Goodbye to the Love I Lost Eight Years Ago

Eight years ago, I broke the heart of the boy I loved. Now, after eight years overseas, Liam Hayes was finally coming home with his new girlfriend to meet his family. That same day, the hospital gave me its final answer. The cancer had won. There was nothing left to treat. Nothing left to try. They sent me home with only time. When Liam saw my mother helping me into a wheelchair, a cold smile touched his mouth. “Eight years,” he said. “And this is what became of you? You can’t even walk anymore?” Disgust laced every word. I only tugged the sleeve of my down coat lower, hiding the cluster of needle marks across the back of my hand. “It’s nothing,” I said quietly. “I fell and broke a bone. That’s all.” Liam gave a short, bitter laugh. “In that case, I’m getting married soon. Why don’t you come be my fiancée’s bridesmaid?” I smiled as if it did not hurt at all. “No, thank you. I’m about to leave for somewhere very far away.” Then I patted the back of Mom’s hand, silently asking her to take me home. Chapter 1 I had barely gotten home. Mom had just helped me into bed when Liam Hayes’s mother came by. Margaret Hayes stood in the doorway for a long moment, looking at me as if she had rehearsed this conversation a hundred times and still could not bring herself to start. “Claire,” she said at last, her face flushing with shame. “I know I have no right to ask you this, but I need a favor.” She stopped there. She did not need to finish. I knew exactly why she had come. It was the same reason she had come to me eight years ago. Back then, the moment Margaret found out I had cancer, she rushed into my hospital room in almost the same state she was in now. I had not even had time to process the diagnosis. I was terrified, crying so hard I could barely breathe, when she dropped to her knees in front of me. “Claire, I’m begging you. Please don’t drag Liam down with you. He’s just been accepted into a program overseas. If he finds out you have cancer, he’ll never agree to leave. “You and Liam have known each other your whole lives. You’ve loved each other for so many years. So please, for my sake, let him go. Break up with him. “I’ve arranged everything. I found a boy to help. All you have to do is pretend to kiss him downstairs. Let Liam see it. Make him believe you betrayed him. Then break up with him. That’s all.” Because of those words, the first thing I did after being diagnosed was not schedule more tests or begin treatment. Instead, I put on the coldest face I could manage, pretended to cheat, forced Liam to hate me, and drove him out of the country without mercy. Sure enough, a second later, Margaret looked at me with guilt in her eyes. “Claire, please don’t blame me. I had no choice. Liam’s girlfriend now was his classmate overseas throughout graduate school and his doctoral program. They’re perfect for each other. I really don’t want to ruin such a good marriage. “You know Liam. He adored you when you were kids. If he finds out the truth about what happened back then, I’m afraid…” Her voice shook. “I’m afraid he’ll throw everything away again. “So could you stay away from him for a while? You’re… you don’t have much time left anyway, do you? In your condition, you shouldn’t be going out. Don’t you think?” The moment Margaret said those words, my mother grabbed a pack of adult diapers from beside the bed and slammed it down so hard the mattress shook. Seeing that she was about to lose her temper, I quickly tugged at her sleeve and softened my voice. “Mom. Please.” It took several seconds before she managed to hold herself back. Only then did I look back at Margaret. “I can promise I won’t tell Liam what happened eight years ago,” I said calmly. “But I can’t promise I won’t see him.” No. I could not promise that. Because during all eight years of surgeries, chemo, and hospital ceilings, there had never been a day when I stopped missing Liam. Chapter 2 When chemotherapy became too much to bear, I would clutch the old photo of Liam and me until my fingers cramped. Some nights, that picture was the only thing that kept me from giving up. I went through more surgeries than I could count, some minor, some so dangerous Mom signed the consent forms with shaking hands. More than once, I was rushed into the ICU and almost did not wake up again. Every time, Mom stood beside my bed and shouted herself hoarse. “Claire, have you forgotten? You said you were going to survive. You said you’d get better, go overseas, and explain everything to Liam yourself. “You promised me. When you were well enough, you said you’d let me take you to find him. If you die now, you’ll never see him again.” It was my mother’s voice, calling Liam’s name again and again, that pulled me back from the edge more times than I could count. In the end, I still lost. And Liam had a new life now. He was about to get married. But in the last stretch of time I had left, I still wanted to be near him, even if only for a little while. That was why, after I heard he had come home, I forced myself to leave the hospital, even though the doctor had already made it clear. Going home no longer meant recovering. It only meant waiting for what came next. I did not expect Liam to show up at my house right after his mother left. When I woke from a shallow, exhausted sleep, I heard his voice outside my bedroom. For a moment, I thought I had imagined it. Eight years ago, Liam hated me to the bone. He had once stood outside my house for three days and three nights, waiting for me to come out so he could grab me by the throat and ask why I had betrayed him. When I cried and told him I did not love him anymore, he punched through the glass window in the stairwell. He never laid a hand on me that day. But from then on, he despised me completely. If he saw me in the hallway, he turned around and walked the other way. Even passing my front door made his expression darken with disgust. He stopped going to the little corner store we used to visit together. He hated me so much that whenever someone mentioned my name, his face would go cold. “Why are you bringing up Claire?” he would snap. “Maybe you can stand her. I can’t.” On the day he left for the airport, I stood in the pouring rain just to see him one last time. When he saw me, he only sneered. Then he threw the matching rings we had bought together at my feet, along with the phone that held every photo of us. The screen shattered against the pavement. He left without looking back. Yet now, eight years later, he had come to my house on his own. A moment later, through the crack in the bedroom door, I understood why. Liam was holding his fiancée’s hand. “Mrs. Winters,” he said, his voice flat and controlled, “are you still angry about what happened eight years ago? Is that why you don’t want Claire to help us choose a wedding planner and pick out rings? “I stopped loving Claire a long time ago. I’m over it. Besides, we grew up together. Even if we couldn’t be lovers, there’s no reason we can’t be friends.” As soon as he finished, the woman beside him spoke with a gentle smile. “Mrs. Winters, Liam has already told me everything about him and Claire. Yes, Claire cheated eight years ago, but they were young. Things like that never happen for only one reason. I’m sure Liam had his flaws too. “And honestly, I should thank Claire. If she hadn’t let Liam go, I never would have met such a wonderful man. “So there’s really no need to hold on to what happened back then. Besides, I was the one who suggested asking Claire to help with the wedding planner. Liam and I haven’t been back in eight years, so we don’t really know how things are done here anymore. And if we leave it to the older generation…” She paused, then smiled as if she had said something charming. “The taste level might be a little hard for me to handle.” Chapter 3 Eight years ago, when I had just been diagnosed with cancer, the thing I wanted most was for Liam to forget me and move on. But now, hearing him speak so calmly about what had happened back then, hearing him mention me as if I were nothing more than an old mistake, I still felt something twist quietly under my ribs. He had told his fiancée everything about us. He had not hidden a single thing. That should have meant he had truly let go. My mother, meanwhile, could no longer bear listening to Vanessa bring up my “cheating” over and over again. Every word sounded polite on the surface, but each one carried a hidden blade. Mom’s eyes turned red with rage. Her lips trembled several times before she finally snapped at Liam. “You and your mother really are the same. Shameless, both of you.” My heart tightened. I forced myself upright against the pillows and called toward the door, “Mom, come help me into the wheelchair. I’ll talk to Liam myself.” Mom came into the bedroom. When she saw me trying to sit up, her face was still dark with anger. I simply reached for her and wrapped my arms around her waist. “Mom,” I whispered, “please. Think of it as helping me settle one last regret.” Her eyes reddened instantly. Still, because she had always loved me more than anything, she went to the vanity, brought me lipstick and my wig, and helped me into my down coat. The moment she wheeled me out, Liam frowned. “What’s wrong with you? You were spoiled when we were kids, and now you’re still acting like this as an adult. It’s just a broken leg. Your mother is getting older, and you’re still making her wait on you hand and foot?” I looked at the disgust on his face and smiled faintly. “The doctor said the fracture is serious. I’m not supposed to put weight on it for a while.” As soon as I finished speaking, Vanessa, standing beside Liam, gave me an apologetic smile. “Claire, don’t take it personally. Liam has just gotten used to being blunt after living overseas for so long.” Then she tilted her head toward him, her tone sweet. “He’s like this with everyone except me.” I lowered my eyes for a second. Liam was cold to everyone. That much was true. But he had never been cold to me. Not before. I pressed that thought down before it could show on my face and looked calmly at Vanessa. “You really want me to go with you to choose a wedding planner? “If you need me there, I’ll go.” Vanessa nodded at once. “Of course. We really do.” After that, I exchanged a few polite words with them before seeing them out. That night, Liam called me. He said I should go with them to meet the wedding planner the next day. My fingers tightened around the phone. Part of me was greedy for the sound of his voice. Another part of me was almost afraid of it. After all, it had been eight years since I had heard him like this, alone, on the other end of the line. Eight years ago, I used to hide under the covers every night and fall asleep listening to his low, warm voice. But just as I slipped into the memory, a woman’s voice sounded on his end. “Liam, come dry my hair for me…” I snapped back to myself. “Okay,” I murmured quickly. The moment Liam heard my answer, he hung up. I listened to the empty beeps until they ended. Only then did the tears come. I had known this would happen. I had prepared myself for it. But seeing it, hearing it, knowing with absolute clarity that Liam belonged to someone else now still hurt more than I could admit. Liam had told me to meet him at ten the next morning. Because I was nervous, I asked Mom to take me downstairs at nine thirty. But I waited until noon, and Liam never came. When I called him, he hung up. Mom asked me several times to go home. I refused. Chapter 4 This trip had taken almost everything I had left. After this, I might never have the strength to leave the house again. Thankfully, at one in the afternoon, Liam finally called and said they were downstairs. My mother was furious. It took me a long time to calm her down before she managed to keep her expression neutral. The moment I got into the car, Vanessa turned to me with a coy little smile. “Sorry, Claire. Liam got a little carried away last night. I couldn’t get out of bed this morning.” My hand tightened slightly against my coat. Liam folded my wheelchair and put it away, then got into the driver’s seat. Through the rearview mirror, he glanced at me once. “Why are you explaining so much to her?” he said coldly. I turned my face toward the window and waved calmly at my mother. Liam drove fast. The car lurched so badly I thought I might throw up, but I swallowed it down in silence. It reminded me of the year he got his license. Back then, he would often borrow his father’s car and take me out. He knew I got carsick, so he always drove carefully, slowing before every turn and braking so gently I barely felt it. I used to feel sick in taxis and buses. Never in Liam’s car. Then Liam slammed on the brakes again. My body gave out. I crashed hard against the back seat, my stomach twisting violently. A small sound escaped before I could stop it. When Liam heard me, he sneered. “Claire, you don’t actually think I’m still going to take care of you the way I did eight years ago, do you? No sudden stops. No sharp turns. No hard braking.” I wiped the dampness from the corner of my eye and said softly, “No. You should take care of Vanessa now. She’s your girlfriend.” Liam gave another cold laugh. “You’re right.” Then he stepped harder on the gas. My back slammed into the seat again. Pain shot up my spine, sharp enough to steal my breath. But I still smiled. Hatred was fine. At least while I was still alive, some part of me still mattered enough for him to hate. It did not take long for us to reach the restaurant. When we got out, Liam carried me from the car. The moment I was back in his arms, I almost failed to hold myself together. For one brief second, I could smell the familiar scent of him, clean soap and winter air. My fingers curled against my palm, but I did not dare touch him. Liam carried me out quickly and set me into the wheelchair just as quickly. Because the second he put me down, he turned to Vanessa and asked for wet wipes. Then he scrubbed his hands hard. Vanessa gave me an awkward smile from the side. “Sorry, Claire. Liam’s a clean freak. If any woman other than me touches him, he gets uncomfortable.” I lowered my head and pressed my lips together, pretending I had not seen what he did or heard what she said. After that, I let Liam and Vanessa push me into the restaurant, walking arm in arm behind me. As soon as we sat down, Liam picked up the menu and ordered several heavy, spicy dishes. Listening to the server repeat the order, I quietly lowered my eyes. I had never been able to eat spicy food. Neither had Liam. So it was obvious who he was ordering for. I did not try to make things hard on myself. In my current condition, even ordinary food was difficult. There was no way I could handle anything that rich or hot. So I asked the server to add a plain vegetable soup for me. For some reason, Liam suddenly lost his temper. Chapter 5 “You’re already skin and bones,” Liam snapped. “And you’re still trying to diet?” For one foolish second, the concern in his voice caught me off guard. Then I smiled. “Evan likes me thinner.” Evan was the man Margaret had found for me eight years ago, the one who helped me stage the fake affair. After Liam left the country in anger, I never saw Evan again. The moment Liam heard his name, his face went cold. Vanessa, sitting beside him, immediately gave me a soft smile. “Claire, don’t misunderstand. Liam is a doctor now. He gets upset whenever he sees people harming their health just to lose weight. When we were overseas, I tried dieting more than once, and he scolded me every time.” As she spoke, she turned to Liam with an affectionate smile. “Right, Liam?” But Liam did not look at her. He stood abruptly, shoving his chair back. “I’m going to the restroom.” Then he walked off without another word. He did not look at me. He did not look at Vanessa either. I watched his back disappear down the hall. Had I ruined things again? Ruined Liam’s new life. Ruined the love he had finally found after me. Guilt settled heavily in my chest. Across the table, Vanessa suddenly picked up a glass of hot water and threw it straight in my face. “You little bitch,” she hissed. “Do you think I’m stupid? You’ve been playing weak and helpless all day just to pull Liam back in.” The water stung my face. Heat spread across my skin. I tightened my fingers against the edge of my coat and said quietly, “I’m sorry. If I made you uncomfortable, I apologize.” Vanessa only sneered. Then she came around the table and slapped me across the face. “You think pretending you can barely walk will make Liam come running back to you?” “Let me tell you something. Liam is mine. He will be mine for the rest of his life. Don’t think you can steal him just because you were his first love.” My cheek burned until it went numb. I could endure the hot water. After all, I was the one who had shamelessly chased after the last bit of warmth Liam might still give me. But she had no right to hit me. So without thinking, I pushed her away. “Vanessa, lay a hand on me again and I’ll call the police.” The moment the words left my mouth, Vanessa suddenly dropped to the floor. Then she screamed. “My stomach! Help me! Someone help! She attacked me. I’m pregnant.” I stared at her on the floor, then looked down at my own hands. I had been sick for eight years. Getting dressed exhausted me. Some days, I could not even hold a glass of water steady. There was no way I had enough strength to knock Vanessa down. When I pushed her just now, I only meant to stop her from hitting me again. But somehow, she had thrown herself to the floor. Before I could make sense of it, Liam appeared at the edge of the dining room. The instant he saw Vanessa on the floor, he rushed to her side. “Vanessa. Vanessa, what happened?” Vanessa burst into tears and clutched his shirt. “Liam, save me. Please save our baby. Claire… Claire tried to kill me. “The second you left, she started insulting me. She said you were nothing but trash she had thrown away. She said that if she ever wanted you back, you would crawl to her like a dog. I couldn’t take it. I really couldn’t. So I threw a glass of water at her. “But that only made her angrier. She cursed me. She called me a vicious little bitch. She called me a slut. She said all I knew how to do was pick up men she didn’t want anymore.” Chapter 6 “I lost control and slapped her,” Vanessa sobbed. “Then she got angry and shoved me.” “You know I’m pregnant. You know I’m not strong. I can’t handle even the smallest fall.” I sat there frozen, staring at her. My lips moved several times before I finally managed to speak. “Liam, listen to me. That’s not what happened. “I really didn’t do that.” But Liam exploded. “Claire, how can you be this vicious?” His eyes were red with fury. “Eight years ago, you cheated on me without a shred of shame. Now, eight years later, the second I’m about to get married, you decide you want me back and attack my fiancée?” He stepped toward me. “You laid a hand on my woman, didn’t you? Then today, you can find out what it feels like when someone lays a hand on mine.” With that, he kicked my wheelchair hard. Once. Twice. Again and again. Then he grabbed the handles and shoved it backward with brutal force. The wheelchair slammed into the dining table. Bowls crashed to the floor and shattered. The table tipped over. So did I. My head struck the corner of the table. For a moment, the whole world went white. Then blood ran down my face. My ears rang. My body began to shake uncontrollably, but Liam did not look at me once. He only rushed back to Vanessa and gathered her into his arms. As she cried against him, he kissed the corner of her mouth again and again, frantic and gentle. “It’s okay. It’s okay. Don’t cry. I’m taking you to the hospital now.” Then, without sparing me another glance, he carried Vanessa toward the door. I watched Vanessa’s triumphant smile over his shoulder. I watched Liam walk away. And suddenly, I laughed. I laughed until tears blurred everything. It made me think of the year we were eighteen, when a man on the bus groped me. Back then, Liam was still reckless, fierce, and impossible to stop once anger took hold of him. He grabbed that man, who was a full head taller and much stronger than him, and hit him like a wild thing. Punch after punch landed on the man’s face. “You piece of garbage. You dare touch my girl? I’ll kill you.” Everyone on the bus was terrified. Only I was crying as I clung to Liam’s arm, begging him to stop. Only then did he finally let go. Back then, I was Liam’s girl. So he protected me with everything he had. Now, the person in his heart was someone else. So he protected her with everything he had, even if the person he hurt was me. The servers gathered around in a nervous circle. Then the police arrived. The moment I saw them, the last of my strength seemed to leave me. I clutched one officer’s hand and said, “Please tell my mother not to pursue this.” “Tell her this was my choice. “Tell her I’m sorry. I… I don’t think I can stay with her anymore.” My chest felt tight and hollow. But strangely, I no longer felt regret. I had fought cancer for eight years. I had waited for Liam for eight years. My greatest wish had only been to see him one more time. Now I had. That was enough. Goodbye, Liam. I love you.