Notes from a Broken Future

Four years of secretly living with Joshua Horton behind our parents' backs. Then a new sticky note showed up on our wish wall. [After living with Nellie all these years, I'm trapped. Marrying her is just a way to make our mess look legit. If I could do it over, I never would've moved in.] Signed: [Joshua] But the date was six years from now. Joshua had put up that wall himself the day we moved in. Over the years, I'd covered it with tiny wishes. He'd made every one come true. Only two notes were his. The first said: [When we graduate, I'm marrying you! Nellie, you have to stay with me!] He wrote that four years ago. The other came from six years in the future. Graduation was one week away. Out of those two promises, I could only help him keep one. Chapter 1 I stared at the note until my vision went blurry. Then I finally accepted it. It was Joshua's handwriting. The end of the 'N' in Nellie always curled upward. It matched the first note exactly. I still remembered the look in his eyes the day he asked me to move in with him. The second I said yes, he'd cried and sworn he'd marry me after graduation. For four years, we'd lived together behind our parents' backs. And for four years, I'd been counting down to graduation. Just a month ago, his birthday wish had been to walk me down the aisle. So how could he have meant any of this? How could there have been even a hint of regret? I tore the note off the wall. It wasn't April Fool's Day. Still, I told myself it had to be a prank. Graduation was close. Our promised day was getting closer. He must've seen how nervous I'd been and left that stupid joke this morning to calm me down. I pulled out my phone and was about to text him. [Not funny at all.] But my hand was shaking too hard. I opened his social media by mistake. The first thing I saw was a photo of a gorgeous girl with long golden curls. Caption: [Mona Lisa.] Joshua was an art student. Once, I asked him, "They say every artist has their own Mona Lisa. What about you? Who's yours?" I already knew the answer. He smiled, nipped my cheek, and said exactly what I wanted to hear. "Obviously you. My Mona Lisa." But my hair was straight and black. I tried to open the photo for a closer look. Instead, I accidentally refreshed the page. The post vanished. I told myself he'd probably uploaded the wrong photo and deleted it. But all afternoon, his account stayed quiet. On impulse, I searched for his profile from an alternate account. That's when I found out he had ten public posts. The photo wasn't gone. He'd hidden it from me. I sat alone in the living room, staring at my phone. Part of me wanted to screenshot it and demand an explanation. Before I could decide, the front door opened. Joshua walked in with his arms full of grocery bags. When he spotted me, he stopped. "Weren't you supposed to be at your hospital rotation tonight? I thought you weren't coming home." I was about to tell him I'd traded shifts with a classmate. Then a head peeked out from behind him. "Your girlfriend's home? Maybe I shouldn't come in." The girl had long golden curls. Her eyes landed on me. Joshua stepped aside and pulled a pair of pink slippers from the shoe rack. The new pair we'd bought two days ago. I hadn't even worn them yet. He slipped on the matching blue pair. Then he carried the groceries into the kitchen and started washing vegetables. "This is my classmate, Gwen Moorey. She fought with her family. Her ID's still at school, and the dorm's locked. She had nowhere else to go, so she's staying at our place tonight." Our place. But he hadn't asked before bringing another girl here. Gwen slipped into my slippers and walked in with a smile, holding out her hand. "Sorry. I only came because I thought you weren't home. "If I'd known, I never would've crashed your alone time. "You're not mad, right?" Her smile was way too bright. I pressed my dry lips together and looked at Joshua. "Didn't we agree not to bring anyone else here?" Joshua kept his head down, cleaning the red shrimp. "She's staying one night. Why are you making it a thing? You stayed at my house for years, didn't you? I figured you'd understand special circumstances." My heart dropped. I hadn't expected him to compare this to the years I'd spent living at his family's house. Then I saw the shrimp in his hands. Three days ago, I'd said I wanted some. He told me they were too expensive. We'd already blown through the month's budget. Maybe another time. But today he'd bought a whole bag. Joshua didn't even eat shrimp. It was pretty obvious who they were for. My phone suddenly rang. Mom. I already knew why she was calling. She wanted me to come home and meet the guy she'd picked out for me. Chapter 2 I declined the call. A second later, Mom texted. [You graduate in one week. You said if you weren't married by then, you'd let me set you up.] [Think it over. Then call me back.] After I started college, Mom never got over the average school I'd ended up at. She believed it happened because I hadn't followed her plan. So, to stop me from ruining the rest of my life, she decided to arrange my marriage. She'd brought it up a million times over the past four years. And I'd said no every time. But Joshua's parents didn't allow dating while he was in school. So we hid everything from our families. Our relationship. Our apartment. Of course, I never dared tell Mom I already had a boyfriend. Or that we'd promised to get married after graduation. I'd been so sure I would marry Joshua. So when Mom said, "If you're still not married after graduation, you'll do what I say," I'd agreed like it was nothing. Gwen had already slipped into the kitchen and taken her place beside Joshua. She eyed the shrimp, made a face, and ducked behind him. "Those things are creepy." Joshua laughed. "And yet you love eating them. I already borrowed against next month's allowance to buy these, so you'd better finish them." Only then did he seem to remember I was there. He glanced up and smiled. "Didn't you say you wanted shrimp the other day? This works for you too." That's what he said. But when we sat down to eat, he peeled shrimp one after another and dropped them onto Gwen's plate. "Her hands are too important for painting," he explained. "She can't peel them without making a mess. It's easier if I do it." He peeled a few for me too. The smallest ones. That night, Joshua gave his room to Gwen. And squeezed into mine. Even though we'd been living together, we'd rented a two-bedroom apartment. Joshua was big on privacy. He always said that no matter how close two people were, they still needed their own space. His room was filled with paintings that meant a lot to him. I'd been strictly off-limits for four years. I hadn't stepped inside once. Yet a classmate staying for one night was sleeping there. Lying beside me, he wrapped an arm around my waist. "When are we going to tell our families about us?" I asked. "Later." He pulled me closer and buried his face in my neck. "We've got a few more days until graduation. We've already waited four years. What's a little longer?" I thought about the note I'd seen that morning. And realized he was dodging the question. My throat tightened. In the end, I couldn't say a word. The next morning, I woke to something clattering in the kitchen. Joshua was still asleep. I stepped out and found Gwen pacing around in there. She was wearing the pajama set that matched mine. When she saw me, she froze. "You two are so cute, buying matching pajamas. I didn't bring clothes, and I couldn't exactly sleep naked. You're way smaller than me, so yours wouldn't fit. I just borrowed one of Joshua's sets. Don't be jealous." She was right. I was way smaller than her. A car accident when I was little had left me weak. No matter how well I ate after that, I never got strong. I was barely five-three. Gwen, though, had the kind of figure people noticed. And she was at least half a head taller than me. As she talked, she filled a bowl with cream soup and handed it over. "I didn't want to crash here for free, so I made breakfast. Try it." Before I could answer, she shoved the bowl into my hands. I reached out on instinct. The bowl hit the floor and shattered. Then came a sharp cry. Joshua rushed out of the bedroom. Straight to Gwen. A few red spots dotted the back of her hand where the soup had splashed. His face went tight with panic. "How could you be so careless? Don't you know how important your hands are?" He grabbed her wrist and headed for the door. Before leaving, he threw one line back at me. "I'm taking her to the hospital to get that burn treated." He saw the few red marks on her hand. But not the scalding soup covering mine. As a med student, my hands were everything. I walked to the sink, turned on the faucet, and shoved my hand under the cold water. Pain ripped through me. Like my skin was being stripped away. But it cleared my head. Completely. Ignoring the burn, I called my mom. "That guy you wanted me to marry... "Set it up." Chapter 3 Thirty full minutes passed. When the pain finally eased, I grabbed the first-aid kit and carefully rubbed burn cream over my hand. Then I looked up. Another note had appeared on the wish wall. [When Nellie asked what I wanted for my birthday, I almost said divorce. But then I thought about the school she gave up for me and all the years she wasted on me, so I said the same wish as always.] [I'll make my real wish here instead.] [I hope I can be there whenever Gwen needs me.] [She once lost a baby because of me. Call it wrong. Call it shameful. I don't care.] [She's the love I've kept hidden outside my marriage.] [Meeting her was the luckiest thing that ever happened to me.] Still Joshua's handwriting. And the date was still six years in the future. I tore the note off the wall and stared at it. Blankly. At twenty-two, his birthday wish had been to marry me. At twenty-eight, it was a divorce. The only reason he couldn't say it out loud was guilt. My grades should've gotten me into a top school. After the SATs, Joshua came to my room to confess. He cried and said he couldn't stand the thought of us being apart. To keep up with me, he'd worked his ass off and gotten into an art school with his portfolio. I'd been living with his family since middle school. For six years, we'd been practically attached at the hip. And like any couple in love, neither of us wanted long distance. So I chose a medical college right across the street from his art school. I never imagined it would become the choice he'd spend the rest of his life regretting. I looked at the cream soup splattered across the floor. And finally, it hit me. His heart hadn't changed six years from now. It had already changed. Already rotted. I just hadn't seen it. *** Joshua came home alone. By then, it was already dark. When he saw me on the couch, all he said was, "I already ate." Then he went straight to his room. I sat there, staring at the closed door. Finally, I decided to talk to him. But the second I reached his door, I heard his video call with his mom, Melinda. "Mom, stop making stuff up. What girlfriend? "...The blonde? "...That was just a dare after I lost a game. You're reading into it." Melinda didn't sound convinced. "A girl that pretty? Even if you were dating her, you wouldn't have to hide it from us. The only reason I told you not to date before graduation was because I was scared you'd fall for Nellie." Joshua sounded confused. "You banned me from dating because of Nellie? Why? Don't you like her? You always said you wished she was your daughter." Melinda sighed. "Nellie's a good girl. I watched her grow up. But she can only be a daughter to me, not a daughter-in-law. "With a mother like hers, I can't help worrying about her character. "Anyway, as long as you don't like her." My hands and feet went cold. Then the doorbell rang. I snapped out of it and hurried back to my room. Why was I hiding? I didn't know. The doorbell rang again. Joshua came out and answered it. It was Gwen. Her voice was thick with alcohol. "Joshua, let's do it." Joshua lowered his voice. "Knock it off. Did you lose another dare?" He clicked his tongue. "You lost a dare yesterday and ended up at my place. My girlfriend almost got the wrong idea, and I barely talked my way out of it. Stop screwing around." But Gwen sounded completely serious. "That's right. I lost another game. "The dare was to sleep with the person I like. If they reject me, I have to do it with someone I hate. "Joshua, I like you. "Whether you reject me or not is up to you." Silence. It stretched on so long I started to think Joshua was going to reject her. Gwen seemed to think so too. "Fine. I get it. I won't bother you anymore. "I'll go find that fat guy who's been following me around campus." The door opened. Then slammed shut. Joshua's voice was sharp with anger. "Are you serious? You're really willing to throw yourself away over some stupid dare?" Gwen's voice softened. "Then are you saying yes?" Right then, my phone chimed. A new message. The hallway outside went completely silent.