His Heart Begged, His Hands Destroyed

At another Sunday dinner at the Bellandi estate, Luca Bellandi's assistant, Ava Marino, was sitting in my seat. It was the first chair to Luca's right at the long walnut table, the seat everyone in Chicago's underworld knew belonged to Mrs. Bellandi. Ava sat there as if she had been born into it, her pale wrist brushing Luca's sleeve while she poured his wine. I stood in the doorway and looked at him. "She's in my seat. You don't have anything to say?" Luca raised his eyes. "You were late. Don't blame someone else for sitting down first. There are empty chairs over there. Sit if you want. If not, get out." The dining room went dead quiet, and before I could answer, his thoughts slipped into my ears. [Vivi, don't go. Come sit beside me. Tell them it's your seat. Tell me you still want to be my wife.] [Please get mad. Please care. Say you need me, and I'll give you the whole world.] In the past, those soft, trembling thoughts would have been enough. I would've swallowed the insult and stayed beside him like a loyal dog that didn't know when to leave. This time, I didn't. I slipped the wedding ring off my finger and laid it on the table. "If the Bellandi family can't even keep a wife's seat for me, then I guess this family doesn't need a wife anymore. Luca, let's get divorced." Chapter 1 At another Sunday dinner at the Bellandi estate, Luca Bellandi's assistant, Ava Marino, was sitting in my seat. It was the first chair to Luca's right at the long walnut table, the seat everyone in Chicago's underworld knew belonged to Mrs. Bellandi. Ava sat there as if she had been born into it, her pale wrist brushing Luca's sleeve while she poured his wine. I stood in the doorway and looked at him. "She's in my seat. You don't have anything to say?" Luca raised his eyes. "You were late. Don't blame someone else for sitting down first. There are empty chairs over there. Sit if you want. If not, get out." The dining room went dead quiet, and before I could answer, his thoughts slipped into my ears. [Vivi, don't go. Come sit beside me. Tell them it's your seat. Tell me you still want to be my wife.] [Please get mad. Please care. Say you need me, and I'll give you the whole world.] In the past, those soft, trembling thoughts would have been enough. I would've swallowed the insult and stayed beside him like a loyal dog that didn't know when to leave. This time, I didn't. I slipped the wedding ring off my finger and laid it on the table. "If the Bellandi family can't even keep a wife's seat for me, then I guess this family doesn't need a wife anymore. Luca, let's get divorced." ... Luca's face went white. Old Mr. Bellandi set down his cigar, Mrs. Bellandi froze, and even Ava raised a brow as if I had just told a bad joke. Six years. I had been Luca Bellandi's wife for six years, and everyone knew I was the only one who could calm the ruthless, sharp-tongued Don of Chicago. When he mocked me in public, I heard him think, [Vivi, I don't mean it. I'm just scared you'll ignore me.] When he told me to leave, I heard, [Don't go. I need you.] When he slammed doors, I heard my name behind them, soft and helpless. So I softened. Again and again, I turned back. After a while, the Bellandis got used to it. Mrs. Bellandi even laughed once and said, "A difficult man needs a wife who can't be chased away." They forgot that even a woman who couldn't be chased away could get tired. "Vivian." Mrs. Bellandi came over and took my hand, her voice careful. "Are you in a bad mood? You know Luca. He has a hard mouth and a soft heart." Old Mr. Bellandi frowned. "This is a family dinner. The Capos are here. Divorce isn't something you throw around because you're upset. Put the ring back on." I laughed under my breath. "So you do know this is a family dinner." I looked at Ava. "Then when did she become family?" Ava stood in a black satin dress with the Bellandi silver rose pinned to her neckline. That pin belonged to blood relatives, core members, and the Don's wife. "Vivian, I only came because Luca needed me to explain the South Harbor ledgers," she said. "I didn't know the chair mattered that much." Luca shot to his feet, his chair scraping the floor. "Enough. How long are you going to embarrass yourself? You want a divorce? Fine. Get out. The Bellandi family doesn't need a woman who only knows how to make trouble." His words cut like a blade, but his thoughts slammed into my chest with a different kind of pain. [No. Vivi, don't say divorce. You promised you'd stay with me. You're only trying to scare me, right? If I get angry, you'll come hug me like before.] I had lived with that split for ten years. When I met Luca, he had just survived seven days in a rival family’s basement. After he came back, Luca stopped believing anyone would stay for him. He couldn’t say what he felt, couldn’t let people touch him, and used cruel words to push away anyone who came close. Everyone feared him. I was the only one who could hear him. When he said, "Stay away," I heard, [Please don't be scared of me.] When he threw away the cake I baked, I heard, [I want it. I just don't know how to say thank you.] I pitied him and thought that made me special. Four years knowing him, six years married to him. I watched him become Chicago's youngest and coldest Don. He learned to smile at enemies and treat outsiders with patience, but with me, he stayed cruel. I used to bear it because I could hear his heart. Then Ava came. Ava Marino was the younger sister of his dead underboss, pretty, clever, and good with the Bellandi harbor books. Luca personally brought her into the South Harbor office. He never spent my birthday with me, yet he booked a rooftop restaurant for Ava's. I had liked an emerald brooch for half a year; he bought it at auction and pinned it on her gown. When I had a fever, he sent medicine through a driver. When Ava said her wrist hurt, he drove across half the city himself. Every time, his thoughts still said he loved me. [Vivi, get jealous. Tell me you don't like me being with her. Say one word, and I'll stop seeing her.] But he never once left Ava on his own. Tenderness trapped inside a man's head wasn't tenderness. Love that never became action wasn't love. I looked at Luca's pale lips and nodded. "Fine. I'll get out." Chapter 2 I turned for the door. Mrs. Bellandi called after me, and Old Mr. Bellandi ordered someone to stop me, but no one dared touch me. Only Luca caught my wrist in a few long strides. His palm was ice-cold, his grip hard enough to bruise. [Vivi, are you really angry? I was wrong. I shouldn't have let Ava sit there. Look at me, please. Don't leave me. If you leave, I won't know how to breathe.] My heart trembled. For ten years, every time his heart cried out, I forgot I was bleeding too. Then his mouth dragged me back to reality. "You want to leave?" Luca glanced at my heels and sneered. "Take off the shoes. I bought them." I went still. The ivory heels on my feet were old now, the soles worn and the heels repaired twice. I still couldn't throw them away. On our wedding day, Luca never told me I looked beautiful. After the reception, he left those shoes outside our bedroom and acted as if he didn't care whether I noticed. Back then, I heard him think, [Vivi, do you see them? I had them made in Italy. My bride should wear the prettiest shoes and walk wherever she wants. I hope you're loved well for the rest of your life. I hope I'm the one who gets to love you.] Because of those words, I treasured them for six years. Now he wanted them back. I crouched, unbuckled the straps, and set the shoes in front of him. The floor was cold under my bare feet. "Fine. They're yours." Luca's face darkened, but his eyes slowly turned red. Mrs. Bellandi hurried forward. "Vivian, don't take him seriously. He'd never make you leave barefoot. He just doesn't know how to ask you to stay." Before she finished, Luca picked up the heels and threw them into the fireplace. Flames swallowed the pearl buckles. "You wore them for six years and only returned them now," he said softly. "They're dirty." Something heavy hit my chest. For six years, I had cleaned, repaired, and protected those shoes. To him, they were old things he could burn on a whim. His thoughts panicked. [Vivi, you're crying. You still care, right? Say you didn't mean it. Tomorrow I'll fill your closet with every pair you want. Anything you want, I'll give you.] I looked into the fire and suddenly felt tired. No matter how many beautiful shoes he bought, none of them would be that first pair. No matter how soft his thoughts were, they couldn't undo the fire he had lit. I walked out of the Bellandi estate barefoot. Wet gravel cut into my feet, the guards lowered their eyes, and no one followed. Behind me, Ava's fake concern drifted out. "Luca, are you really not going after her? She looks heartbroken." Luca scoffed. "Why would I? Give her half an hour. She'll come crawling back for forgiveness." I didn't look back. He didn't know I was truly leaving. Aurelia Shipping had offered me a transfer to New York, and I had planned to tell him tonight, maybe ask if he wanted to start over with me somewhere else. Now there was nothing to discuss. My flight was tomorrow. This time, I wouldn't come back begging. Chapter 3 By the time I returned to our lakeside apartment, my feet were full of tiny cuts. I sat on the bathroom tiles and washed them with alcohol. The sting burst under my skin, but after enough pain, a person learned not to flinch. When I finished bandaging my feet, I looked around the home I had lived in for six years. There had once been my curtains, my white roses, and the floor lamp Luca and I found at a flea market. Now Ava's rabbit statue sat in the living room, her chosen ties hung in the closet, and the bedroom smelled like her cedar diffuser. Every time I said it made me uncomfortable, Luca would lean back and say, "Vivian, don't be petty. She's just my assistant." Yet whenever I got jealous, satisfaction flickered in his eyes, as if my pain fed his fear. As he wished, I finally stopped being petty. I was giving away the title of Mrs. Bellandi too. I opened my suitcase and packed the few things that were truly mine: my passport, my documents, a few plain outfits, and my mother's emerald bracelet. It was the only thing she had left me. After my family went bankrupt, my mother sold every last symbol of dignity to pay off our debts. The bracelet had come from my grandmother, and on her deathbed my mother still wanted it back. Later, Luca found the buyer and spent thirty million dollars at a private auction to bring it home. He fastened it around my wrist himself and said, "Stop crying. You look awful." But what I heard was, [Vivi, I brought back what your mother left you. From now on, I'll protect you in her place.] So even if I took nothing else from this marriage, I had to take that bracelet. Just as I closed the suitcase, the door opened. Luca came in smelling of whiskey, his black shirt open at the throat, half his weight leaning on Ava's shoulder. Ava held him like a hostess bringing her husband home. When he saw my suitcase, he let go of her at once. His pupils tightened. [Vivi, you're packing? You're really leaving? I was wrong. I shouldn't have taken Ava to dinner. I only wanted you jealous. I only wanted to know you still loved me. Don't go. Please don't go.] Panic filled his eyes, but his voice came out cold. "Think carefully, Vivian. If you leave me, plenty of women would kill to be Mrs. Bellandi. But once you leave me, who the hell is going to want a woman like you?" I looked at him and laughed softly. "Then go find one of those women." Luca's fists tightened. The next second, as if I had shoved him past reason, he put an arm around Ava's waist. "Fine. I'll marry Ava. She's smart, sweet, and useful. She can handle the South Harbor books. Most importantly, she won't be like you, six years as Mrs. Bellandi and still unable to give me a child." My breath stopped. Everyone knew children were the wound no one should touch. Six years ago, Luca had a trauma episode and ran into the rain. I went after him and fell into the freezing lake by the docks. I survived, but pregnancy became almost impossible. I drank endless medicine, went through five rounds of IVF, and cried through too many nights. Luca knew better than anyone. Still, he aimed the sharpest knife at the place that hurt most. My eyes burned. "Luca, you're a bastard." Panic crossed his face, and he almost stepped toward me, but Ava slid her arm through his and sighed. "Vivian, Luca isn't exactly wrong. The Bellandi family needs an heir. Any other man would've given up on this marriage years ago, but Luca endured it for six years. Now you're asking for divorce and moving out? That's a little selfish, don't you think?" Luca stopped. I watched the panic in his eyes sink under familiar coldness. He believed Ava again, or maybe in that moment, Ava simply mattered more. She could steady the South Harbor books and a room full of Capos. If she got scratched, he worried about the family. If my heart was ripped open, he called me difficult. "Looks like I've spoiled you too much," Luca said. He seized my suitcase and ripped the zipper apart. Clothes, documents, and medicine bottles spilled across the floor, and his gaze landed on the emerald bracelet at the bottom. My face went cold. "Don't touch it." Luca picked up the bracelet and looked down at me. "Need me to remind you? I paid thirty million dollars for this." Chapter 4 I remembered the night six years ago. Luca had placed the bracelet in my palm as if closing a business deal. "The man who had it asked for a lot." I cried so hard I couldn't speak. When I asked how I was supposed to repay him, he looked down at me with a cold mouth and impossibly soft eyes. "Then pay me back with yourself." [Vivi, marry me. I don't know how to give you a home, but I'll learn. I brought back what your mother left behind. From now on, I'll protect you too.] He used that bracelet in place of a proposal ring. I once thought it was the clumsiest and truest confession of his life. Now he held the same bracelet and said, "I gave it to you because you were my wife. If you want a divorce, you won't be Mrs. Bellandi anymore. What right do you have to take it? You can't seriously think you're still worth thirty million dollars, Vivian." One sentence crushed my pride. I dug my nails into my palm and forced my voice steady. "I'll pay you back. I'll find a way to get thirty million." "You think I need your money?" Luca snapped. [I need you to stay. I just can't let you take it and leave. If you leave with it, you'll never come back. Vivi, I'm scared.] But his hand had already closed around Ava's wrist. He clasped the emerald bracelet on her, the same way he had done for me six years ago. Ava lifted her wrist and admired it. From an angle Luca couldn't see, she shaped the words with her lips. "A dead woman's trinket. How unlucky." Something exploded in my head. That was the only thing my mother had left me. I rushed forward, trembling. "If it's so unlucky, give it back." My fingers had barely touched Ava when she screamed and threw herself backward. Her wrist struck the edge of the coffee table, and the emerald bracelet cracked. Stones and broken metal scattered across the floor. The world went silent. Then Ava lifted her bleeding arm and sobbed beautifully. "Luca, it hurts." Luca snapped out of it and shoved me away. My lower back hit the cabinet, and a sharp pain tore through my abdomen. "Vivian, are you insane?" he shouted. "That was your mother's only keepsake. To hurt Ava, you didn't even care if you destroyed it?" I collapsed to the floor, my face white. "I didn't push her. She fell on purpose. She broke it on purpose." "Enough!" The veins in Luca's neck stood out. "You lose your mind and still blame her?" His thoughts were a mess. [What do I do? The bracelet is broken. The thing Vivi loved most is broken. Now I don't even have the last thing that could keep her with me.] He was panicking, but even his panic hurt me. He dragged me down the hall to the wine storage room, the coldest and darkest room in the apartment. The pain in my abdomen sharpened, as if something inside me was being torn loose. He pushed me inside. "You hurt Ava, and you're not thinking straight. Stay there tonight. When you calm down tomorrow, you can come out and apologize." The lock clicked. Darkness swallowed me. I clutched my stomach and felt warmth slowly seep between my legs. When I touched it, my fingers came away red. Chapter 5 "Luca." I hit the door, trying to keep my voice steady. "Luca, I'm bleeding. Open the door. I need the hospital." No answer came. I heard Ava sniffling, Luca asking if her wound hurt, and the medicine kit opening. I hit the door again. The pain was so bad I could barely stand. "Luca, I'm not lying. My stomach hurts. I'm really bleeding." This time, he answered, his voice flat through the wood. "Vivian, I've known you for ten years. I never knew you were this good at acting. Ava is the one who's hurt. I pushed you once, and now you're screaming about blood. Your period isn't due until next week." I almost broke. "Exactly. It's next week. So why am I bleeding?" I didn't dare think about the answer. I had wanted a child for so many years that hope itself felt dangerous. A few days ago, I had lost my appetite. In the mornings, I felt sick. I told myself it was stress and didn't even dare buy a pregnancy test. Now the pain terrified me. "Luca, please." I slid down against the door, sweat coating my palms. "Let me out. I only need the hospital. I swear I'll explain the bracelet later." Ava's soft voice floated from outside. "Vivian, you're really going to lie about something like this just to dodge what you did to me? Maybe she wants to run on the way to the hospital, Luca. She packed her suitcase tonight. If she leaves, what about the thirty million for the bracelet? And the South Harbor ledgers still have to face the Capos tomorrow. I don't even know if I can handle that meeting with my arm like this." Luca's breathing grew heavy. [Run away? Vivi, are you really trying to run? You'd even use blood to lie to me because you want to leave that badly?] [No. Even if I have to lock you up forever, I can't lose you.] I went cold all over. He didn't hear my cry for help. He heard only his fear. In his mind, Ava's cut, the South Harbor books, and the Capos' mood tomorrow mattered more than my pain. At last Luca said, "Stay there and calm down. I'm taking Ava to the hospital." "Luca!" I hit the door with the last of my strength. "I'm going to die." For one moment, there was silence. I heard his heart tremble. [Vivi, don't scare me like that. I want to open the door. But you always know how to make me soft. Are you lying again?] Then his footsteps moved away, and the front door slammed shut. The apartment fell dead quiet. I collapsed on the cold floor as the pain came in waves. Blood spread beneath my skirt, taking what little warmth my body had left. Before my mind went dark, I remembered the pregnancy test in the bathroom trash that morning. Two very faint pink lines. I hadn't believed it yet. I had planned to tell Luca after the family dinner. I had imagined him being stubborn and saying it was trouble, while secretly grinning like an idiot inside. Now all I could do was press my hand to my stomach in the dark. "Baby, I'm sorry."