Longing Leads To Love No More

After an argument with my wife, Joan Newman, I momentarily stepped out of the car to pick up a package. When I returned, our son, Jimmy Newman, was gone. From that moment, I searched for him like a madman. Each waking hour was consumed by guilt. My mother-in-law blamed me. My mother cried herself to sleep. Joan jabbed a finger at my head and screamed, “Why are you still alive? If you don’t find our son, I’m divorcing you!” From that day forward, for four long years, I gave up my career and my life. I traveled across the country almost a hundred times searching for my son, only to be met with disappointment every single time. My body became covered in scars from self-harm. I fell into severe depression. By the hundredth trip, I could no longer summon the will to face another defeat. I swallowed an entire bottle of sleeping pills. As death closed in, I heard Joan talking to her childhood friend, Randy Kilk. “Joan, you’ve tormented him long enough. When are you going to tell Steven that the boy was never missing? I can’t wait to see the look on his face.” Joan laughed and casually said, “There’s no hurry. He forced me to abort our child, so now, he is suffering the consequences. When he finally understands his sins, I may consider telling him.” So, the inhuman torment I had endured for four years had been nothing more than her punishment. As a final tear rolled down my cheek, my soul left my body. Joan, you got exactly what you wanted. Chapter 1 I died in Jimmy’s nursery. I had wanted to stay as close to him as possible. Joan opened the bedroom door. When she found me absent, she assumed I had not come home yet. She turned and took Randy by the hand. Then, he pulled him down onto our bed. With an indifferent tone, she said, “He probably fell for another swindler’s tale and ran off to some godforsaken wilderness.” Randy laughed loudly. “It’s not even the first time. I’ve never seen anyone so gullible. He believes everything every fraudster tells him. I remember that time he ran off into the mountains and nearly did not make it back. When the police finally found him, his clothes had been torn to pieces. He was standing there with a knife in his hand, completely out of his mind. Three men were lying on the ground beside him. Nobody ever found out what happened.” As soon as he said that, Joan’s expression darkened. She shoved him away coldly. Realizing he had misspoke, Randy immediately wrapped an arm around her neck and pressed a kiss to her skin. “I’ll stop. Joan, it’s been so long since we last did it.” Joan reversed their positions and pinned him beneath her. Her lips curled into a mischievous smile. “Don’t mistake this for jealousy. I just find him pitiful. Had he only turned a blind eye back then, I would never have treated him like this. But he has blood on his hand. Those sins are his to bear. He has no one to blame but himself.” After that, their clothes fell to the floor. Upon that very bed where we had made love countless times, they lost themselves in each other. I had thought death would leave me incapable of feeling pain, yet my heart ached like it had been stabbed. She was the one who had hugged me tightly and begged me that year. No matter how I tried to push her away, she would not let go. “Steven, please don’t leave me. I was drunk that night. I thought he was you. I’ll get an abortion. Please believe me.” When I refused to forgive her and insisted on getting a divorce, Joan had panicked. She even dragged Randy before me and made him apologize to me. Then, she underwent the abortion herself. In the end, I caved in. After months of struggling with the decision, I chose to forgive her. The price I paid was four years of being played for a fool. Their muffled moans continued late into the night. Breathless and spent, Joan finally seemed to remember me. She frowned and glanced toward the front door. “Where on earth is Steven? If he’s not coming home, the least he could do is send a message.” With that, she dialed my number. After a few seconds of dead silence, a ringtone echoed through the house. Joan went rigid. Her gaze shot straight to Jimmy’s nursery. Chapter 2 A flicker of secret pleasure crossed Randy’s lips. He feigned alarm and said, “When did Steven come back? Do you think he heard us?” Joan dressed hastily and walked toward the nursery. I followed them and watched with cold detachment as she hesitated to open the door. Finally, with a soft creak, the door swung open. She walked to the bedside. I lay beneath the quilt. My entire body was curled into a tight ball. Joan’s face cycled between pale and flushed. She assumed I was giving her the silent treatment. “Steven, since you’ve found out, there is no point hiding it anymore. Yes, I was the one who took Jimmy. But this all started because of you.” She glanced at me and paused before continuing. “As long as you don’t make a big deal out of it, we could still make this marriage work.” Silence filled the room for dozens of seconds. Joan’s expression soured further. She snorted. “Oh, so now you are pretending to be dead? Fine. Let us see how long you can keep this up.” I watched her furious outburst with cold indifference. Whatever I had once felt for her was gone. I found myself wondering what expression she would wear when she finally realized she had been standing beside a corpse. Joan slammed the door and left, but she returned before long, leading a four-year-old child by the hand. My eyes widened instantly. I recognized him at once. He was my son, Jimmy. His eyes were identical to mine. Tears spilled from my eyes. I rushed forward to embrace him, but my arms passed through his small body. Joan sounded almost pleased with herself as she dropped the child onto the bed. “I’ve been keeping him at my mother’s house this whole time. Now, I’ve brought him back. Happy?” With that, she left again with Randy. What a monster. That woman was a monster. How could she abandon a four-year-old child there alone? The dark room was silent. Jimmy began to cry in fear. It broke my heart. I swallowed my anguish and tried to soothe him. “It’s okay, Jimmy. I’m right here.” I was a fool. How could the living ever hear the voice of the dead? Jimmy curled up beside me. He wept until exhaustion carried him into sleep. I watched him with a heart full of love. Bitter tears streamed down my face. He must have been so frightened and so hungry. Even in his sleep, pain was etched across his little face. I stayed by his side all night. The next morning, Jimmy sat up groggily. His young voice quavered with panic. “Grandma, where are you? I’m hungry.” He rubbed his swollen eyes and cast a timid glance at my corpse beside him. After a long hesitation, he asked in a soft voice, “Mister, could you get up and find me something to eat? I promise I’ll be good. I only need a little food.” When no answer came, disappointment filled his face. He climbed off the bed. Then, he spotted the bottle on the floor. I panicked. They were my sleeping pills. A few tablets still remained. My spirit lurched in terror. Jimmy’s face lit up with joy. “Candy!” He tipped the pills into his palm and turned to look at me. With a pleading little smile, he said, “Mister, I will only take three. I’m really hungry.” Without waiting, he shoved them into his mouth. “No!” I screamed in desperation. I lunged to stop him, but my hands passed through him. The next moment, the door crashed open. Joan stood in the frame. The moment she saw what Jimmy was doing, her eyes widened in horror. She sprinted across the room and shoved her fingers into his mouth. “Spit them out! Spit them out right now!” Jimmy burst into terrified sobs. “Please don’t hit me! I’m sorry, Mommy! I won’t do it again!” After she was certain every pill was out of his mouth, the color returned to her face. She turned to look at me. Her eyes were filled with disgust. Before she could speak, Randy stepped forward and leveled his accusation at me first. “Steven, this is unbelievably irresponsible. Jimmy is only four years old. You could’ve gotten him killed. I know you are angry that Joan took him away, but you can’t take your frustration out on Jimmy.” He heaped his insults upon me without restraint while Joan watched in cold silence. Had they drawn closer, they might have taken notice of my skin, dry and waxy, and the faint odor beginning to rise from my flesh. Yet disappointingly, after standing there for three minutes, Joan picked up Jimmy and walked out of the room. She took Jimmy out for lunch, but throughout the meal, she seemed distracted. Joan unlocked her phone and stared at the screen. It had been nearly two days since I had last spoken to her. For reasons she could not explain, a rare sense of unease began creeping into her chest. I had never given her the silent treatment. I had once told her, “When something goes wrong, I won’t run from it. I’d rather face it head-on and deal with it.” Even when I caught her cheating, when I was completely shattered, I had never backed away from a confrontation. Suddenly, something seemed to click in Joan’s mind. Maybe something had really happened to me. She shot to her feet and muttered under her breath, “No, something’s wrong.” She prepared to rush back home. Chapter 3 However, Randy suddenly said, “I saw Steven get up and eat yesterday.” Joan froze for a moment before turning around. She asked, “He got up yesterday?” Randy nodded and looked uncomfortable. “Yeah. I even tried talking to him, but he ignored me. He told me to get out and everything.” Joan’s expression immediately darkened. She snorted and sat back down. “I knew it. He’s been pretending to be ill. Looks like all that talk about loving his son has been an act. He nearly got Jimmy killed.” Floating above them, I could only let out a bitter laugh. Far from faking an illness, I was dead. As I watched the triumphant smile tug at Randy’s lips, I found myself wondering whether he would still be able to smile when the truth finally came out. I drifted back home and spent several more hours keeping watch over my own body. My phone suddenly rang. It was my mother. After two days without hearing from me, she must have sensed that something was wrong. She called three times in a row. Finally, the ringing stopped. Just as I expected, less than half an hour later, she arrived. Her breathing was ragged. Her face was pale with worry. She headed straight for the master bedroom. “Steven? Steven?” When she did not find me there, she checked the guest room. Then, she opened the door to the nursery. “Ahh! Steven!” A heart-wrenching scream shattered the silence. What happened next was almost too painful for me to watch. Mom sobbed uncontrollably as she pulled my body into her arms and rocked back and forth. “How could you leave me? How am I supposed to go on without you?” Hours later, Mom took me away. The door opened again that evening. Joan stumbled inside, reeking of alcohol. She shoved Randy’s supporting hand away and marched straight toward the nursery. “Steven, how much longer are you going to keep up this ridiculous act of playing dead?” The words died on her lips. She froze. The bed was empty. I was gone. A strange pang shot through her chest. Then, she scoffed. “So, you finally gave up the act and ran away from home? Fine. Leave. Don’t ever come back.” She returned to the living room and dropped heavily onto the couch. Randy curled his lip in disgust. “Running off is one thing, but did he have to leave the house smelling like that? It’s making me sick.” Joan seemed not to hear him at all. As if she suddenly remembered something, she walked into the bedroom and yanked open the closet doors. All of my clothes were still there, untouched. Instantly, she let out a sigh of relief. “I thought he had developed some pride. He didn’t even take his clothes with him. This is just another stunt to make me come begging for him to come back. Well, dream on.” With her mind at ease, she even let Randy move in. “Since he doesn’t care about this home, let’s see how long he can keep this up.” I watched it all with cold detachment as my spirit drifted silently through the rooms. Over the next few days, Joan spent her time partying and showing up at public events with Randy at her side. However, instead of becoming happier, she grew increasingly irritable and withdrawn. Finally, on the seventh day after my disappearance, she could no longer take it. She brought Jimmy back home. Opening our chat history, she shoved the phone toward him and ordered him to call for “Daddy.” Jimmy was so frightened that he could not speak. Joan’s face darkened. She yelled in anger, “Say it! Are you deaf? I told you to call your father! Didn’t you hear me?” Jimmy’s fear finally overwhelmed him. He burst into tears. Rage consumed me. I wanted nothing more than to tear her apart with my bare hands. Jimmy was only four years old. She would stop at nothing just to torment me. “Daddy... Daddy...” After getting what she wanted, she sent the audio clip. “Steven, do you still want your son or not? What kind of father just sits back and lets his child cry like this?” Randy walked over and wrapped his arms around her. His voice was gentle as he said, “Don’t be upset, Joan. He’s so heartless, so why do you still care about him? Someone like him doesn’t deserve to be a father.” Joan remained silent for a long time. Her eyes stayed fixed on her phone, which remained as quiet as ever. At last, she could not take it anymore. She called me. She called three times in a row. Nothing changed. No one answered. Smash! Joan hurled the phone against the wall and shattered it. Chapter 4 Randy was startled. He was unable to grasp why she had flown into such a fury. His voice trembled slightly as he tried to calm her down. “Joan, Jimmy is right here. Don’t get so worked up. If it comes to it, you can divorce him. It’s not worth getting upset over him.” The word “divorce” seemed to strike a nerve. Joan’s eyes instantly turned bloodshot. Then, unexpectedly, she laughed. “Divorce? Wouldn’t that be letting him off too easily?” She took a deep breath and bent down to pick up her phone. Its screen had shattered into a web of cracks. She called my mother. After what felt like an eternity of ringing, my mother finally answered at the very last moment. Before she could say a word, Joan blurted out impatiently, “Reese, where is Steven? I need to talk to him.” My mother’s voice was hoarse. Each word seemed to claw its way out of her throat. “You monster. You’ll never see him again. I hope you’re happy now.” Joan froze. She did not understand what my mother meant. Before she could ask, my mother hung up on her. Joan’s face flushed with anger. She cursed under her breath. Then, she opened our chat and furiously typed a message. [Steven, is this really what you want? Fine. You win. Get back here. I’ll give you the divorce you want!] There was no reply. The moment Randy saw the word “divorce,” he could barely contain his excitement. Grinning from ear to ear, he rushed into the bedroom to gather the IDs. However, when he came running back out, he saw Joan scoop up the still-sobbing Jimmy and bolt out the door. “Joan, where are you going? Joan!” Joan did not look back. She stomped on the accelerator. I drifted into the back seat beside Jimmy. Fury burned within me. “You crazy woman. Where are you racing off to? Have you no fear of an accident? Don’t you care for Jimmy’s safety?” It did not take long for me to realize where she was headed. Joan stood outside my mother’s house, panting. She pounded on the front door with savage fury. “Steven, open the door! I know you’re in there! Stop hiding like a coward. If you have something to say, say it to my face!” A moment later, the door creaked open. Someone stepped out. The anger had not even faded from Joan’s face before terror washed over her, leaving her frozen in place.