midair, a flicker of confusion crossing his eyes. I looked into his eyes, my voice soft but every word clear. "The dress seems to have gotten dirty. There's a strange cologne smell in the lining." I watched his face closely, not letting a single expression slip past me. Adrian's expression darkened for an instant. But he quickly lifted a smile so gentle it was flawless. "Maybe the cleaner used some cheap incense. I'll have a brand-new one sent over tomorrow. My Eve shouldn't be frowning over something like this." He reached out to slip an arm around my waist. "I'll take care of it. Don't be upset." I stepped back, avoiding his touch. "No need. I'll handle it myself." I turned and walked toward the end of the corridor. At the corner, I stopped. From the equipment room that should have been locked came a sudden, muffled sound. Like a chair leg knocking against a metal cabinet door. Right after came Selena's laugh, pitched low but brimming with provocation. "Professor Hall, when you were scolding me just now, Eve was right outside listening, wasn't she?" I stood where I was, listening to the suggestive murmurs behind that door, slowly tightening my grip on the gown in my hands. Chapter 3 That very afternoon, I got a call from my former mentor. There was an opening for a key director post at the North Atlantic polar deep-sea station, and since I'd taken part in building the early models, they needed someone pulled in to fill it temporarily. My mentor was silent for a long while on the other end, his voice careful. "Eve, this assignment runs three years, fully sealed off, with strict limits on communication, and conditions far harsher than at the college. Think it over carefully." I looked at the resignation letter I'd just printed out on the desk and signed my name without hesitation. "I'll go, professor." After hanging up, I drew a red circle on the calendar. Seven days left before departure. Maybe afraid I'd keep pressing about the smell on the gown, the next day Adrian pulled his connections and booked out the planetarium downtown. It was a dream I'd always had, to watch a man-made meteor shower meant for just the two of us. Inside the vast domed hall, the starlight was dazzling, silver points drifting slowly down from overhead, as if the whole night sky were bowing down for us. Watching the light rain down across the sky, I suddenly thought back to that year in college. To catch a winter meteor shower, we'd frozen an entire night on a mountaintop in fourteen-degree cold. Back then he wasn't yet the Professor Hall everyone looked up to, just a poor but proud young lecturer. Aching for me, he'd tucked my frozen feet against his chest to warm them, and with the pull-tab off a soda can, his eyes red, he proposed. "Eve, I'll never let you suffer even the smallest wrong again." Now, as the meteor shower poured down, he took a velvet box from his pocket. A custom diamond ring lay inside, our names engraved on the inner band. Tenderly, he lifted my hand and slid the ring toward my ring finger. The cold of the metal against my skin sent a shiver through me. I didn't resist, just quietly watched him finish acting out this loving little scene. Just as he stood, cupped my face, and was about to kiss me, the backup phone in his pocket suddenly rang. It was the ringtone set specially for Selena. The instant he answered, his face changed. He didn't even notice the panic that broke across that ever-composed face. He suddenly tightened his grip on my hand, hard enough to hurt. "Eve, there's been a reagent leak at the research center. Selena might be trapped inside. I have to get over there right now." He spoke fast, giving me no time to react at all. "Wait for me here. I'll be back as soon as I've dealt with it." I watched him rush out of the hall, straight into the pouring rain outside. He even forgot to leave me the car keys. He'd once said I would always come first. But that night, he forgot to even ask how I'd get home. I didn't keep waiting at the planetarium. I walked home through the storm on foot. The rain soaked through my clothes, and that night I came down with a high fever. Aching all over and drifting in and out, I opened my phone. On my feed, a post Selena had just put up loaded in. It was set so only I could see it. The photo's background was the ghostly white of a hospital bed. A large hand was gripping a girl's slender wrist tightly. That familiar vein on the wrist, I could have named whose it was with my eyes closed. The caption was a single line: [Professor Hall says if I die, he won't go on living either.] I stared at that photo for a long time, long enough that the screen dimmed on its own. In the black screen my face was reflected, flushed with fever, my eyes frighteningly empty. Later I saw from the duty log that the so-called leak that night was just Selena knocking over a bottle of low-concentration reagent. The ventilation alarm cleared in under three minutes, yet Adrian still stayed with her at the hospital until dawn. I lit the screen again, opened the chat with the polar project director, and sent a message. "Can the ship ticket be moved up to three days from now? I want to leave early." Chapter 4 The high fever turned into severe pneumonia, and I finally collapsed on the living room floor. It was Noah, a senior colleague from my group, who sensed something was wrong, broke down the door with building management, and got me to the hospital. He stayed up all night, his eyes red, keeping watch by my bed, changing my towels and giving me warm water. Adrian didn't get to the hospital until the next morning. He looked exhausted, the collar of his white shirt still damp with rain, his cashmere coat draped over one arm, altogether too disheveled to be the ever-proper, elegant Professor Hall. The moment he pushed open the ward door, his gaze fixed on Noah, who was spoon-feeding me porridge. His face darkened in an instant. "I'm her fiancé. It's not your place to fawn over her here. Get out." Noah glanced at him, set down the bowl, and turned to leave. Only the two of us were left in the ward. Adrian's knees bent, and he knelt before my bed. He grabbed my hand and pressed it hard against his cheek. His lashes were soaked, his voice shaking. "Eve, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." "I'm her advisor. The accident could have cost a life, I couldn't just ignore her. Hit me, scream at me, whatever you want, but don't look at me like that. It scares me." I looked at him quietly. Years ago, when I had my appendix out, he'd knelt by the bed and held my hand just like this. Heartbroken, he'd said he'd take the pain for me if he could. Watching him in this state of anguish, I suddenly felt dazed. I couldn't tell whether he was begging my forgiveness or desperately trying to prove he was still the Adrian who used to love me. I slowly drew my hand back. I picked up a tissue from the nightstand and wiped the back of my hand. "It's fine. You were only doing your duty, Professor Hall. I completely understand." "But we still need to confirm the wedding guest list. Don't leave anyone off." I didn't cry, and I didn't demand answers. Looking at me like this, Adrian's breathing faltered for the first time. To put me at ease, he took out his phone in front of me and deleted Selena's contact then and there. He held up the screen for me to see and swore, one word at a time. "I'll transfer her to another advisor tomorrow. I promise, I'll never see her again." Looking at the empty chat screen, I suddenly found it funny. A man who could hide five hundred and twenty records couldn't possibly have only one way to reach her. But I nodded anyway. "Alright." The day I was discharged was the last day of the countdown. Without telling Adrian, I went to his office alone to collect my clearance file and transfer papers. The corridor was dead quiet. The office door was left ajar, a gap remaining. No light was on inside, only the gray daylight filtering in from the window. I stopped and looked in through the crack. The usually lofty, cool, upright Professor Hall was sprawled casually in his leather office chair. And Selena, who was supposed to have been "transferred to another advisor," was sitting on his lap. Her wine-red slip dress had slid halfway down, baring a wide stretch of pale skin. In Adrian's hand, he was toying with a black leather collar. He didn't push her away. Instead he raised his hand and fastened the collar around her neck. A soft click. Adrian's voice was hoarse, thick with undisguised desire. "I deleted you right in front of her. This collar locks around no one but you. From now on, you answer only to me." His fingers stroked the metal clasp. "I'm the only one with the key. Satisfied now? I've all but thrown away my dignity for you." Selena laughed softly and wound her arms around his neck. But her eyes went past Adrian's shoulder, staring straight at me outside the door. Just then, my fingers on the door handle shifted. The hinge gave a faint creak. Adrian frowned and looked up. The moment that ever-refined face met my eyes, every trace of color drained from it. Chapter 5 Even the hand at Selena's neck went still. He suddenly shoved Selena off his lap. Caught off guard, Selena dropped to the floor, her provoking look turning to shock. Adrian scrambled to his feet, his clothes in complete disarray. "Eve!" He called out my name, his voice cracking out of tune. Watching him fumble to straighten his clothes, my stomach churned violently. Gripping the door handle, I fought to steady my trembling voice. "Sorry to interrupt your lesson, Professor Hall." With that, I pulled the door shut for them on my way out. Cutting off the sight inside, too unbearable to look at. The moment the door closed, I heard something inside me snap along with it. A very faint sound, like a fuse burning out in the observation tower. Seven years of love, it turned out, made no earth-shaking noise when it truly died. I didn't even cry. I just suddenly thought of that black tablet in the study drawer. Those records he'd hidden away shouldn't be used to torture only me. What Adrian cared about most was appearances. Then I'd give back every page of the love he'd written himself. I turned and walked out. Before I'd gone far, the door behind me was yanked open hard. Adrian came chasing after me. He didn't dare make a scene in the college corridor, so he kept his voice low and hurried after me. "Eve, let me explain. It's not what you saw." I ignored him and walked straight to the elevator. He reached out to grab my arm. I dodged his hand, stepped into the elevator, and pressed the button for the ground floor. He squeezed in a second before the doors closed. In the cramped space, the cedar scent on him mixed with the cloying sweetness of Selena's perfume, rushing straight up my nose. I stepped back to put distance between us. Adrian's eyes were red, his chest heaving. "Eve, I was only disciplining her." "She falsified experiment data. I just wanted to teach her a lesson. Nothing happened between us." He was still trying to paper it over with that advisor excuse. "Disciplining her with a collar?" I cut him off. He was speechless, his lips moving, unable to force out a word for the longest time. The elevator reached the ground-floor lobby. Classes had just let out, and the lobby was full of people coming and going. I stepped out, Adrian dogging my every step. In front of everyone, he grabbed my wrist. "Eve, let's talk at home, okay? Don't make a scene here." The students around us threw curious glances our way. A few grad students had already stopped in their tracks, staring at us in surprise. I raised my hand and slipped the custom diamond ring off my ring finger. The metal band left my skin with a faint pressure mark behind. I held the ring up and, under Adrian's stunned gaze, walked to the storm drain grate nearby. I let go. A crisp little clink. The diamond ring struck the grate once and rolled into the filthy water below. Adrian froze for two seconds, the last of the color leaving his face. He lunged over, dropping to his knees at the grate, trying to reach his hand into that filth to fish it out. The cuffs of his expensive shirt were soaked with muddy water, and he didn't notice at all. I looked down at him from where I stood. "The engagement's off." "Adrian Hall, from today on, don't ever let me hear your name again." With that, I walked out of the lab building without looking back. The gasps behind me went on and on. I didn't look back. My phone screen lit up, a boarding reminder popping up: departure in nine hours. I had to wrap up everything here as fast as I could. Back at the apartment, I started packing. The suitcase lay open on the floor, and I put in only my documents, my laptop, and two changes of clothes. Everything Adrian had given me, I swept into a trash bag and left out in the corridor. My phone kept buzzing with message alerts. All of them long explanations from Adrian. I didn't even glance at them. I just blocked him. Chapter 6 News of the broken engagement spread quickly through the college circle. Adrian didn't give up. He thought I was just angry in the moment, thought that if he cut off my way out, I'd come crawling back to beg him. Citing unfinished project handovers, classified data reviews still awaiting signature, and ethics evaluations needing further explanation, he hit pause on the college's approval process. And while he was at it, he froze the grant funding on every project I held. The dean of administration in charge of approvals spoke earnestly over the phone. "Eve, quarrels before an engagement are common among young people. Professor Hall means well for you." "Just swallow your pride, go have a good talk with him. Your file will be approved right away, and the funding can be restored." I hung up. Adrian knew me too well. He knew research was my life, knew that without my file and funding I couldn't go anywhere. He wanted to use this to force me to bow to him. But he forgot that I hadn't gotten this far on anyone's charity. I sat in the living room and reorganized all my project files by classification level. Every data set, every handover record, every model revision, I'd kept a duplicate index of. Adrian thought that blocking the approvals meant breaking my backbone. He was wrong. Research was my life, but if that life had to be sustained by bowing to a traitor, then that would be the real ruin of it. I went to Noah. Noah was working on a national-level polar project and held very high transfer clearance. After hearing what had happened to me, he didn't say a word, just took an emergency project transfer order straight to the records office. That document, stamped with a bright red official seal, worked better than any personal connection. My file was released without a hitch. Three hours left before departure. I walked out of the apartment building with my suitcase. A black sedan sat blocking the intersection. Adrian leaned against the car door, cigarette butts scattered around his feet. He'd lost a lot of weight, his eyes bloodshot, a worn-out weariness hanging over him. When he saw me walk out side by side with Noah, his gaze landed on Noah's hand carrying my luggage. Jealousy twisted his face. He strode over and blocked our way. "Eve, you actually went and begged him just to get away from me?" He pointed at Noah, his voice carrying a suppressed rage. "Do you have any idea what it means to pull a classified transfer? You'd throw away your whole future just to avoid me?" Noah stepped forward, putting himself in front of me. "Professor Hall, Eve has nothing to do with you anymore. Please move aside." Adrian's eyes were red, glaring hard at Noah. "This is between me and my fiancée. It's not your place to interfere." Looking at his self-righteous act, I only found it laughable. "My future is none of your concern, Professor Hall." I moved past him toward Noah's car. Adrian grabbed the car door. "Eve, stop this." "I'll give you your file. I'll approve double the funding for you." "I've already thrown Selena out of the lab and publicly reprimanded her." "Let's go back to how we were, alright? Let's just pretend none of it happened." His tone softened, almost groveling in its plea. I pried his fingers off one by one. "Adrian, something that's been dirtied isn't worth a single glance from me." I got into the passenger seat and shut the door. Sealing off every sound of him. The car pulled away, and in the rearview mirror, Adrian ran after it for a long stretch, until he stumbled and fell in the middle of the road. I drew my eyes back and took out my phone. I left every research group and deactivated my social accounts. I pulled out the SIM card, snapped it in two, and dropped it in the car's trash bin. Three hours later, I stood on the deck of the icebreaker. The sea wind stung my face, yet for the first time I could breathe freely. The horn blared, and the massive hull pulled slowly away from the harbor. The harbor lights receded bit by bit. This time, I finally didn't look back. The countdown was over. Goodbye, Adrian.