I Was His Substitute, Until I Disappeared With His Child

I was born into the noble Valerie family, gifted by blood with the rare ability to bond with vampires and bear them powerful hybrid children. Since I was a child, I had been secretly in love with James, the vampire noble I was betrothed to. Everyone knew his heart belonged to one person only — his childhood companion, Vicky. But she was engaged to James's older brother. The night of their engagement banquet, James accepted my confession. He said we could try. I nodded and told him I didn't mind. I was willing to wait until he let her go. Then he gave the wedding I had designed with my own hands to Vicky. He stood in the groom's place, holding her hand through the rehearsal. And I stood below the stage, the laughingstock of the entire room. That night, he got drunk. He held me and said he loved me. I thought he had finally laid down his obsession, so once again I forgave him and let go of my pride. Until he called out Vicky’s name. In that moment, I finally understood. The one James loved would never be me. I had stored up enough disappointment. The next day, I disappeared from his world for good. Five years later, I ran into him by chance, a hybrid boy in my arms. He came rushing toward me like a man gone mad, eyes red, begging me to come back. Chapter 1 Elena's POV I was born the second daughter of the Valerie family. In a family that measured everything by the value of a marriage alliance, a second daughter wasn't worthless — but wasn’t the first choice either. Since I was a little child, my parents barely spared me a glance. They brought me along to the social gatherings of the vampire nobility, where I was nothing more than a backdrop. Not too dazzling or memorable. Everything changed at the ball that year — the first time I saw James. The second son of a noble vampire family, standing quietly beside his father and elder brother. My parents told me he was the boy I had been promised to since the day I was born — that I should mind my manners and learn how to stand by his side. He was still young then, but the cold, sharp lines of his features had already taken shape. In that single moment, everything shifted. For the first time in my life, I wanted to fight for something. I wanted to be remembered. His expression was distant. He gave me a polite, gentlemanly nod, but his gaze didn't linger on me for even a second. I couldn't help looking up at him again. My heart was beating so fast it didn't feel real. "Hello. I'm Elena." In that moment, no one knew. What rose up in my chest wasn't numbness or resistance anymore. It was relief. Relief that the man I'd been promised to was James — that he was someone I loved. After that, I began moving in vampire circles more and more often, studying alongside James, living alongside him. Before I had even come of age, I had grown used to that world's nights, used to the scrutinizing glances reserved for humans, used to standing at James's side. He had always been quiet and almost never smiled. But it didn't take me long to realize his silence was something he saved only for me. All his patience, all his tenderness, all his attention — belonged to one person. Vicky. His childhood companion, a noble-born vampire like him. From the moment Vicky was born, she had been at James's and his brother's side. She had been the one obsession of James’s life. But just because he had been born two years after his brother, he had lost his place as the heir — and his chance to have Vicky as his own. All Vicky had to do was stand there, and she had every ounce of James's attention, every shred of his favor. I had stood beside him for years, and he had never once truly looked at me. When I was younger, I didn't understand. I thought I just wasn't good enough, so I threw myself into becoming better. After I graduated from design school, I became an event planner, designing weddings and banquets for vampire aristocrats. I bore witness to countless vows. I helped other people celebrate their grand love stories. I came to know many powerful vampires, kept up a respectable network and a respectable career, took meticulous care of myself so that I would always look poised and beautiful. But no matter what I did, I could never make James turn his head for me. Not once. Every banquet we attended, I was the one on his arm. I was the one smoothing things over for him, but he was always looking at Vicky. Even when Vicky was always his brother's dance partner. I started to envy her. I started praying when no one could hear — If, just once, James could look at me the way he looked at Vicky — even once — I would give anything. That day came sooner than I expected. At the engagement banquet for Vicky and James's brother, she wore a gown I had designed. She stood on the dais radiant, soaking in the applause and the blessings of the room. And I sat below, watching James — his expression hollow, complicated. "Don't be sad, James. I'll always be here for you." I looked at him and said the words I had said a thousand times before, and got back the same hollow answer I always got. "Mm." He poured himself one glass of wine after another, quietly shrugging off the hand I rested on his shoulder. I pretended not to notice. I rose from my seat with composure and went to check on the rose arrangements in the garden. The thorns drew blood from my palm. I didn't feel a thing. I told myself, over and over, that it was nothing. I was just about to give in to the tears when I heard familiar footsteps behind me. Before I could turn around, someone caught me from behind. The thick smell of wine washed over me, and a second later, James lowered his head and kissed me. Every part of me went still. I didn't dare meet his eyes. Even drunk out of his mind, his elegance and his bearing made him seem completely composed — and I had always been lost in him, helpless to resist. His hand pressed against my waist. His voice was low and rough. "Haven't you always loved me?" My throat closed. I couldn't speak. I only heard him let out a soft laugh. It was the first time I had ever heard him laugh because of me. "We can try." In that moment, I thought — finally, my love and wait had received a response. Chapter 2 Elena's POV When I woke up, it wasn't fully light yet. A thin sliver of cold white light came through the gap in the curtains. The room was unnaturally quiet. I was slumped against the couch, still in last night's gown, exhausted to the point that I could barely move. My head felt thick and dull, and my temples were throbbing — only then did it sink in that I'd gone days without proper sleep, working to put Vicky's engagement banquet together. James stirred on the bed, and I was wide awake in an instant. The moment James opened his eyes, his gaze was cold as a blade — instinctively wary, on guard. His eyes swept the room before landing on me, and only then did his expression falter, though the wariness didn't fully leave him. His eyes searched mine — checking something, maybe, or trying to sidestep whatever had happened the night before. I slowly straightened up. My voice was a little hoarse. "You're awake." He didn't answer. He just stared at me for a few seconds, then looked away and pressed his fingers against the bridge of his nose. Watching him like this, I nearly wanted to laugh. But the laugh caught in my throat and wouldn't come out. "You drank too much last night," I said, keeping my voice as level as I could. "I was a little worried, so I stayed to look after you." He couldn't get the words out. He only made a soft sound of acknowledgment. The air went still for a moment. His eyes flicked up to my lower lip, where he'd bitten me. Something hesitant passed over his face. "Your mouth — should I have a doctor come look at it?" The scene from yesterday flashed through my mind — the way he'd held me, the way he'd sucked on my lip — and a flush of heat ran through me. But looking at him, after all these years together, still as polite and distant as a stranger, the heat in my chest cooled again. "It's fine." I smiled and shook my head at him, lowering my eyes to hide the disappointment in them. It felt awkward staying there. I wanted to leave, to give him his space, but he stopped me before I could go. "Stay and have breakfast before you go." His words made me freeze. I had already stood up, ready to leave, and now I couldn't move. That little hope I had just buried back down was rising again. I knew it. He hadn't just been talking last night. He really did want to try to love me. "All right," I said, nodding. I followed him into the dining room with quiet steps. The servants had already laid out breakfast. The silverware was set neatly, and the air carried the faint smell of coffee. I had barely sat down when I saw who was across from me. Vicky was already there. She was sitting next to James's older brother, idly turning the engagement ring on her finger, the picture of grace and ease. "Elena? I didn't expect to see you here." Her blood-red eyes flicked between me and James in a heartbeat. Her gaze on me carried a note of hostility and disdain, but the moment she leaned back into her fiancé, that elegant, gentle look was right back in place. "I was very pleased with last night's banquet. I haven't even thanked you yet." My fingertips tightened. I could feel James stealing glances at Vicky, wearing a polite smile. That little flicker of hope I shouldn't have had was gone again, just like that. James acted as if he hadn't noticed a thing. He pulled out the chair next to mine and sat down. He sat closer than he ever had — his shoulder pressed against mine. I could feel the cold radiating off his skin. And just like that, my suspicion was confirmed. I understood why James had insisted I stay for breakfast. Across the table sat the freshly engaged couple, in love. Vicky and Joey were murmuring to each other, exchanging the occasional happy smile. On our side, James was looking at her and Joey, and his eyes were full of something that wouldn't stay down. I kept my head down and ate, doing my best to look calm. The hand resting on my skirt clenched into a fist. Tears were already gathering in my eyes. James spoke up suddenly. "You've worked hard these past few days. Eat more." He pushed the plate in front of me a little closer to me as he said it. Before I could even react, he had reached up and wiped a smudge of sauce from the corner of my lip. The gesture was natural. Intimate. I went stiff for a beat and couldn't help glancing across the table. Vicky hadn't noticed any of it. She sat next to her fiancé, completely unbothered. Not a trace of jealousy neither a hint of resentment. I slowly looked away with my chest felt tight. "Thank you." I knew. James had been watching for Vicky's reaction the whole time. He was only treating me like this to make Vicky jealous. After all these years at his side, I could read his mood without even trying. James's hand paused for a second. Then he pulled it back. He didn't say anything, but the air between us got colder. The next moment, he pulled the ring off his little finger. Before I knew what was happening, he had taken hold of my hand. "We haven't had our engagement banquet yet, but take this for now." His tone was flat. The timing was abrupt and obvious — anyone could see why he was doing it. But he knew, of all people, that I couldn't refuse him. I instinctively tried to pull my hand back. He held it in place. The ring was clearly the wrong size. He forced it on anyway. The metal edge bit into my skin, and a sharp ache shot through my fingertip. He stroked the back of my hand lightly, as if he couldn't quite grasp how easily a human body could feel pain. James was still looking in Vicky's direction. His mind was somewhere else entirely. I was used to enduring, used to being good. So I only paled a little, and the smile I always wore barely faded at all. I could feel the looks coming from across the table — pity, sympathy, both. I should have been used to being looked down on by then. But in that moment, all I wanted was to run. Breakfast ended quickly. When Vicky stood up, James's eyes immediately went to her. She just took her fiancé's arm and walked away without looking back. After they were gone, the dining room went quiet. James sat there, hurled the dinner knife away, and the air around him dropped several degrees. I patted his shoulder, wanting to say something soft, something comforting. He stood up impatiently and left. Looking down at my own swollen, reddened finger, I just stood there, frozen for a moment. For the first time, I didn't go after him. I started to wonder if I was the only one holding on too tight. It seemed James would never love me. Chapter 3 Elena's POV Maybe it was because Vicky never gave him the reaction he was looking for that morning at breakfast — from then on James started coming around a lot more often. At first, I felt a quiet, secret kind of happiness. He'd send flowers to my apartment before I left for work. Or a short message saying we were attending some banquet together that evening. Sometimes he would even drop by my studio and sit on the couch, leafing through my design sketches. One day, he found a sketchbook on my shelf — the one with the wedding I had designed for myself. Swing. Alawn and fountain just out of view. Compared to those lavish vampire banquets, the design looked almost too simple. I didn't want to put any pressure on him. I watched him carefully, said nothing, and quietly closed the sketchbook. But James just stood there for a long time, silent. "This wedding looks beautiful." He was turned slightly to the side. The studio light cast a shadow down the line of his face. "Thank you. It's a design I've been refining for years. James, the truth is, I've always — " The truth is, I've always wanted to make it real with him. I didn't finish the sentence. He turned his head just then, and we caught each other's eyes and shared a small smile. I caught something soft in his eyes — and something faint, like anticipation. But it didn't take long for me to realize something was wrong. That evening, he was taking me to a dinner party hosted by another vampire family, and he sent over a dress ahead of time. The dress had a clean cut. The color suited my skin. The waist and the neckline were finished beautifully — almost too refined to be something James had picked out himself. He brushed his fingers along my cheek and told me I'd look better with my hair down. I didn't think much of it. I changed into the dress, and when I came down the stairs, my steps felt lighter than usual. I had James's arm in mine. I had just reached the foot of the staircase when I saw Vicky. She was sitting not far away, leaning toward the man beside her in conversation, her fingers resting lightly on the rim of a wineglass, her long, wavy hair spilling down her back. The dress she was wearing was wine-red too. The cut, the silhouette, even the finish at the neckline — it was nearly identical to mine. People were watching me. People were watching Vicky. The looks they gave me were curious, with a faint trace of pity tucked underneath. Some raised their glasses to me with a smile and said Miss Elena was beautiful tonight. Others lowered their voices as I passed and remarked, with a sigh, that it was a shame — still not quite right. I knew what they meant. The real tragedy wasn't the dress, but the undeniable fact that I wasn't Vicky James heard them. He didn't say a word in my defense. Only sometimes, when I couldn't quite hide the disappointment on my face, he'd offer me some perfunctory comment about not paying attention to those tedious people. And I would always smile and say it was nothing. I could endure it. I would wait for him to let go of Vicky. By the end of the evening, something inside me had gone numb. After that, it kept happening. James started bringing me along to more and more events. Sometimes he would even make small, intimate gestures in front of everyone. People started to think he was finally taking me seriously. And sometimes, even I let myself believe it. But every time that illusion started to take shape, some new detail would pull me back to reality. The dresses he picked were always the kinds Vicky liked. The places he took me were places he had already been to with Vicky. When he looked at me, he was looking at someone else. Bit by bit, I couldn't keep lying to myself. He just needed an outlet. Somewhere to breathe through what he had lost. And I just happened to be there. Always. Chapter 4 Elena's POV After the engagement banquet, Vicky and Joey set the date for their wedding before long. There was no way the gossip from those weeks hadn't reached their ears, but Vicky still went out of her way to choose me as her wedding planner. She seemed to require my presence—her pitiful contrast—just to reassure herself that she would always be the one chosen, effortlessly and without question. I had a betrothal in hand, but didn't even have a date set for an engagement banquet. Over time, I had become a joke to everyone — quietly, by default. Because I'd grown up without my parents' attention, I'd always assumed I just wasn't good enough — that was why James didn't love me. So in front of Vicky, I had always shrunk. I had taken her petty cruelties for years, following the family's instruction never to provoke a vampire. But now — thinking of the way James had looked at me, the gifts he had sent — I suddenly didn't want to bow that low anymore. When we were planning the wedding, I stopped going along with everything she wanted. I stopped apologizing first whenever something went wrong. It clearly didn't sit well with her. "Your designs are mediocre." "I hate this bouquet." "This ugly dress — wear it yourself." She kept changing her mind on purpose, often demanding revised proposals from me in the middle of the night. The discarded drafts piled up in stacks on my desk, but I held my ground. When James came by my studio, I didn't have time to put the papers away. He glanced over them, and didn't seem to care much. He told me to go rest for a while — that sleep would do me good. I took his advice. When I woke up, it was already dark outside. A message had come in. Vicky said she'd found a better design for the wedding. From here on, she just needed me to oversee the on-site rehearsal. A flicker of confusion went through me — I didn't know how she'd found a satisfying wedding planner so quickly. But my body was still tired, and I didn't think too hard about it. Three days later, when I showed up at her wedding rehearsal, I understood. The swing, lawn and fountain. An outdoor wedding. The layout. The angle of the lights. The flowers. Everything matched the wedding in my private sketchbook, exactly. Not a single detail off. I stood in the entrance and didn't go in right away. Someone was adjusting the lights. Someone was running a sound check. The director's voice repeated the cue, again and again. "Groom, take a step forward." I followed the voice with my eyes. The man on the stage was James. The stage lights cast a shadow along the elegant line of his nose. He looked like a model who had stepped out of an oil painting — pale, flawless, smiling and murmuring to Vicky beside him. He was standing in the groom's place. He took the bouquet, walked the line I had designed, paused, adjusted his angle. The motion was natural. As if the place had always been his to begin with. I stood there. I didn't move. People walked past me, talking in lowered voices, laughing softly. "Joey went up north on business — flight got delayed, couldn't make it back for the rehearsal." "Well, his little brother's certainly realizing the dream now." The voices were quiet. Just clear enough that I could hear them. I stood below the stage in the red dress James had given me. Every part of it was a joke. The dress was meant for Vicky in the first place. This wedding — the wedding of my dreams that I had designed myself — he was going to hand to Vicky too. Every bit of love, every ounce of attention, James had given to Vicky. And I deserved to wear someone else's leftover clothes — to hand over even the things I cherished most, with both hands, to someone else. I let out a small, bitter laugh. The tears slid down my face, but I just kept staring at James on the stage. The look on him — happy, careful, almost reverent — drove a fresh blade into a heart that was already in pieces. In one unguarded moment, James saw me there in the audience. He froze for a beat. Then he looked away and tightened his grip on Vicky's hand. "Elena's here too? Didn't Vicky say she didn't like her designs?" "How embarrassing. The Valerie family has been pushing for the engagement banquet for ages. A pity James has time to play groom for his brother but no time to actually marry his own fiancée." A few of Vicky's relatives were murmuring behind me. Listening to those familiar, biting voices, I suddenly realized I couldn't stand any more of it. By the time the rehearsal ended, the sky had gone fully dark. The crowd thinned out. When James came down from the stage, he saw me. He noticed how red my eyes were — how clearly I had been crying. Something pained flickered across his face, and he started toward me without thinking. I had been planning to finally lay everything out with him. But just then, Vicky came over too. "Sorry, Elena. Joey couldn't make it in time. I had to borrow James for a bit. You don't mind, right?" She had James's arm. Her smile was sweet. "Thank goodness for James — I don't know what I would have done with this wedding otherwise!" "You'll all be one family soon enough anyway, so I'll just transfer James's fee to you, all right?" Every sentence cut at the parts of me that were thinnest. She knew perfectly well that James still hadn't moved on our engagement, and she wanted to bring up the idea of us being family right there. I couldn't even hold a smile anymore. I just looked at James. He couldn't quite meet my eyes. He opened his mouth to explain. "Vicky, this design is actually Elena's — " "It's fine. The rehearsal went well. If there's nothing else, I'll be going." I cut him off and turned to leave. The moment I turned my back, the tears came, and I couldn't stop them. The servants and relatives all saw the look on my face. They smiled, mocking, watching the whole thing unfold like entertainment. It wasn't the first time I'd been laughed at like this in a crowd. I had known for so long that the one James loved was Vicky. Whether with my parents or with James, I would never be the first choice. Why hadn't I been able to let go back then? The cold wind cut against my cheeks. The lights along the busy street were flickering on for the night, and the vampires passing by were all eyeing me strangely. It struck me, suddenly, that I had never really belonged to this world. And I had nowhere to go. Chapter 5 Elena's POV I walked the streets for a very long time before I made it home. My heels had rubbed blisters into my ankles. I was cold all over. I sank down by the entryway and looked at my empty apartment, and it suddenly hit me — most of my things were actually at James's estate. For the past few years, I had basically been working as his private assistant. Arranging his banquets. Managing his social affairs. More often than not, sleeping in his guest room. So all this time, I had been devoted myself to him like that, with not a single thing in return. Looking down at the dress that didn't really fit me, I just leaned forward against the floor and laughed bitterly. The wedding I had designed with my heart had been taken by James and given to Vicky. The engagement banquet I had waited years for still didn't have a date. I had spent all those years adapting to the world of vampires, putting myself together every single day, hoping that someday James would take me in. In the end, I had nothing. In the end, I was still just something to be laughed at. I stayed on the floor a long time before I could stand again. I was on my way to the living room for a glass of water when I heard a key in the door. James stumbled in, drunk, the sharp smell of wine pouring off him. I caught him on instinct. But the thought of him sober the next day, recoiling from my touch again, made me want to pull my hand back. He grabbed my wrist before I could and pressed my palm against the side of his face. Those red eyes that were always so alert, so cutting, were soft and unfocused now. He looked up at me with confusion, with something almost wounded in his expression. I had never seen him look at me like that. For a moment I just stood there. "I'm sorry — " The words came out unsteady. "I'm sorry. Today's the last time. I promise." The bridge of my nose stung. I had waited so long for that apology. "Don't push me away. Please." There was something almost pleading in James's voice. "Let me hold you. Just let me." His nose grazed mine, and his eyes were drowning in mine. The tear tracks under my eyes still stung. He kissed them gently. "I love you. Don't push me away. Please." I could hear my own heart pounding. I closed my eyes and let him. We had never held each other so closely. The cold of his skin sank into mine. I could feel how desperate he was, and I held him just as hard. His pale skin pressed against my body, every muscle in him drawn tight where it should be. His narrow waist moved in rhythm. A vampire's stamina is nothing like a human's, and I couldn't take the dizzying pleasure or the pain — but I didn't want to give in and pass out either. All I knew was that I had waited so long that my heart had gone past the point of pain into something like numbness. "James. I love you." I kissed his lower lip and whispered it against his ear. His hand ran through my hair and came to rest against the side of my face. He deepened the kiss. "Vicky. I love you too." Vicky? Every illusion of happiness shattered in that single moment. Vicky. The name he said was Vicky. The smell of wine rolling off him was right there at my mouth. I started laughing, and I couldn't stop. So that was it. He was drunk. He had mistaken me for Vicky. Elena, how could you be this stupid? I was mocking myself in my head. I tilted my face up at the ceiling, numb. The tears had run dry. There was only the raw burn in the rims of my eyes. When it was over, James had already drifted off, content. I looked at the wreck of the bed. There were dark bruises forming on my shoulders and arms where he had gripped me. A human body was never built for that kind of force. Looking down at the marks on my body, I understood something I should have understood a long time ago. Maybe I had never had any business forcing myself into this world to begin with. I looked at James one last time. His features, even cold and asleep, were still impossibly handsome. But now, looking at him, there was nothing stirring in me at all. When the sky outside started turning gray, I sat at the edge of the bed, and I suddenly remembered the first time I had seen James, all those years ago at the ball. Back then I had thought fate was finally on my side. I had believed I could make him love me one day. Now I knew. What fate had given me wasn't favor. It was a swamp — the kind that pulls you in deeper the longer you stand still. And I had stood still so long I had nearly forgotten what it felt like to be chosen. To actually be loved. It was time to walk out of all of it. I was going to walk out of a life I had never been loved in. I was going to disappear from James's world. Completely.