A Promise She'll Never Keep

Colonel Rachel Melton promises me she will only stay by her first love's side during his depressive episodes 99 times. Yet, the moment I mark down the 99th time, I catch them locked in a tight embrace. After that, I no longer stand in her way when she goes to him. I only ask her for a good luck charm to serve as our child's first birthday gift. At the mention of our child, Rachel's expression softens. "When I get back, I'll make sure to give Diana a wonderful first birthday." "Okay," I murmur, completely omitting the fact that I have submitted our divorce papers ten days ago, and that our daughter died on the very day she chose to be with Todd Weber. Now, we are already divorced. Chapter 1 On the tenth day after I filed for divorce, I ran into Rachel Melton in the hospital corridor. She was helping Todd Weber walk, treating him like he was made of glass. The second Rachel saw me, her brow furrowed. "What are you doing here? Are you here to start trouble with Todd again?" She eyed me warily, her cold gaze cutting straight to the bone. Todd grabbed Rachel's hand and gave me an apologetic look. "Joel, don't get the wrong idea. Rachel just worries too much about me." As he spoke, his gaze shifted to the can of baby formula I was carrying. "I heard Diana was admitted to the hospital too. Is she okay?" Before I could answer, Rachel jumped in to reassure him. "It's probably just a mild fever. She'll be fine. Don't overthink things. You just focus on getting better." My grip tightened around the shopping bag in my hand as a bitter feeling settled in my chest. Of course. What could there possibly be to worry about? So what if Diana Cantrell, our daughter, was sick? She could never be more important to Rachel than Todd. Otherwise, how could Rachel not check on her even once when she knew full well Diana and I were in the same hospital? All she had to do was come to our daughter's room once, and she would've learned that our little girl was already gone. I gave a bitter, twisted smile and reached into my pocket, my fingers brushing against a small glass jar that had grown warm from my touch. Ever since Todd came back, Rachel had been disappearing every few days to be with him. She would say, "Todd has always been sensitive. Now that he's sick, I can't just leave him alone. What if something happens to him? Trust me. I just don't want him doing anything reckless. This doesn't mean anything." She had promised me she'd only visit him 99 times. After the 99th visit, she'd put it all behind her, and we'd go back to living our normal lives. So, every time she walked out the door to see him, I'd drop a single bean into that jar. More than a week ago, I had finally dropped in the 99th bean. But when I rushed to Rachel with Diana in my arms and hope in my heart, I was met with the sight of Todd holding Rachel tightly in his arms. She was my wife, and I was her husband. Yet there I was, standing on the sidewalk, forced to watch her share an intimate moment with another man. I walked up to them, my eyes bloodshot, and asked blankly, "What are you two doing?" Rachel jerked away from Todd like she'd touched a live wire, panic written all over her face. "Joel, don't get the wrong idea. It's not what it looks like." I opened my mouth to speak, but Todd beat me to it. "It's all my fault. I shouldn't have come between you two. I'm sorry. Rachel, you should just leave me alone from now on. Just let me die out on the streets." He then dashed into the street and was immediately clipped by a passing bicycle. Rachel's face drained of color. Without a second thought, she pushed me aside and rushed over to pull Todd into her arms. Before I could brace myself, I hit the ground hard, nearly dropping Diana in the process. A dull, throbbing pain shot up my tailbone, and Diana burst into terrified wails from the sudden jolt. "It's okay, Diana. Daddy's here…" Seeing her tiny face turn bright red from crying made me feel as though my heart was being crushed. "Honey! Rachel Melton!" Chapter 2 Fighting through the pain, I comforted Diana while calling out Rachel's name, hoping she'd look back. After pausing for a second, Rachel did eventually look back, but only to shoot me a hateful glare. "Joel Cantrell, you know Todd has depression! Why would you provoke him like that? If anything happens to him, I'll never forgive you! Consider this a lesson. Stay away from him from now on." With that, she helped Todd into a jeep and drove away. In the end, a kind passerby took pity on me. He helped me to my feet and took me to the hospital. That night, Diana's fever wouldn't come down, and she was rushed into the emergency room. My little Diana, who wasn't even a year old, left me forever on the very day Rachel chose to stay with Todd. Lying in my hospital bed, I couldn't stop replaying the moment Rachel walked away. Tears blurred my vision. I had said to myself, "Rachel, you have my word. From now on, I'll never go near you or Todd again. You're free." The memory faded, bringing me back to the present. Rachel, completely blind to how pale I was, said flatly, "If there's nothing seriously wrong with Diana, then just take her home. As a military dependent, you should know better than to take up medical resources unnecessarily." I gave a nod. "Okay." Rachel added, "I'll be staying with Todd for the next few days, so don't come looking for me unless it's important." I simply nodded again. "Alright." My total lack of reaction seemed to catch Rachel off guard for a second. Letting go of Todd's arm, she took a couple of steps toward me. "Diana… is fine, right? I'll go over and check on her once Todd is calmer." I gave a low hum in response, deliberately ignoring the jealous, resentful glare Todd was shooting me. As they brushed past me, I caught the scent on Todd. It was a faint fragrance of rosemary. That was the hair oil Rachel always used. Judging by the smell, Todd must have been holding Rachel in his arms an awful lot these past few days at the hospital. How else would her scent be completely baked into his clothes? When I got home, Marla Greenwood, our next-door neighbor, happened to be stepping outside. She was startled the moment she saw how pale I was. "Oh my! Joel, why do you look so pale?" she asked. "Did something happen? Where's Diana? Why isn't she with you?" I managed a strained smile, but I couldn't stop my eyes from welling up. So I really did look terrible, and it was obvious to people that something was off with me. Then why couldn't Rachel tell? It had been more than a week. Even just a single word of concern would have been nice. Seeing that I didn't want to talk about it, Marla dropped the subject. She just carefully helped me back home and sat me down. That evening, she brought over a huge bowl of chicken noodle soup. "Joel, with Rachel being away, you've already got enough on your plate taking care of a baby all by yourself. You can't afford to get sick too. Have some of this and get your strength back." Marla's husband was also in the military, but with a bunch of kids to raise, the money they received was never enough. They relied on trading eggs for everyday essentials just to make ends meet. I thanked her, but after she left, I just sat at the dining table, staring blankly into space. I just couldn't wrap my head around it. Why was it that even a neighbor cared enough to ask about my health and Diana right off the bat, but my own wife turned her back on me time and time again? This marriage was a complete joke. I let out a heavy sigh before carefully lifting the spoon to my lips. Just as I was about to take a sip, the gate to the yard creaked open. "Joel, I'm back." Rachel walked in carrying a few changes of clothes. I looked at her in confusion. "What are you doing back? Don't you need to stay with Todd?" Rachel set the clothes down, replying casually, "The doctor said Todd's condition isn't that serious, but I still don't feel right about it. I told him to stay in the hospital for a few more days just to be safe. I only came back to grab some daily necessities." I gave a quiet hum in response, though her words reminded me of what she had said to me just that morning. Chapter 3 Rachel had said, "If there's nothing seriously wrong with Diana, then just take her home. You should know better than to waste medical resources." So it turned out that Todd would always be the exception. I must already be dead inside because I didn't even have the energy to argue anymore. I lowered my eyes and was about to take a sip of the soup when Rachel, having finished packing her things, suddenly said, "You made chicken noodle soup? Don't eat that. Todd is weak, and that is exactly what he needs to build his strength right now." My hands tightened around the bowl. I just stared at her as I said, "Marla made this for me." Acting like she hadn't heard me, Rachel went straight to the cupboard to grab a container. "I know perfectly well how healthy you are. It won't make a difference to you whether you eat that or not. Let Todd have that soup, and I'll take you to a restaurant next time." Those familiar words dragged me back into the past once again. "Joel, I'm giving my cloth ration ticket to Todd. When I get my next paycheck, we'll use that to make clothes for Diana." "Joel, don't go to the performance tonight. Give your seat to Todd. I'll take you next time the dance troupe comes to perform." "Joel, Todd wants to meet my friends, so sit this gathering out. I'll bring you next time." "Joel…" There had been so many "next times" that I'd long since lost count. While I was lost in thought, Rachel poured the chicken noodle soup into the container. "I'm going to go now," she said halfheartedly. "Take care of yourself." As she turned to leave, the hem of her coat caught the edge of the bowl, knocking it to the floor. It shattered into countless pieces, just like my heart. "Rachel." I stopped her. I reached into my pocket and pulled out the glass jar filled with the 99 beans. "There are 99 beans now. Count them." Rachel froze, then turned around in shock. "Is there already 99 of them?" "Yeah." She set the container down, looking conflicted. I didn't say a word. I just wanted an answer. And just as I expected, Rachel only hesitated for a moment before saying, "Joel, Todd really can't be left alone right now…" There was a flicker of guilt in her eyes, but she still said, "Let's call off that agreement we had…" I lowered my gaze, a soft sigh escaping my lips. "Fine." Rachel froze, clearly in disbelief that I had given in so easily. She then threw her arms around me and said, "Joel, you're the best. Don't worry. Once Todd gets better, I'll make it up to you." I hummed in response and only made one request. "Diana's first birthday is coming up. I hope you can get a charm bracelet for her." At the mention of Diana, Rachel's expression softened. "Okay. When I get back, I'll buy our little girl the best, most beautiful charm bracelet." My pupils shook as the grief of losing Diana crashed over me all over again. "Okay." But my little Diana would never get to see it. After Rachel left, I got up and opened a drawer to pull out a neat stack of medical documents. It consisted of the first positive pregnancy test, the first prenatal checkup, and Diana's birth certificate… Whenever Rachel wasn't home at night, I would take them out and go through them again and again. They held all my anticipation and thrill of becoming a first-time dad, as well as all my hopes as a husband for our family. But now… I pulled the death certificate from my pocket and, with trembling hands, placed it on top of the pile. Tears spilled, soaking into the paper. It felt like I was saying a final goodbye. I took a deep breath and was just about to shut the drawer when Rachel's voice suddenly sounded right behind me. "What are you doing?" I hurriedly shut the drawer, wiping the tears from my eyes. Rachel walked over, her gaze fixed on the drawer. While pressing my back flat against the chest, I tried changing the subject. "Why did you come back?" Chapter 4 Rachel walked over and raised her hand. But instead of reaching for the drawer, her fingers brushed the corner of my eye. "Were you crying?" She stared blankly at the moisture on her fingertips, seemingly at a loss. With a smile, I casually said, "I'm just worried about Diana since she's sick. It just came out all of a sudden. But I'll be fine." Rachel let out a breath of relief. "Oh, good. I forgot to ask earlier—what kind of charm do you want on the bracelet? How about one with the words 'luck' and 'joy'? Things are pretty strict right now at the base, so it's probably better to keep the design simple." I froze for a second. I hadn't expected her to care so much about the details. If only she'd been this attentive before… "That sounds good," I replied. "You can decide." After hearing my answer, she nodded and turned to leave. But right before closing the door, she asked one last time, "Are you sure you're really okay?" I parted my lips, a tiny spark of hope suddenly igniting within me. "If I said I wasn't, would you stay?" Rachel fell silent for a beat, then smiled once more. "Stop messing around, Joel. Todd is still waiting for me at the hospital. Go to bed early. I'm leaving now." The door clicked shut. That was when I finally broke down, sobbing out loud. I cried for being blind enough to marry Rachel and for being pathetic enough to keep hoping, time and time again. I already knew how this would end, didn't I? That night, I packed up all my belongings. The divorce wasn't even finalized yet, but I already felt completely drained. Before going to sleep, I emptied the jar of beans into a bowl and left them to soak overnight. The next morning, I ate the bland, overcooked beans for breakfast. Just then, I received a message from Rachel. She had someone tell me the charm bracelet was already bought, and I should go to the hospital to pick it up. When I arrived, I went straight to Todd's room, but Rachel wasn't there. She had probably gone to get food. Todd smiled when he saw me. "Joel, did you come looking for Rachel for something?" I gave a tight, hollow smile. With a perfectly calm voice, I said, "I came to pick up the charm bracelet. Do you know where Rachel put it?" Todd let out an exaggerated gasp of surprise. Then, he shifted his foot, revealing the thing wrapped around his ankle. A delicate charm engraved with the words "luck" and "joy" hung from a red cord, exactly as Rachel had promised me. "You mean this? Rachel let me have it after I told her I liked it. Doesn't it look nice?" Todd wore a smug smile. For a second, I nearly lost my mind. My daughter was gone, and my wife didn't love me. All I wanted was a simple charm bracelet. I just wanted our little girl, who never made it to her first birthday, to be laid to rest with her mother's blessing. That was all I wanted… I didn't remember how I left the hospital. I only knew that by the time I got home, the light had gone out of my eyes, and I couldn't focus on anything. The moment I got back, I took out a sheet of paper and wrote down everything that needed to be done. I figured that, out of respect for the years we'd spent as husband and wife, Rachel might at least do them after I was gone. Once I was sure I hadn't forgotten anything, I grabbed my bags and walked out of the base. A guard who had just finished his shift kindly offered to carry my luggage, but I turned him down. I wanted to continue down this road by myself. Meanwhile, Rachel returned to the hospital room and set the food down. "Todd, did Joel come by while I was gone?" she asked. Todd smiled, subtly tucking his foot back under the blanket. "Nope. Nobody came." Rachel nodded, then opened the food container. "You should eat. Did you put my charm bracelet somewhere safe? I'm going home this afternoon, so I'll bring it to Joel then." Todd hummed in acknowledgment as he accepted the container. Just then, there was a knock at the door. A nurse walked in and asked, "Which one of you is Joel Cantrell's family member? The baby's death certificate is still missing a stamp."