My Husband Says I’m Pretentious

We were stuck on the highway in the middle of the Christmas travel rush. My husband’s childhood friend had not only taken the passenger seat from me, but she had also propped her bare feet up on the center console. “Don’t take it to heart, Yvonne. I’m just a casual person and like to be my true self, unlike you and your fake propriety,” Michelle Gail said. As she spoke, she snatched my phone right out of my hand and read a holiday greeting from a male colleague aloud. “Oh, you have quite a few backup options, don’t you? I bet you cheated on Charles a long time ago.” My husband, Charles Carter, however, only defended her. He said, “She’s just being casual. Don’t be so petty as to hold it against her.” I smiled. They did not know that I had accidentally been bound with a system before. As the system had bound the wrong person, it promised to fulfill one wish for me unconditionally as compensation. Without a moment of hesitation, I swapped the system for the “Forget Common Sense System” and bound it to Michelle. Since she was so “casual,” why would she need a sense of shame? Why would she even need to wear clothes? Since the highway was so congested, she might as well go for a wild run on the road! Chapter 1 “Oh my! Why do you look so unhappy, Yvonne? I hope I didn’t hit a nerve.” Michelle Gail turned her head around flirtatiously. “Charles, what’s wrong with your wife? I was only joking, but she’s taking it so seriously. Friends like us don’t take offence easily, right?” Charles Carter held the steering wheel while he shot a dissatisfied glance at me through the rearview mirror. “Yvonne, all Michelle did was just ask you to sit in the back seat. Can you stop wearing such a long face? “Michelle is only looking out for me by checking on you. Besides, she’s always been this casual. Why are you being so petty with a young girl?” “Fine, I won’t be petty,” I replied with a cold sneer. I muttered in my mind, ‘System, connect to Michelle and activate the Forgetfulness function.’ The system replied coldly, [Host confirmed. First stage of punishment initiated: Forget sitting posture.] Seeing that I remained silent, Michelle thought I had backed down, and she became even more smug. “That’s more like it. A woman should be chill about these things. Don’t always keep such a close eye on your man; you make it look as if we’re cheating on you.” After saying that, she reached for the bag of chips on the center console and leaned forward. Right then, something bizarre happened. Michelle’s legs, which had been propped up on the console, suddenly lost all control. They swung wide to both sides, forming an incredibly suggestive M-shape. “Ah!” Michelle cried out in surprise, and the chips in her hand scattered everywhere. Charles was startled, and he slammed on the brakes. “What’s wrong, Michelle?” Michelle’s face turned bright red as she desperately tried to pull her legs together. However, her legs seemed frozen. They were stuck in that shameful position. No matter how hard she tried to force them back, they would not budge. “Charles, my legs are cramping! It hurts so much!” she cried. Her stockings dug into her flesh, and her skin was partially visible. Charles panicked upon seeing this. He quickly unbuckled his seatbelt and leaned over. “Where’s the cramp? I’ll massage it for you!” As he spoke, his hand naturally moved onto Michelle’s thigh, squeezing upward from her knee. “Is it here? Or here?” I felt a wave of nausea hit my stomach. “Charles, we’re still on the highway with cars behind us. Watch out!” Without even turning his head, Charles roared, “Yvonne, do you have a heart? Michelle is in so much pain, and all you care about is the driving? Are you hoping something bad will happen to her?” Michelle also looked at me with tearful eyes. “Yvonne, I know you don’t like me, but I’ve not offended you. How can you be so cold-blooded?” She pressed her body into Charles’ embrace as she cried. Those splayed legs remained wide open. ‘Hmph. This is only the beginning, Michelle. System, increase the intensity,’ I thought. Chapter 2 [Instruction confirmed. Additional punishment: Forget seatbelt unbuckle logic.] Michelle was enjoying Charles’ massage when she suddenly seemed to go mad. She grabbed the handle of the passenger door with both hands and tried desperately to push it open. “Hot! It’s so hot! I want to get out! I want to get some fresh air!” Charles was scared out of his wits. “Michelle, you’re crazy! We’re on the highway!” He tried to hold her back, but Michelle’s strength was immense. She frantically tore at her seatbelt while kicking those splayed legs. “Let me go! What’s this thing that’s tying me down? I’m going to suffocate!” “Yvonne! What are you still sitting there for?! Come and help!” Charles bellowed at me as he was unable to restrain her. I slowly took out my phone and turned on the video recorder. “Charles, it’s better not to move her around. What if we hurt her? I’ll call 911 right now.” In the footage, Michelle’s hair was disheveled, and her clothes were a mess. With her legs wide open, she bit down hard on Charles’ arm. “Ah!” Charles shrieked in pain. He jerked his hand away and slapped Michelle across the face. “Michelle, are you a dog?” That slap seemed to daze her. She stopped struggling and stared blankly at Charles. “Charles, did you just hit me?” She covered her face, and tears welled up instantly. “I didn’t do it on purpose. It just hurt too much.” When he looked at the bite marks on his hand and then at Michelle’s red and swollen face, Charles felt a pang of guilt. He immediately leaned back in to comfort her. “Michelle, I’m sorry. I panicked. Does it still hurt?” Michelle took the opportunity to collapse into his arms and sobbed. “It hurts. Everything hurts. Yvonne is still recording a video. Does she want to post it online to shame me?” Charles whipped his head around and glared at me fiercely. “Yvonne, put that phone away and delete the video!” I calmly pressed the save button and put the phone back in my bag. “Why do I need to delete it? The doctors will need to see the symptoms when they arrive. I’m doing this for Michelle’s best interests.” “You’re such a hypocrite! You’re just jealous that Michelle and I are close!” Charles snapped. The traffic finally began to move, and the cars ahead started to accelerate. Charles had to return to the driver’s seat and restart the car. Michelle remained in that shameful position with her legs apart. Her seatbelt was a tangled mess, digging into her chest and pulling her already low neckline even lower. “Charles, I still cannot put my legs down,” Michelle said pitifully. “Hang in there. There’s a rest area up ahead. We’ll go there to take a break,” Charles comforted her. The car pulled into the rest area. After parking, Charles unbuckled his seatbelt to help Michelle. “I’ll carry you down.” Michelle nodded shyly and wrapped her arms around Charles’ neck. However, the moment her feet touched the ground, the system’s punishment arrived once more. [Second stage of punishment initiated: Forget upright walking and sense of balance.] “Ouch!” As soon as she stood up, Michelle’s entire body went limp as if her bones had been removed. She slumped toward the ground. Charles was quick and caught her by the waist. “What’s wrong?” “I can’t stand.” Michelle looked at her legs in terror. “Charles, I think I’ve forgotten how to walk!” She tried to take a step, but her left foot tripped over her right, and she fell directly onto her knees. It was not a normal kneel either. Her hands and knees were on the ground while her rear was thrust high in the air like a standard crawling posture. Chapter 3 The people resting nearby began to cast bizarre looks in our direction. “What is wrong with that woman? Is she performing some kind of bow?” “She looks quite fashionable. Why is she crawling on the ground like that?” Charles could no longer maintain his composure. He hurriedly tried to haul her up. “Michelle, stop messing around. Get up, now!” “I can’t get up! I really can’t!” Michelle wailed. With her limbs pressed firmly against the pavement, she actually began to scramble forward a few steps like a stray dog. “Charles, my legs are like jelly. I can’t find any strength!” Standing by the car, I nearly burst out laughing. “Oh, what happened to Michelle? She was so energetic in the car just now. Why did she suddenly start acting so interesting?” Charles’ expression turned angry. “Yvonne! Stop with the sarcasm! Can’t you see that Michelle is ill? Get over here and lend a hand!” “I wouldn’t dare.” I took a step back and brushed a speck of dust off my sleeve. “She’s your precious good friend. You’d be worried sick if I accidentally hurt her!” “You!” Charles was enraged. He had no choice but to bend down and hoist Michelle up himself. In Michelle’s current state of mind, however, she seemed to believe that being on all fours was the only safe way to exist. The moment Charles lifted her, she struggled violently, and her limbs flailed wildly. “Do not touch me! I am going to fall!” she shrieked. Her fingernails clawed frantically at Charles’ face. Charles winced in pain as he forced her into his arms and carried her up like a baby. Michelle gripped his collar with a death lock. Her legs were still apart, and she was dangling and swaying in mid-air as they moved. “Yvonne, are you just going to watch Charles tire himself out?” Michelle poked her head out from Charles’ arms. “I’m sick, yet you haven’t even said a word of concern. Do you even have a heart?” I sneered and said, “Probably not. Unlike you, you have a heart. You have a heart that’s full of my husband!” “Yvonne! Shut up!” Charles was panting heavily as he bore the weight of Michelle’s 120-pound body. “Go buy some food and water. Michelle is hungry. Don’t just stand there like a statue!” He carried Michelle toward the rest hall, drawing a trail of curious onlookers along the way. I followed slowly behind them. Hungry? ‘Good. Let’s see if you still remember how to eat like a human,’ I thought. … The restaurant in the rest area was buzzing with people. Charles finally found a seat and “installed” Michelle into a chair as if she were a precious centerpiece. Michelle maintained her awkward, half-squatting posture. Her hands gripped the edge of the table so tightly as if letting go would mean her certain demise. “Yvonne, go buy some food! Michelle will have spaghetti and mushroom soup, and tell them to top it off with extra cheese.’ Charles commanded me like I was a common servant while he wiped the sweat from Michelle’s brow. I stood my ground and did not move. “I’ve been in the car for hours too. I’m exhausted. Go get it yourself if you’re hungry.” “You!” Charles’ eyes widened. “How can you be so inconsiderate? Look at Michelle now. How is she supposed to go get food? I have to watch her in case she falls!” “That’s your problem.” I pulled out a chair nearby and sat down. I pulled my phone out to order food delivery. “Regardless, I’m not serving you.” Charles gritted his teeth in fury. He pointed a finger at my nose and snapped, “Fine! Just wait until we get home. I’ll let Mom and Dad know! What is the use of marrying a wife like you?!” He stomped off to wait in line for food after saying that. Once Charles was gone, Michelle immediately dropped her act. “Yvonne, is this really necessary?” she asked in a snide tone. “Charles values loyalty above all else. The more you mistreat me, the more he’ll despise you. If I were you, I’d go buy a bottle of water right now and apologize to me.” Chapter 4 I looked at her face, which was caked in foundation, and smiled slightly. “Michelle, don’t you feel like something is a bit off... here?” I pointed to her head. Michelle froze. “What do you mean? Are you calling me crazy?” “No, no, no,” I said, wagging my finger. “I’m saying… Do you feel like you’re regressing?” Michelle’s expression shifted. “Stop trying to play mind games with me! I’m telling you, Charles and I grew up together. An outsider like you can forget about driving a wedge between us!” Just then, Charles returned with a tray. On it was a plate piled high with spaghetti and a bowl of soup. “Michelle, you must be starving. Eat up.” Charles handed a fork to Michelle. His eyes were full of tenderness Michelle gave me a smug look and reached for the fork. [Third stage of punishment initiated: Forget table manners.] The moment Michelle’s hand touched the fork, she recoiled as if she had been electrocuted. She stared at the fork with a look of utter confusion. “How do you use this?” “Stop playing around and eat.” Charles thought she was just acting cute. He shoved the fork into her hand. Michelle held it, but she had no idea how to use it. She tried to pick up some spaghetti from her plate, but the spaghetti slid away. Hunger surged within her like a tidal wave. Suddenly, Michelle threw the fork aside. She reached out with the same hand that had just gripped the car door and touched the soles of her shoes, and grabbed a handful of spaghetti directly from the plate. “Michelle!” Charles cried out. Michelle did not hear him. She grabbed a handful of pasta and stuffed it into her mouth. She ate voraciously while making loud and wet smacking noises that echoed through the hall. “Good! So good!” she mumbled as she stuffed more food in. Her hands worked like frantic pistons; after grabbing the spaghetti, she went for the meatballs, coating her face in oil and sauce. The surrounding diners were stunned. Many pulled out their phones to take photos and videos. “Oh my god! Is that woman an animal from the zoo?” “That’s disgusting. Is she really eating with her hands in public?” Charles was humiliated beyond belief. He rushed forward to grab her hands. “Michelle, what are you doing? It’s filthy!” Michelle was enraged to be interrupted. She whipped her head around and bared her teeth at Charles. Then, she snatched a saucy meatball and hurled it at Charles’ newly purchased Armani jacket. “Get lost! Don’t steal my meat!” Charles was stunned. I sat nearby and took a sip of my water. “Charles, is this what you meant by ‘casual’? She certainly is being casual, just like a caveman.” “Yvonne!” Charles roared. He seemed to be having a total breakdown. “Why are you still laughing? Do something! Has she lost her mind?” “How would I know?” I shrugged. “Maybe she thinks using a fork is too hypocritical, and eating with her hands fits her ‘casual’ personality better?” … By the time he managed to stuff Michelle back into the car, Charles was completely drained. Stuffed with food and drink, Michelle leaned back in the passenger seat and let out a series of loud and vulgar burps. She wiped her greasy hands all over the leather car interior that Charles treated with utmost care. Charles’ heart bled for his car, but he did not dare to get angry at her. He could only use wet wipes to clean the mess bit by bit. “Charles, I want more water,” Michelle said as she held out her hand like a spoiled brat. Charles suppressed his disgust while he unscrewed the cap and handed her the bottle of water. Michelle took it and tilted her head back to gulp it down. Water spilled all over her neck, but she did not care. She even let out a satisfied sigh. “Ah!” We continued on our way. Perhaps because she was sleepy after the meal, Michelle finally quieted down for a while. Chapter 5 The system was not about to let her rest. The notification chimed once more. [Fourth stage preparation: Forget sense of shame and the concept of clothing coverage.] At dusk, we finally arrived at Charles’ hometown. Charles’ parents, along with his aunts and uncles, had long been waiting at the entrance. Charles was the pride of his family, and bringing his wife back for Christmas naturally made him the center of everyone’s attention. “Oh, Charles is back!” My mother-in-law, Daisy Carter, beamed. Her face split into a wide smile as she hurried forward. Charles parked the car and looked back at Michelle with an awkward expression. Michelle was currently sprawled across the passenger seat. Her skirt was hiked up to the top of her thighs, completely devoid of any decorum. “Michelle, we’re here. Get out of the car,” Charles whispered to her. Michelle opened her eyes in a daze and stretched. “We’re here? That nap was exhausting.” She pushed the car door open. This time, she did not crawl. Instead, she stood up unsteadily. However, her posture remained bizarre. Her legs were bowed, and her arms hung limp at her sides. “This must be Michelle, right? She’s so pretty,” Daisy praised warmly, though she clearly found Michelle’s stance peculiar. Michelle glanced at Daisy and suddenly bared her teeth in a grin. “Old hag, who are you? You’re blocking my way!” Daisy froze. “H-how can she speak to me like that?” Charles turned pale with fright and quickly covered Michelle’s mouth. “Mom, she is just lightheaded from motion sickness. Michelle, say hello to my mom!” Michelle shoved Charles’ hand away and wiped her mouth in disgust. “Why should I say hello to her? This is so annoying! I need to pee!” Before the eyes of the entire family, she actually squatted right there and reached down to lift her skirt. “Ah!” A chorus of gasps erupted from the gathered relatives. The women covered their eyes while the men stared with their eyes wide open. Charles went ballistic. He lunged forward, wrapping his jacket around Michelle to cover her, and desperately pinned her hands down. “Michelle! Have you lost your mind? We’re at the front gate!” “Let me go! Don’t you understand? I’m just being myself! Holding it in hurts!” Michelle struggled violently in his arms. “Mom, I think Michelle is quite ill. Perhaps we should cancel the party tonight?” I suggested with feigned kindness. “No!” Charles roared as sweat poured down his face. “The relatives are already here. How can we cancel? Michelle just had too much to drink. She’ll be fine after a nap!” He was still defending her even though she had thoroughly humiliated him. Fine. ‘Charles, I will make sure your night is memorable,’ I thought. The party was held in the Carter family’s large courtyard, with about 50 guests attending. Charles had locked Michelle in a room to “sober up” while he stepped out to socialize. After a few rounds of drinks, everyone was feeling a bit tipsy. Suddenly, a window on the second floor burst open with a loud bang. Everyone looked up. Michelle was standing on the windowsill. She was wearing nothing but a tight-fitting nightgown. In the night breeze, she spread her arms wide and bellowed at the dozens of relatives below. “I am burning up! These rags are suffocating me! I’ll take it all off! Return to nature! Release your true instincts!” With that, her hand reached for the clasps on her back. Snap. Under Charles’ despairing gaze and the horrified stares of the family, Michelle ripped off her nightgown and hurled it into the crowd. The black lace garment traced an arc through the air before landing precisely on Charles’ eldest uncle’s bald head.