The Day I Chose Myself

Right after the SAT results dropped, the admissions representatives from Blackridge University practically fought over me so fiercely it felt like they'd set the whole room on fire. They made an outrageous offer just to win me over, claiming that I could bring one friend along with full admission. As the clock reset, I chose no one this time around because I'd already lived through it once. In my last life, I didn't hesitate to pick my childhood best friend, Shawn Hooper. I gave him a ticket into a world he could never hope to reach without my help. And what did I get for it? A look of pure disgust. "You're pathetic," he sneered. "It's laughable that you'd dare use something like this to drive a wedge between Madison and me." Madison Cole was our class president. She was the golden girl and everyone's favorite girl. She couldn't handle losing both the guy she loved and the future she thought was hers. So, she jumped from the roof of a building. Shawn found her final message and lost his mind. He told me the class was having one last bonfire party just outside town. It was a lie. He took me there to torture me before leaving me to die. Our entire class covered for him. Every last one of them told the police I'd slipped near the ravine and fallen by accident. … A week after my death, my parents died in a supposed highway pileup. My soul never moved on, and that was how I discovered the truth—Shawn had orchestrated everything. When I reopened my eyes, I quickly realized I was back on the day when Blackridge University fought to recruit me. I wouldn't choose anyone this time. No, the only one I would choose was myself. Chapter 1 This Time, I Chose No One "Evelyn, we're willing to make a special exception if you agree to enroll at Blackridge," said one of the admissions officers, his eyes gleaming with hope. "You can bring one classmate along as part of the deal." The whole room went still. My classmates, teachers, and admissions representatives all had their eyes on me. The room was so tense it felt nearly impossible to breathe. I took a slow breath and replied firmly, "No." The class exploded. No one had seen that answer coming. It didn't take long for the snide comments to start. "I guess being valedictorian really does make you too good for your old classmates." "Of course. She's the top scorer in the state now. Why would someone like her care about people headed to junior college?" "Fine, whatever. It isn't as if she should help the rest of us, but not even helping her childhood best friend? Talk about being selfish." My eyes landed on Shawn. His face was dark with anger, his eyes blazing with the fury of one betrayed. "Evelyn, what's your problem?" he demanded. "Weren't we supposed to go to Blackridge together?" He still had that handsome, easy face that used to make people trust him without question. However, I could see the face from my past life over it. The same one that contorted with cruelty after he had destroyed my family. It didn't resemble the Shawn I used to know. He had looked nothing like the considerate, reliable boy I once cared for. In my previous life, he and Madison had hurried into the classroom one after another, both appearing disheveled when I mentioned I would take him to Blackridge University. Back then, I had been stuck in a one-sided love for him for years. I had wanted nothing more than to bring him with me and hand him the enrolment letter to Blackridge University on a silver platter. What I hadn't known was that earlier, he and Madison had confessed their feelings and made things official that very same day. The boy who used to tell me we would get into the same college and never be apart had already become someone else's boyfriend. The matching rings on his and Madison's fingers had felt like knives in my eyes. I looked at him and replied quietly, "A problem? There's nothing of the sort. I just didn't want to break up a happy couple." I forced my way into his future in my last life, thinking I was helping him. Instead, I got my whole family killed. I wasn't going to play the savior this time around. 'Smack.' The slap cracked across my face so hard my head snapped to the side. Shawn's voice rang through the room, shrill with outrage. "We were just messing around. What are you, some kind of jealous psycho? Madison bombed her exams and got so depressed that she nearly killed herself. I was just comforting her. What of it?" He glared at me. "You got into Blackridge, but you're still a manipulative little snake. You're using this to control me." Madison stepped in right away, looking fragile and wronged. "Eve, please don't misunderstand," she explained softly. "Shawn and I really aren't like that. He was only trying to help me because he's kind." She lowered her head, her voice shaking. "It's all my fault. I didn't do well, and now I've caused trouble for both of you. I don't even deserve to be class president." Her voice nearly broke at the end. Madison had always known how to win people over. Since she was the class president, she already had most of the room on her side. Sure enough, people started turning on me. "What kind of valedictorian acts like this? Does Blackridge seriously want someone that petty?" "What a waste." "The system's totally broken if someone like her got the top spot." The insults kept coming. I just shook my head, took my Blackridge University admission letter, swallowed every vicious word thrown at me, and walked out without saying a thing. I had already learned my lesson. In my last life, I learned the hard way that meddling in someone else's fate had cost my entire family their lives. ... As I passed a karaoke bar downtown that evening, I heard laughter spilling out from one of the private rooms. Shawn was inside with the rest of our class. "Shawn, what if Evelyn really doesn't bring you to Blackridge?" someone asked. "Where will you go?" Shawn lifted a brow and laughed scornfully. "She will. Evelyn's been pathetically hung up on me for years. All I have to do is give her some scraps of affection, and she'll hand that Blackridge spot right over." The others immediately started flattering him. "Then, congrats in advance, man. Cheers to you, a future Blackridge student." "Don't forget us when you make it big." Shawn waved a hand grandly, smug as ever. "Obviously. I'm not selfish like some people." The room erupted into raucous laughter as I heard them suck up to him further. Chapter 2 While He Flaunted His Love, I Let Go The next morning, the first thing I saw when I checked my phone was a post that had already blown up. "Love knows no distance. If two hearts want each other, nothing can stand in the way." Attached was a photo of Shawn and Madison, smiling at the camera like they were the leads in some teen romance. He was holding a Blackridge University admission packet in the picture, while she showed off her acceptance letter to a junior college. I hadn't agreed to take him with me. So, where did his acceptance packet come from? The comments underneath were full of gushing reactions from our mutual friends. "Oh, my God! The couple I've been rooting for has finally made things official. I'm screaming!" "This is seriously so romantic. Blackridge and junior college may be worlds apart, but love conquers all. Shawn is the ultimate boyfriend." "Good. Evelyn finally got what she deserved. That scheming bitch is finally out of the picture. Our class lost a future Blackridge golden boy, and now, I need the universe to send me a winning lottery ticket to cope." I paused for a second. Then, I liked the post. Shawn called near instantaneously. "What are you trying to do now?" he demanded the moment I picked up. "Madison's emotionally fragile right now. I'm taking care of her. Don't you forget that she's helped you plenty before." I replied softly, "I genuinely wish you and Madison the best." He gave a short, disbelieving laugh. "There's only one month left," he said. "Madison ended up like this because of me. I have a responsibility to take care of her. Evelyn, I need you to be mature about this. Stop making a scene." The one month he meant was the time left before freshman move-in. However, I had never agreed to bring him with me. Still, I chose not to argue. My silence appeared to catch him off guard. Then, it seemed that he had somehow convinced himself that I was still pliable because he said softly, "Evelyn, I'll make it right. I'll only stay with her this month. I will be forever yours after that." I nearly burst out laughing. I didn't bother explaining. I just hung up. As days passed, Shawn and Madison became ubiquitous. Shawn declared his love loudly and recklessly. It was as if he needed the entire world to witness it. For their first post-graduation trip, he took Madison horseback riding across an endless green prairie. The two of them seemed to glow beneath the golden sunset light as they whispered love confessions to each other. For their first couple's photo shoot, Madison draped herself over him in barely-there outfits, smiling as if she had already won. They rode a Ferris wheel together, and he kissed her like they were filming the final scene of a romance movie when they got to the very top. As if that weren't enough, he somehow felt that he needed to defend himself whenever he did something romantic with Madison. So, he would text me right after. "Evelyn, I know you're not into traveling, so I bought you a camcorder. You can use it to record our future together at Blackridge." I replied with two words, "It's fine." He called immediately, his voice turning sharp. "What? Do you have a problem with that? Madison and I are not like that. She's dealing with depression, and her doctor said she needs to get out more." Then, he scoffed. "You're supposed to be the smart one. Can't you at least try to act generous?" "I really don't care," I shot back. "You're overthinking it." I hung up before he could say another word. Honestly, I meant every word. I genuinely didn't care. There was a time when I used to bring him breakfast every day. I would pile on fruit, drinks, and whatever snacks he liked just to win him over. I used to deliberately hold back on tests to keep our scores close enough that no one would rank us apart, just so I could sit near him in class. He got stacks of love letters all the time. Every single one ended up in my hands because he always tossed them to me and told me to deal with them. I grossly misunderstood his actions. I had foolishly thought that it meant he liked me, too. That was how my unrequited love had started. It had been a tiny yet innocently foolish bud. I was young, so I naively believed every word he said, especially the ones that claimed that we'd get into the same school and never be apart. So, I didn't hesitate when Blackridge University's admissions team extended that offer to me. I wanted to bring him with me. I wanted to take him across that threshold into a world of privilege, prestige, and endless possibilities. I never imagined it would end with my entire family destroyed. So, I chose to stay out of his way. Chapter 3 On My Birthday, He Made Me the Punchline It was no surprise that word of Shawn and Madison's relationship got back to his mother. That same night, Madison "accidentally" fell and broke her leg. Shawn was pounding on my front door at midnight. He slapped me the second I opened it. The force sent my head snapping to the side. "So it really was you," he spat. "You told on us, didn't you? You vicious bitch." I frowned and looked back at him. "I didn't." I had always covered for all his ridiculous and reckless actions in the past. Now that I had a second chance, I swiftly decided I was done involving myself in anything that had to do with him. Still, I would never stoop so low as to tell on them. Frankly, I hadn't said a word to anyone. He let out a cold laugh. "Wow. You really went all out just to break us up." His eyes turned flinty with disgust. "Forget it. There's no point talking to someone as rotten as you. You've been dying to split Madison and me up from the very beginning." He brushed past my shoulder and stormed back out into the rain without another glance. Judging by the direction he was heading, he was likely going to the hospital. ... He called me again the next day. To my surprise, there wasn't a hint of anger in his tone. In fact, he sounded so tender and loving. "Eve, you have to come tonight," he said. "It's your party. You're the guest of honor." That was when I realized I had forgotten my own birthday. "No thanks," I declined swiftly. "You're coming," he replied smoothly. "It won't mean anything without you there." He hung up before I could get another word in edgewise. ... My classmates practically dragged me to the hotel that night. The second I walked into the room, my eyes were drawn to the enormous cake in the center of the room. It was shaped like a jet plane, towering several tiers high. Shawn stood beside it, smiling brightly. "Evelyn, I know your dream is to go into aerospace engineering. Do you like it?" I froze. 'He remembered?' For a brief moment, the calm I had fought so hard to keep cracked ever so slightly. 'Is this Shawn, the one appearing thoughtful, warm, and almost tender… truly the same person who had killed my family in a past life?' I felt a flicker of doubt rising in me for the first time since my rebirth. Then, something even stranger happened. My classmates, who had mocked me without mercy, suddenly wore soft smiles as they gathered around and sang me happy birthday. The lights dimmed when it was time for me to make a wish. Mist drifted through the room in pale ribbons, carrying the scent of perfume. Dark wood, warm and rich. It was Frederic Malle, the exact fragrance I loved most. My eyes began to sting. Then, the lights came back on. Madison was wheeled into the room in a princess gown with a bouquet cradled in her arms. The entire room erupted. "Happy birthday, Madison!" I went still. 'Right. It's her birthday too.' Shawn took her bouquet and pulled her into a deep, dramatic kiss to the crowd's delighted shrieks. The humiliation hit me all at once, hot and suffocating. I turned to leave, but someone grabbed my shoulders and held me in place. "Evelyn, where do you think you're going?" I looked straight at Shawn, my voice cold. "Why should I stay? Should I stay here and play the voyeur by watching the two of you play the happy couple?" His face hardened. "Grovel and beg for Madison. Only then can you leave." I stared, thinking that I had misheard him. "What?" He looked at me, his anger simmering just beneath the surface. "I'll say it one more time. This will only end after you grovel and apologize to Madison." Before I could speak, Madison's eyes reddened. "Evelyn, I know you hate me," she whispered tremulously. "I know you're upset that Shawn chose me. "But I never meant to take him from you. We just... fell in love. There was nothing either of us could do about it. Honestly, it's a good thing you told his mom. At least I was the one she took it out on, not Shawn. I never would've forgiven myself if she'd hurt him instead." I stared at her blankly, parroting after her, "Told his mom?" Shawn's expression darkened the second I said that. He didn't take his eyes off me as he signaled toward the projector. A video flashed onto the giant screen. Chapter 4 They Broke Me for Her The video on the screen began to play. Madison was pinned against a wall by several burly men, humiliated and manhandled as she struggled in terror. "A nobody from some junior college thinks she's good enough for Mr. Shawn?" "It's a good thing Ms. Shaw tipped us off behind the scenes. Otherwise, Mr. Shawn would've been ruined by this slut. Break her." "Someone like her thinks she belongs with the heir to the Hooper family? Please. Only someone like Ms. Shaw deserves to be the Hooper family's future daughter-in-law." Then, one of the men lifted his foot and brought it down hard on Madison's leg. "I'll break this bitch's leg and see how she plans to seduce anyone after that." Soon, a sickening crack rang through the room. Madison collapsed to the floor, clutching her leg and screaming so hard her whole body shook. "I didn't tell anyone," I said. Shawn turned and slapped me so hard my face instantly began to swell. My voice turned cold. "Your mother wouldn't have found out about this if the two of you hadn't made your relationship so public online." No one listened to me. He looked down at me with pure arrogance. "Enough. Get on your knees and apologize. It's Madison's birthday today, and I promised I'd grant her one wish." "In your dreams," I shot back before turning to leave. I didn't even make it two steps. That was because my former classmates had clearly been waiting for me to act when they rushed forward and pinned me in place. Madison rolled closer. Then, she pressed the heel of her shoe against my face and slowly ground it down. "I'm a kind person," she spoke sweetly. "Say sorry, and I might just forgive you." "I will never—" Before I could finish, Shawn grabbed a broken chair leg and swung it straight at my leg. Pain exploded through me. My knee gave out instantly. Something shifted out of place with a sickening jolt, and every muscle in my body seized in agony. I nearly blacked out. Shawn crouched slightly, his voice low and threatening. "If you refuse to apologize, it won't just be a dislocation next time." I bit down so hard I thought my teeth would shatter. Every word tasted like blood as I spat, "I'm sorry." Only then did Shawn turn back to Madison. He knelt in front of her with all the tenderness in the world, lifted her injured leg, and kissed it gently. "My princess," he murmured. "Do you feel better now?" Madison tapped him lightly on the nose and smiled. "Much better, dummy." The classmates around them practically melted on the spot, squealing over how sweet they were together. When they were done playing happy couple, no one even bothered looking at me anymore. They just let go and left me crumpled on the floor like garbage. I crawled my way to the hospital. I was gritting my teeth through the agony of having my leg reset when I received a video from Madison. I clicked on it. Shawn was shirtless in the clip, his toned body half-lit in the dim light. Madison was kneeling between his legs. His breathing was uneven, and a strained groan would occasionally escape his throat. I watched it once. Then, I deleted it. Trash like that wasn't worth the storage. ... The day before departure, I was out drinking with my best friend when Shawn suddenly burst in with a group of people behind him. He charged straight at me and slapped me several times in a row. My head rang, and I nearly fell out of my chair. Before I could react, the people behind him surged forward, shoving me to the ground and pinning me there. The other customers in the bar scattered at once, terrified of getting dragged into trouble. Shawn stood over me, fists clenched so tightly his knuckles had gone white. "I already agreed to go with you," he yelled through gritted teeth. "So, why are you still refusing to leave Madison alone?" His eyes burned with hatred. "Do you really have to drive her to death?" I stared at him, completely blindsided. His expression only darkened further. "You actually had someone kidnap her while I was gone." His voice rose in fury. "I'm telling you right now. Let her go. If you don't, I'm not going anywhere with you." I was still trying to understand what he said when, after a long pause, Madison entered the room awkwardly. Her clothes were disheveled and torn, her hair messy. She appeared pale, shaken, and near collapse. Anyone looking at her would assume the worst. Shawn's entire face changed. He rushed to her side, draped his jacket around her shoulders, and pulled her into his arms like she was something precious. Then, he turned to look at me, disgust written all over his face. "So it really was you. I know you're obsessed with me, but that doesn't give you the right to turn into a jealous lunatic." Before he left, he threw one last sentence over his shoulder. "I'll still go with you as I promised, but from now on, you'll be my girlfriend in name only. My heart will always belong to Madison." When I didn't respond, his tone softened. It made him sound disgustingly kind. "It all ends here. Go home. We're leaving tomorrow. Do make sure you clean yourself up before then. Don't embarrass me." I almost laughed. 'Did he actually think he's the prize here? I'm the one who topped the state.' ... The next day, I left for Blackridge University alone. On my phone, the video Shawn and Madison sent me the night before still haunted me. Those pixels felt like filth I couldn't quite wash off. Shawn called not long after I boarded. His voice was still thick with sleep. "Bring a dress to Suite 13-3 at the Langford Hotel later," he said lazily. "Madison messed up last night. I got carried away and tore hers." Then, Madison's coy voice drifted through the phone. "Just one dress? What if that's not enough, Shawn?" I listened in silence. Then, I responded calmly, "Shawn, you really are trash." I hung up. Right after that, I pulled out the SIM and snapped it in half. Just then, the plane's engine began to whir. As its wheels lifted from the ground, it felt as if my past with Shawn and all the baggage that came with him had finally fallen away. I was finally heading toward the future that was mine alone.