Gaslit By My Mom

When I came home for break, my mom, Evonne Ziegler, took me to the grocery store to buy ingredients for a big Thanksgiving dinner. As soon as we got there, she asked me what I wanted to eat. I picked up a pack of salmon and dropped it into the cart, but she immediately took it back out. "Salmon has radiation contamination now. You can't eat that." I glanced at the rotisserie chicken instead, but I was still turned down. "Chicken is full of growth hormones. They grow them in a week now. You'll get sick eating that." Apparently, everything was off-limits, so I lost interest and stopped talking. I figured I'd just let her buy whatever she wanted. But that upset her too. "I specifically brought you to the store. If you want something, just say it. Now you're just being silent. How am I supposed to know what you like?" Not wanting to ruin the mood, I casually pointed at some peaches nearby. "I like peaches. Let's get some." "We already have peaches at home. Don't buy any. You won't even eat them." On the drive back, Mom suddenly sighed. "You're so hard to please. We basically came out here for nothing." The moment I heard that, I suddenly thought this whole thing was pointless. Chapter 1 I stared coldly at the road ahead, gripped the steering wheel, and made a sudden U-turn back to the grocery store. My mom, Evonne Ziegler, frowned at me when she saw that. "Did you take the wrong exit? This isn't the way home." "It's not wrong. You said the trip was pointless, didn't you? Then I'll go back and buy all the stuff we looked at so it won't be a wasted trip." After saying that, I took several deep breaths to calm myself down. If I lost my temper and started speeding, that would be dangerous for everyone on the road. Mom had always known exactly how to push my buttons. When I was little, my teacher selected me to join the cheer squad for a performance during the school field day. The day before the performance, my teacher specifically reminded everyone to wear white leather shoes and white socks. All my shoes were black, so after school I asked Mom to take me shopping for a pair of white shoes. After we got to the store, the sales assistant immediately brought out a pair of white leather shoes for me to try on after hearing what I needed. I thought the shoes were decent. The size was just right, and they ticked all the boxes, but Mom stood where she was and started frowning at me. My heart sank. I thought maybe she felt they were too expensive, so I quietly took them off and started looking through the clearance section instead. "Try these instead. White shoes get dirty too easily. Black is better." After Mom saw me take off the shoes, she picked up a pair of black leather shoes and placed them in front of me. "Our teacher said everyone has to wear white," I explained. "White stains too easily. You'll ruin them in minutes. Just listen to me and get the black shoes. Black looks good too." It was like she hadn't heard a word I said. She kept insisting on getting me to try the black shoes. "My teacher said they have to be white! If I wear black, I won't be allowed onstage!" I raised my voice. "What do you mean? Why must it be white? I think you're making that up. Black or white, it's all the same. Get the black ones." I nearly choked on my frustration. The sales assistant quickly stepped in after sensing the tension. "These may be white, but they're pretty stain-resistant. If they get dirty, you can just wipe them with a wet cloth. It's very convenient." While speaking, she began demonstrating it for us. Mom looked at the shoes for several long seconds without speaking. I quietly backed away and found a discounted pair of white leather shoes in the clearance section. It only cost 30 bucks. I told her those would work too. She still wasn't satisfied. Instead, she grabbed a pair of white sneakers from another shelf. "You run around at school all day. Leather shoes aren't safe. Sneakers are better. Kids your age are still growing, so you should wear sneakers that provide more support." That was the moment I completely gave up. I understood then that there was no chance I was leaving with white leather shoes. Even the sales assistant looked at me with sympathy. I was numb with embarrassment. I refused to even look at the sneakers. "Forget it. I don't want any shoes. Let's just go." "You're impossible. I came all this way just to buy you shoes, but you don't want them now. There's no pleasing you," Mom snapped before turning around and walking out of the store. The next day, since I didn't have white leather shoes, my teacher removed me from the cheer squad. Things like this happened constantly throughout my twenty-something years of life. Chapter 2 When I was a kid, I had no power to fight back. All I could do was swallow my frustration. Now I did have that power, and I didn't want to tolerate her any longer. The car sped down the road before pulling into the grocery store parking lot. Mom shoved the car door open and snapped, "I told you to buy things earlier and you wouldn't. Now we have to make another trip. Do you think gas is free?" I ignored her completely and headed straight into the store. "Salmon isn't safe to eat! They're dumping nuclear wastewater into the ocean. Don't you know that? Put it back!" I pushed the cart into the seafood section and grabbed five huge packs of salmon in one go. Salmon had always been one of my favorite foods. This time, I was going to eat as much as I wanted. Mom reached over to take them out, but I didn't give her the chance. I pushed the cart forward and practically sprinted away. The rotisserie chickens were sold out, but there were still roasted drumsticks left. I tossed two boxes of them into the cart. "Those chickens are pumped full of hormones! One chicken can grow six drumsticks now. You can't eat that stuff." Mom stood by the counter with a horrified look on her face. She continued criticizing me. There were plenty of shoppers nearby. After hearing what she said, several people snorted. "Madam, stop watching random videos on the internet. That rumor's been debunked for years." "Those drumsticks are like ten bucks a box. The drugs would cost more than the chicken." I looked Mom straight in the eye. "These are the foods I like. If you don't want to buy them for me, fine. I can buy them myself. It's my money. You don't get to control what I buy." She looked shocked. After staring at me for a few seconds, she finally relented. "Fine. You do the buying. I don't care anymore." I was thrilled on the inside. After over twenty years of being talked down to, I finally won an argument. The grocery store buzzed with noise and conversation as I continued shopping ahead of her. Before long, the cart was piled high with food. "Take your purse out and let me carry it for you. It'll get crushed down there." Mom patted my shoulder and pointed at my purse that was at the bottom of the cart. I didn't think much of it and did what she said. I pulled my purse out from the bottom and handed it to her. I kept pushing the cart forward. I grabbed a few drinks that I liked. By the time I reached the checkout line, I looked over the overflowing cart with satisfaction. I even double-checked to make sure I hadn't forgotten anything. Once I confirmed everything was there, I started scanning the items one by one. "Mom, hand me my purse. My phone's inside." I subconsciously reached behind me, but after waiting several seconds, I still didn't feel my purse in my hand. I turned around. Mom was gone. All that stood behind me were customers waiting in line. I thought she had fallen behind somewhere, so I stood on my tiptoes and searched the crowd, but I still couldn't find her. I started to panic. "Mom! Mom! Evonne Ziegler! Where are you?" I shouted across the checkout area. No matter how loudly I called out, nobody answered. Chapter 3 The customers waiting behind me were already getting impatient. They told me to hurry up and stop holding up the line. I quickly apologized. My mind went blank. "Sorry, I'm so sorry. My mom's missing, and my phone's with her, so I can't pay. You can go ahead first." I hurriedly shoved all the scanned items back into the cart. I was prepared to go look for her. A store employee immediately stepped forward and blocked my path. "What are you doing? You can't leave without paying." The sight of the employee finally snapped me back to reality. I grabbed her hand and said, "My mom disappeared. Please help me find her." They brought me to the manager's office, where the staff made three or four announcements over the intercom, but Mom still didn't show up. Left with no other choice, I went to the security office to check the surveillance footage. That's when I finally found out where she'd gone. With my purse in her hand, she kept walking all the way back toward the entrance. She actually left the grocery store through the front doors. I immediately felt furious. I knew she did it on purpose. She just wanted to embarrass me. My face turned red. Suddenly, it felt humiliating to even look at all the food piled inside the cart. If this had happened in the past, I probably would have given in. But this time, I wouldn't let her have her way no matter what. I was leaving with these groceries one way or another. I borrowed an employee's phone and called my best friend, Melinda Graham. I asked her to come pick me up at the grocery store. She happened to be shopping nearby and arrived quickly. She paid for everything for me. I loaded all the groceries into the trunk. Thankfully, I still had my car keys on me, so at least I could drive home. When I got back, Mom was already sitting on the couch. She looked at me smugly. "Oh, your'e back? I told you not to buy those things, but you wouldn't listen. I had to come home first." She deliberately brushed past the fact that she had abandoned me at the grocery store. I was furious, so I ignored her completely and carried the three heavy bags of groceries into the house. "How did you buy all that? Your phone was with me!" She saw me carrying all that stuff and immediately sprang up from the couch. The calm expression on her face vanished. "So you really did do it on purpose. You took my phone because you wanted to humiliate me. "But let me make one thing clear. It won't work anymore. I'm an adult now. You can't control me anymore." I stared directly into her eyes as I spoke each word slowly and clearly. "H-How can you say that to your mother? I'm doing this for your own good. None of that food is good for you, but you insist on arguing with me over it. "You're my only child. Why would I ever want to hurt you? Return all this stuff. You really can't eat it. I mean it." Even after I brought everything home, she still refused to give up. She still wanted me to return it all. "Enough!" I finally snapped and shouted at the top of my lungs. "What is wrong with you? I'm spending my own money. What does any of this have to do with you? If you keep trying to control me, I'll move out permanently. Don't make me go that far." Chapter 4 After I got my first paycheck out of college, I started looking for an apartment so I could finally move out, but Mom refused no matter what I said. One night, she sat beside my bed while wiping away tears. She cried about how lonely she would be living alone. Seeing her like that, I couldn't bring myself to leave, so I stayed home. "Move out? Where would you move to? I can't believe how stubborn you've become. I thought I raised a good daughter. You ungrateful child!" After being stunned for a few seconds, she immediately started pointing at me and yelling. I didn't even bother arguing with her. After putting my things away, I grabbed a few snacks I wanted to eat and sat at the dining table. I began indulging myself. Once I was full, my mood improved a lot. I got my phone back, repaid Melinda, and scrolled on my phone in bed. I eventually fell asleep. Early next morning, I woke up to loud voices all around me. The second I opened my eyes, I nearly had a heart attack. A group of relatives was standing around my bed. They surrounded me like mourners at a funeral. It was as if they were about to carry me off any second. "What are you all doing? Who said you could come into my room?" I shot upright in bed and screamed. "Well, look who finally woke up. You don't care about your poor mother at all. You could've gotten up early to help her in the kitchen." My aunt, Daisy Anderson, said with a sarcastic snort. I glanced at my phone. It was only eight in the morning. I finally had a few days off and just wanted to sleep in for once. That plan was clearly ruined now. "Get up already. Your mother's been cooking for two hours." My aunt-in-law, Mary Ziegler, yanked my blanket away. "Why do you even need this much makeup? You can't possibly use all of it. I'll just take these bottles. "And these clothes in your closet are way too revealing. People would think you work at a nightclub." The entire group of people rummaged through my room. They pointed at my belongings and criticized me for just about everything. They were like looters raiding a house. "What are you doing in my room? Put that down!" I shouted. "Why are you yelling? You have such a bad temper. Your mother specifically asked us to come talk some sense into you. You seriously can't be left unchecked anymore." My heart sank. My mind was a mess. I honestly didn't know what I had done so wrong for Mom to torment me like this. At that moment, I genuinely felt like I would rather she stab me to death than keep torturing me this way. "I need to get changed. Get out," I said while trying to suppress my anger. "We're all family. Just get changed. What's there to hide?" I glanced in the direction of the bedroom door. It was wide open. My uncle, Jack Ziegler, and my cousin, Ben Ziegler, were sitting out there in plain view. Once they looked up, they'd be able to see everything. I couldn't possibly get changed like this. "Get out! How am I supposed to get changed with all of you standing here?" I grabbed a pillow and hurled it at them. "Such a bad temper. Fine, fine, we're leaving." Only after they walked out did I finally sigh in relief. I shut the door and had just pulled off my nightgown when the door suddenly swung open behind me. "Why are you keeping your door closed? We're all family. What are you trying to hide from us? Why must you close the door?" Mom stood by the door and fumed. Perhaps it was my imagination, but a cold draft swept across my bare upper body. It made me shiver instantly.