Faraway Wilds

When college applications opened, everyone gathered around my younger twin sister, Maddison Sullivan. Our older brother, Tyler Sullivan, pointed at the top university on the list. "Obviously, you're applying to Crestview University. You'll be my little sister on campus, and I will look out for you." Our childhood friend, Brandon Carter, slid another brochure across the table. "Ignore him. Come to Kingston in Arlington instead. We can spend another four years together." Mom and Dad smiled in agreement. "Being in Arlington would be perfect. You'll have people taking care of you there, and we'll have peace of mind." Only after a long while did they remember I had taken the SAT, too. "Your score isn't as good as Maddie's. Just pick any school in Arlington." Tyler didn't even look up as he added, "That way all four of us will be in the same city. We can get together on weekends." Brandon sighed impatiently. "There's only half an hour left before submissions close. Don't be careless and forget something again." I tightened my grip on the application guide. When they played make-believe as children, Maddison was always the princess everyone rushed to rescue. Tyler was the loyal knight willing to die for her, while Brandon was the prince who would cross mountains and oceans to save her. And I was always cast as the wicked witch no one wanted. It turned out growing up hadn't changed anything at all. If no one wanted me around, then I would choose the school farthest from home. From now on, mountains and miles would stand between us. Chapter 1 When I didn't answer right away, my childhood friend, Brandon Carter, urged me on. "Maddie and I both put down Crestview University. Hurry up and pick a school in Arlington." I stared at the number on my screen. 1560. There wasn't a trace of joy in me. I'd outperformed myself on the SAT. My score was higher than every practice test I'd taken before. The two elite universities they'd just spent so long discussing? I qualified for both of them. But after the SAT ended, no one had asked how I'd done. When the scores were released, no one cared how many points I'd earned. Because the moment Maddison Sullivan walked out of the testing center, she'd burst into tears. "I don't think I performed very well this time. What if I messed everything up?" Mom and Dad told her the SAT wasn't that important anyway. If she wanted, they could always pay to send her overseas. My brother, Tyler Sullivan, waved a dismissive hand. "What's there to worry about? Big bro is here to make enough money to support you." Brandon had comforted her gently. "Maddie, no matter how badly you think you did, you'll still score higher than Ashley. "And if things really go that badly, the three of us can always retake the exam together next year. We can tutor Ashley while we're at it." In their eyes, I existed for one purpose and one purpose only: to make Maddison shine brighter. She'd inherited all the best features from our parents. She had the kind of soft, delicate beauty that made people want to spoil her the moment they saw her. Everyone who met Maddison wanted to compliment her, hug her, and kiss her. As for me, the older sister, I was average-looking. I was neither ugly nor pretty. Just forgettable. Even relatives and family friends only ever managed the same awkward compliment. "This child looks so well-behaved." When I was little, I thought being well-behaved was something worth being proud of. So when Mom and Dad bought Maddison beautiful princess dresses, I never asked for one too. When Tyler came home from school with snacks only for Maddison, I never fought for any. Even in the summer, when Maddison got the sweet center of the watermelon, and I got the rest, I never complained. Because every time I stayed quiet and gave way, Mom and Dad would look at me just a little longer. They would smile and say, "Ashley is such a good girl. She knows how to take care of her little sister." As we grew older, Maddison and Brandon took turns ranking first in the entire school. I was slower and not as smart. No matter how hard I worked, I always hovered somewhere around the top hundred. I wasn't even good enough to appear beside them on the rankings list. This time, I'd finally managed to catch up, and yet they still assumed I was the same useless Ashley Sullivan I'd always been in their eyes. I couldn't stop myself from asking, "You always said Kingston University was your dream school. Are you really not going anymore?" Brandon froze. Then he let out a scoff, as though the answer were obvious. "What's the difference between Kingston and Crestview? The important thing is where Maddie wants to go." Brandon had told me countless times that Kingston University was the school of his dreams, and yet all it took was one sentence from Maddison for him to give it up. Suddenly, even the last traces of attachment I still felt seemed laughable. Silently, I moved my cursor to the very top of the list. Then I typed into the search bar: South Coast University. It was a university on the southern edge of the country. More than 700 miles from home. Click. Submit. Confirm. Just like that. Chapter 2 After we'd finished submitting our applications, Mom and Dad each sent Maddison and me a cash gift. The moment Maddison opened hers, she wrapped herself around Mom's arm with a grin. "I knew Mom loved me the most." Then, out of habit, she turned to me. "How much did Dad send you?" I opened the transfer notification and answered flatly, "$200." Maddison lit up instantly. Even so, she still put on the act of being the thoughtful little sister. "Mom and Dad were probably worried you'd spend money recklessly, so they transferred the full $20,000 to me instead. If there's anything you want to buy later, just tell me." Mom reached over and tapped the tip of her nose affectionately. "That money is your reward for scoring 1480 on the SAT. Spend it however you want." Then she turned toward me. "As for you, I don't even want to talk about a score in the 1300s. You've always lagged behind your sister. Once you get to college, you can't afford to slack off." Maddison immediately grabbed Mom's arm and shook it. "Mom, Ashley already did amazing just getting into college. You're not allowed to nag her anymore." I probably should have hated Maddison. She shone too brightly. Brightly enough that everyone who met her couldn't help but love her more. But Maddison wasn't just possessive of every scrap of attention our parents gave me. Whenever Mom criticized me, she would defend me too, just like she was doing now. Not good enough to be obvious, not bad enough to be unforgivable. Tyler walked over with a smile, carrying two gift boxes. The pink one was for Maddison. The gray one was for me. Inside mine was an e-reader. Before I even had time to feel touched, Maddison threw her arms around Tyler excitedly. "I knew you loved me the most, Tyler! You actually bought me the newest laptop!" Brandon looked over in surprise. "That one retails for $2,800 on the official site. Did you just spend your entire internship paycheck from the last three months?" Tyler reached over and ruffled Maddison's hair. "It doesn't matter how expensive it is if it's for my little sister, does it?" But I was his sister too. So why was my graduation gift so cheap in comparison? I'd cried and asked that question too many times when I was younger. So many times that now, I didn't even have the desire to ask anymore. I slid the e-reader back into its box. Then I stood and headed toward my room. No one cared that I was leaving. Only Maddison called after me. "Ashley? What's wrong?" My footsteps paused. "I'm tired." Behind me, Tyler's annoyed voice rang out. "That's just how she is. Always walking around with that miserable expression on her face. Maddie, stop worrying about her and go try out your laptop." Brandon chuckled in agreement. "Yeah. Ashley's always been kind of weird. She's such a spoilsport." I closed the bedroom door behind me, shutting out their laughter completely. The next time I came out, it was for dinner. Mom had made an entire table full of dishes: barbecue ribs, honey garlic wings, and orange chicken. One glance at the table told me everything I needed to know. Every single dish was one of Maddison's favorites since she liked sweet food, whereas I preferred spicy food. After eighteen years of giving in, I didn't want to anymore. "Mom, can we have chili sometime?" Mom froze for a moment before frowning. "It was one thing when you were picky as a child. Why are you still so difficult now that you're grown up? "Why can't you be more like your sister? Maddie never complains about food." For a moment, I wanted to tell her that Maddison wasn't picky because Mom only ever bought and cooked the things Maddison liked. As for what I liked? Mom had never cared enough to ask. Or maybe she did know. Maybe it just wasn't important enough for her to remember. The words reached my lips before I swallowed them back down. What would have been the point? Mom would only think I was being oversensitive and that I was making a fuss over nothing. Chapter 3 After that tasteless dinner, Brandon showed up at our front door carrying two cold mango smoothies. One was for Maddison, the other was for me. Maddison took a sip and immediately gave him a thumbs-up. "You really do get me. In the middle of summer like this, cold drinks are the best." I wrapped my hands around the cup, feeling the chill seep slowly from my palms into my chest. Before Brandon met Maddison, he'd once told me he had an older brother, too—the kind of brother who was so brilliant that nobody in the family could see anyone else. Back then, I'd naïvely believed we were the same. But after he met Maddison, Brandon had said, "Maddie really is more likable than you are." Even so, I still liked him because he was the only person who remembered me while thinking about Maddison. Whenever he bought something, he always bought two of them. One for her. One for me. At some point, though, the matching gifts had quietly changed. There were still two of everything. Only now, both of them were things Maddison liked. "Ashley, what are you waiting for? Drink it before it melts." Brandon glanced at me and urged me on casually. His eyes, however, never left Maddison's smiling face. I looked at him. "Brandon, I'm allergic to mangoes. And I have stomach issues. I can't drink iced drinks." The air fell silent for a brief moment. Brandon frowned as if trying to remember. Then he answered impatiently, "Are you? I could've sworn I've seen you eat mango before. "Besides, what smoothie place doesn't serve drinks cold in the middle of summer? Do you have to be so high-maintenance?" However, the time he was talking about had been my first time eating mango. Brandon had cried while apologizing to me afterward. He'd promised he'd remember my allergy from then on. Apparently, "from then on" had only lasted three years. Tyler let out a cold snort beside us. "Ashley, are you really going to ruin everyone's mood again?" I lowered my eyes in disappointment. For the first time, I was grateful I hadn't chosen a university in Arlington. Otherwise, I would have had four more years of this. Four more years of being overlooked. Four more years of being blamed for things that had never been my fault. The next morning, Mom and Dad were heading to the Grand Regency Hotel to finalize plans for Maddison's graduation party. Downstairs outside our apartment building, I stood awkwardly beside the car. The August sun beat down on the asphalt until heat shimmered above the pavement. The skin on my arms stung beneath it. Dad looked over impatiently. "Why aren't you getting in?" "There's no room for me." His brows immediately pulled together. "You're an adult. Can't you squeeze in a little?" Mom chimed in right after him, "Maddie gets carsick. She has to sit in the front. Be reasonable." But Maddison was sitting comfortably in the passenger seat, adjusting the sun visor. Mom occupied one side of the back seat. Tyler occupied the other. Brandon sat in the middle, holding the laptop bag he'd just bought for Maddison. Not a single seat had been left for me. Even if I forced myself inside, I'd only end up curled into a corner like a stray. "There isn't room." "Then just take an Uber to the hotel. It's not far anyway." I nodded and stepped back. "You guys go ahead. I..." Before I could finish speaking, Dad slammed his foot on the gas, and the car sped away. Exhaust fumes washed over my face, leaving my nose burning. I slowly walked home alone. In the kitchen, I made myself a bowl of chili mac. Extra hot sauce. Hot enough to make my eyes sting. Still, it tasted better than anything I'd eaten all day. Afterward, I washed the bowl and wiped down the counter. My phone buzzed in my pocket. It was a voice message from Mom. The background was noisy with laughter and congratulations for Maddison. "Ashley, why aren't you here yet? Hurry up and call an Uber over. Don't keep everyone waiting." For a moment, I hovered between blocking her number and replying. In the end, I only sent two words: "Not coming." Back in my room, I started packing. I only took clothes for the current season. I could buy winter clothes after I got to South Coast University. I left everything else—including the gray e-reader—behind on my desk. Then I opened my savings jar. There was only $32 left inside. The larger bills were gone. I searched my room from top to bottom. Nothing. Where had the money gone? Just as panic was pushing me toward calling the police, my bedroom door opened. Maddison stepped inside and held up her wrist proudly. A gold bracelet gleamed beneath the light. "Pretty, isn't it? Mom bought it for me. It was so expensive, too. $5,500." The amount missing from my savings was exactly $5,500. I turned toward Mom in disbelief. "You took my money?" Chapter 4 Mom immediately lashed out. "What do you mean, your money? You live under my roof and eat my food. And now you're acting like I wronged you for taking some money? I raised you for nothing." That wasn't the same thing. If our family had really been struggling financially, I would've handed over every dollar without hesitation. But Mom had taken it for something Maddison didn't need. I raised my voice. "Taking someone else's money without asking is stealing. What you did was illegal." Tyler shot to his feet so fast his chair scraped across the floor. "Watch your mouth, Ashley! What do you mean, stealing? That's our mother you're talking about!" Brandon frowned, his voice full of the same familiar lecture he'd given me a hundred times before. "Ashley, you're overreacting. Who talks about stealing when it's family? Mrs. Sullivan probably just thought it wasn't safe for a teenage girl to keep that much cash lying around. "Besides, Maddie got into Crestview. As her sister, it's only right that you celebrate her achievement with a gift." But that money was mine. Birthday money, Christmas money, and cash gifts from relatives over the years. I'd spent eighteen years saving it, carefully putting away every dollar and never letting myself spend recklessly. I never bought the pretty dresses I wanted or any snacks. I couldn't even bring myself to order a drink most of the time. "Give it back." I stared at Mom, my eyes burning. "Give me my money back." Mom looked away guiltily but only for a moment. Soon enough, indignation replaced it. "It's already gone! The jewelry store doesn't take returns once you've left! And with scores like yours, what right do you have to keep that money anyway?" Maddison tugged gently on Mom's sleeve, her eyes red. "Mom, please don't fight with Ashley because of me… Maybe we should pawn the bracelet. I can cover the rest with my own savings." She said she would give it back, but her hands clutched the bracelet tightly against her wrist, reluctant to let go. Mom immediately stepped protectively in front of her. "Ashley, you've really gotten out of control. Go back to your room and think about what you've done. You're not coming out until I say so." Tyler stepped forward and grabbed my arm. "No! I didn't do anything wrong!" I struggled as hard as I could, but it wasn't enough. Not against a grown man. The bedroom door slammed shut behind me. I slid slowly down the door until I was sitting on the floor. Through the wood, I could hear them comforting each other. They said Mom hadn't done anything wrong and that Maddison was innocent. I was the selfish one, the one who ruined everything. But Maddison had ten times more money than I did. Maybe a hundred times more. So why did they have to hide it from me? Why did they have to force me to sacrifice for her? I curled into myself and cried until my chest hurt. For the next week, everyone ignored me as punishment for my behavior. Nobody called me for meals or invited me when they went out. They thought it would break me and that eventually I'd apologize first. But I'd spent eighteen years being ignored. I was already used to it. With a few weeks left before college started, I found a part-time job nearby. No one cared what time I left the house or when I came home. And no one noticed that I was quietly erasing myself from the house one piece at a time. My high school textbooks and notebooks all went to the recycling center. The gifts Brandon had given me over the years, along with all the study notes he'd made for me, were donated to students in remote rural communities. When my acceptance letter finally arrived, I took one last look around the house. When I was eight years old, I'd been forced to give up my bedroom and move into the tiny storage room, all because Maddison needed her own music room. The walls of our house had always been covered with Maddison's awards and certificates. Mine had been folded and shoved under a table leg to keep it from wobbling. I'd stopped wanting to stay here a long time ago. With the few belongings I still owned, I called an Uber and headed for the train station. My phone kept ringing on the way there. They were probably calling to ask where I was, trying to get me to come to Maddison's graduation party at the Grand Regency Hotel. I didn't answer a single call. That party had only ever been meant for one person: Maddison Sullivan. I didn't want to stand in the corner as the awkward background character while relatives took turns praising her. And then for someone to remember me at the very end and say, "Ashley got into college, too. That's nice." I blocked every single one of them. Then I boarded the train south. This time, I was leaving for good.